See what happens

Yesterday I had my interview with the tech comm director. I thought it went well, except for one answer I gave that she didn't seem satisfied with.

I believe I fixed that today when I interviewed with one of the tech writers. I told him that this was the first position in a long time where I could see room to grow into something I like to do, with the technical writing. The last three admins have all ended up as writers, and they are looking to hire three more in the coming months.

See what happens. If I get it, I get it. If I don't, something else will come along. One day at a time.
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Sat down with my current boss to show her what I'd been up to while she was out last week. I showed her how I had separated out the purchased license records, how I'd dealt with the one list of known licenses we did get from the Memphis group, and the other things I'd done. She was happy and very impressed at how much I'd gotten done, how I color coded it so at a glance she could see what was going on.

We talked a bit about what I could work on while she's out this week. One of the things was to build a decision tree so these geeks and engineers could see what the consequences would be if they don't pay up for their licenses. Another is to continue to bug the Northridge site to get their list of licenses. Then there's the last two weeks of purchased licenses to integrate into the other lists I have going.

And then there's the required training that even contractors have to do. Since I came in late - I got my photo hard badge this morning, yeah - I decided to work on the training while waiting for the interview. Got half of it done, finished the rest of it this afternoon. Nice to have it done and out of the way.

With the training done, the decision tree started, it was time to come home.

Started crocheting the laprobe together. Almost done with that, then I can start on the edging. Get that done this weekend, wash it and send it over to Project Warm Hearts. Another tax write off for me.
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No plans for tomorrow night. Other than I might make some ice cream. I found a really basic recipe using half and half, sugar and vanilla. Might give that a whirl in the ice cream freezer. The tub is outside and it's supposed to get down to -2 new year's morning, perfect time to make ice cream. Better than paying $6 or better for a quart, or even a pint.

Hmm, perhaps I may want to consider making up some basic vanilla bases this winter so I can have ice cream this summer. That might even be worth firing up the freezer for again. Put it in vacuum pack bags... I'm starting to like this idea.

A good day

Yesterday was a good day. I got to spend a chunk of it with my created family, and it was most definitely what I needed.

Jones clan, because of the fog Friday night, came in yesterday morning. I headed to the rec center to get set up and get the french toast bake made. Once Jones' got here, got the Wii set up with the projector aimed at the wall and away we went. The Jones' Mii's showed up, the Dominiks each have a Mii now, so the plaza is starting to fill up. Note to self - send Keth and D's Mii's to Jones so we have them for the summer.

Wii music is good fun. There are four different drum kits available, so if you have the Wii Fit balance board, you can use that for the bass drum and top hat cymbals, then go to town. For those of us who have always wanted a full trap set and either couldn't afford it or didn't have the room, here you go. Add one game to my list.

Once Dominiks arrived, we started in on the four player games. We bowled, even got Grandma in on the act. Played golf, tennis, had loads of fun. One injury - R got too close to the table we set the projector and game on and bashed her hand pretty good.

All in all, a pretty good day. One I suspect we will be repeating in the future, as long as I'm in my current location with the party room. Come summer, we'll have to load up and go out to Jones clan and have a party night out there.

Here are the combined clans:
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Christmas Day was good as well. Spend the afternoon with the Dominiks. Supper was hilarious, the food was good, good memories to take home.

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Donated platelets Friday morning. This was one of those rare times when it hurt, and still does a bit. The nurse who stuck me found a different vein to use, so the vein wasn't happy, and the tip may have gotten into the far wall. Add on top both hands going numb, not a great experience.

What matter is that the triple dose of platelets is going to someone who needs them more than I do.

Dr. M, when I went to see him that afternoon, was amazed to hear what my platelet count is. Then he tried to put me back to rights, which wasn't an easy process. Something is going on between my neck, shoulders and elbows and is messing with my hands. He moved some things around, then gave me some exercises to do in the shower to help loosen things up. If it's not better in a couple weeks, I need to go back to see him. Joy.

I need to go look up what issues are connected to the body parts in question. That may give me an idea as to what is causing this to act up at this point.
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As for today, laundry is in the dryer. I may portion out what's left of the french toast bake and take that for lunch this week, or at least the first three days of the week. Wash dishes. Probably finish up the laprobe I've been working on. See what else I can get the gumption to do.

Merry Christmas

To the family members now reading this blog:

Welcome to my world. The Beth you thought you knew, well, you just might find otherwise. This blog gives you a look at who I am in the present moment. What I write may frighten you, make you laugh, wonder about the state of my mental health, who knows?

Bear with me. This is my path. Come walk beside me for a ways if you like.

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I now have the Wii hooked up to the internet and have sent Jones clan my address, so I expect their Mii's to show up at some point. Kethry, my Mii, is getting lonesome all by herself in the plaza. Not that she's on much, I expect she's going to get a real workout on Saturday.

Been doing a bit of cleaning this morning. I do have to fit six more people into this space tomorrow night, which is going to be a challenge. Clean off the couch and loveseat, leave space for the recliner to recline and I think most will have a place to sleep.

This afternoon I'll head for Dominiks. Bring them their presents, spend some time. Gotta make up a batch or two of yucca buns for dinner so I have something to eat, bread wise.

Other than that, the furballs and I are enjoying a quiet day, so far. Other than Shadow doing her 5 am holler. Got to work on that diva complex of hers.

Tomorrow is platelet donation and hopefully a trip to the chiropractor. If Dr. R isn't in, Dr. M will do, I just need to have everything put back to rights.

Hope you all have a great day, more later on what transpires, and hopefully some photos on Saturday.

Quiet eve

Tis a quiet eve around my house tonight. Just me and the furballs as usual. Building is quiet, seems most people have left as well, which is nice.

Very quiet at work today. During the morning, I think there were maybe three people other than me in my side area of the building. I got to park right up front, next to the elevators today. Getting to work was a breeze, hardly any trafic.

Once there... I met with the admin they currently have. She's transitioning into a full time writing career doing the electronic versions of the manuals for the products we make. I would be doing all the admin work, proofing, pulling together the weekly reports, taking notes at the department meetings, etc. One of her concerns is that I'll be bored. I won't be if I set the intention to find all the things that need to be done, and it sounds like there is a lot of them.

There's room to grow. They are always looking to hire from inside for writing. It's physician and clinician manuals, stuff like that. It's the first real opportunity I've had to grow into something in many years.

I'll interview with one of the technical writers and the department head next week. If they extend an offer, then I give Dolphin my two week notice, tell my current boss, and go like hell to get things pulled together as much as I can for her before I go.

Why the change of heart? I talked to the agency today. My normal recruiter was on his way home, so I talked to someone else. She said they wouldn't have a problem with it. Contrast that to what he said to me earlier about once I start an assignment, I have to hold off on interviewing. See what happens, cross that bridge when I get there.

Now I need to set up the wireless router again. With Jones clan coming in, they want to send me their MII's. They are bringing their projector with, so we can use that to play the Wii on in the party room. I think I've got a white or light sheet we can hang on the wall as a screen.

Ah, the joys of technology, which I will tackle in the morning.

Dilemma

So, I get a call today from the HR gal. Would I please, please at least talk to the group informally, because they really want to meet me. Yes, I will meet with them. Got a call from one of them this afternoon, I'm sitting down with her at the in house Caribou at 9 tomorrow morning. I'll meet with the rest of them next week.

If I get the offer, what do I do? Yes, it's early in the project, I've gotten a lot done that would leave someone else in good shape. I'm not one to leave a job hanging, which I feel I would be doing if I left this far into it.

I'm wondering if a compromise could be reached: I would put in 4 days for the IT group I'm working with and one day a week with the new group. Be on two different payrolls. If the tech comm group likes my work, I'll stay after I'm done with this current assignment.

I'm trying to find options that work for everyone and be a bit selfish for me at the same time. Putting in 36 hours for the temp company and another 8-9 for the tech comm group would financially help me. If tech comm needs more hours, I'll find a way. It is a short term thing - I've already put in two weeks on my 20 week contract.

I've done two full time jobs at the same time before. I overlapped between CM and Home Depot for three years, two of them at full time for both. It damn near killed me, because I didn't see an end in sight. This would be different, because I know come April 24, the temp job is done.

For now, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, if I get to it.
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I crashed early last night. I was falling asleep in my chair between 8 & 9, so I just trucked off to bed.

Got a comment tonight as I was waiting for the elevators about looking wiped out. You try having your head in Excel all day, going through one list of 300 known licenses vs 500+ people using the products. Go through, double check, make sure I got them all, note which ones don't fit in anywhere.

There are going to be some crabby people as this rolls out. They have one license for sure, but not for both, so they either have to pay up or lose it. We debated yesterday in our meeting about the wisdom of going to concurrent licenses on a Citrix box with a terminal server. That may be one option, especially with the company being forced into going to corporate Vista.

Have I told you lately how much I hate Microsoft? Windows especially, since it's a blatant rip off of the Apple GUI (graphic user interface) that was out long before Windows 95 came out.
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Snagged the party room for the clan get together on Saturday. Not quite sure what we're going to do, as there's no TV in there, unless someone wants to go rent one for the Wii.

Eat, drink, be merry, enjoy the company. We'll figure something out.

One good thing about winter...

...is that you have a convenient extra freezer if you need one. Handy for making ice cream, too.

Didn't get as much done as I was hoping to. Did get the blinds up, with an inch or so gap in the middle. That's a bit annoying in the middle of the night, other than that they work well. Nice and dark.

Today I washed clothes - just in time as my last batch must have killed one of the washers. Washed dishes, didn't quite get to making the risotto. I still have soup left, so I'll take that with and see about doing the risotto tomorrow night.

The yogurt I made last weekend turned out very thick and good. I added a heaping tablespoon of raw honey to the mix, and there's just a hint of the flavor in it. Next time, two heaping tablespoons and heat it up so it mixes in better.

I may have solved my heating issues. Ran around the house with my digital instant read thermometer to see just how cold it was in here. Most rooms were between 62-66 degrees. I moved the couch, played with the zone valve, gave it time to get things moving. No joy. So I started playing with the thermostat. Perhaps that helped. It's not as cold in here, relatively. The outside temp may have also risen, which could have been the change as well.

It's probably time to get a new thermostat. The one that's there is probably the original one put in 40 some years ago, as it has a capsule of mercury in it. Have to dispose of that properly and find something that will work with this antique system.

Always something.

Busy

Busy bee, this morning me.

I was out the door by 7:30 this morning. I filled up Taez's tank, ran him through the car wash so he's blue and gold again, and not likely to be missed in a snow flurry. From there I stopped and got some groceries. Came home, hauled garbage and recycling and had that done by 9 am.

I am now in the middle of trying to put up my new blinds. Machinery in the form of my drill is not cooperating - ie the batteries, both of them, are dead. So one is charging. I did get one of the clips drilled and up before the battery died. I'll get the rest of them up later and actually have a dark bedroom tonight. And not have to worry about people walking through my back yard, or the cats playing with the cords.

Yesterday was the holiday party at work. Meal was so-so, kind of expected when you're trying to feed 3,000 people in under 2 hours.

It was the founder's 85th birthday, so the cupcakes all had an '85' on them. Most people didn't get that until he spoke during the program. He's benefited from the company's technology - he has both a pacemaker and the insulin pump. He read a letter from a patient that has seen his children grow up, have kids of their own, and have great grandkids because 36 years ago he got a pacemaker.

The program features a patient that has been helped by each of the divisions in the company. There were two boys, 7 & 9, from Alaska that both have the insulin pumps. One gentleman and his doctor both have the surgery solution to stop snoring - three plastic rods inserted in the soft palate that stiffen it so you don't snore. A woman who has an intrathecal baclafin pump that puts medication into the space around her spinal cord to help stop spasms is one of the few to have a child while on the pump. A local high school basketball referee had a heart attack during a game, a high school girl started CPR, told others to get the school's automatic external defibrillator and used it to start his heart again - he now also has an internal defibrillator as well.

The stories get to you every year. The company helps a person around the world once every 5 seconds. The founder wants a clock in every building showing that, and that can change as we speed up that help.

One part I didn't remember is that we all get out of work two hours early the day of the holiday program. I waited until 3:30 to give others a chance to get out of there. Then I headed first to Whole Foods to get cat food and a few other things. Then I went to JC Penney to get my blinds. Stopped at Checkers to get a new power steering cap - dropped Taez's other one down in the engine compartment somewhere when I tried to add fluid Thursday morning. I still made it home by the time I usually get home last night. Cats were happy and so was I.

After lunch I'll finish getting the blinds up. Sort clothes so I can wash them tomorrow. Wash dishes so I can cook - make up a big batch of tomato risotto, add in veggies. Get the outdoor freezer set up - I washed out a cooler I have, moved a table next to the door so it's right handy for freezer overflow. Make another batch of yucca buns.

See just how ambitious I get today and tomorrow. Monday it's back to work for three days. Thursday I'm planning on heading to the Dominik clan. Friday sometime the Jones clan comes to town. Saturday hopefully we can all spend some time together, get photos. Sunday I get to recover before going back to work for three days, off the 1st, back on the 2nd.

Eeek, not sure if I'm ready for a new year. They go faster and faster the older I get.

Oy...

The interview I turned down continues to haunt me. The HR gal emailed me asking me to reconsider. I told her I'd interview, but I don't think it's fair to the department that if they choose me, they have to wait until April 27, 2009 until I can start. She doesn't think the agency can hold me to the contract. At this point, I don't want to piss off the gal I've already started work for.

The work is easy enough, it's absorbing enough to keep even my easily distractable brain engaged in what I'm doing. I'm off in a different area, so I see my boss maybe once or twice a day, which is fine with me.

Vendors are bringing in treats, so she emailed me to come get some bagels. I walked over there, figuring it was a good time to tell her about my food allergies. I told her thanks, but no thanks, the wheat inflames my hands and makes them hurt, and corn is a literal pain in the gut.

The good news is, she understands, because her son has the dreaded peanut allergy. He has a milder form that hasn't yet caused his throat to swell shut, they have a couple Epi-pens just in case. He does sometimes react to eggs and milk, and has asthma on top of it. So we chatted about that for a few moments, and she said she was glad to know what issues I have, to keep in mind for the future.

Tomorrow will be fun, food wise. It's the company Holiday party. Each campus is having a catered lunch by the company that runs the on-site cafeterias. There will be roasted turkey and dressing, gravy, buttermilk mashed potatoes, roasted root veggies, desert and more. I think I'll stick with the meat, veggies and potatoes, cause I know those are safe. The rest, we'll see about.

Come home tonight, not much on TV. However, Emeril Green, on Planet Green, has a show on gluten free New Orleans food. The gal featured has Ceilac disease, as do her daughters, ages 8 and 5. Emeril showed her how to make a roux out of rice flour and olive oil for an etouffee and gluten free pecan pie, plus gluten free beer. Sweetness!

So, end of week one tomorrow. The week has flown by. I've gotten a lot done, I've got more to do.

short

It's late, I'm climbing into bed as soon as I'm done with this.

Work continues to be easy. The day flew by as I got my head into the data and started pulling things apart. This is the kind of work I like to do, if I'm not writing, that is.

I need to come up with a better way to do my sleeve extender. I'll probably wait until this weekend to really pull it together. For now, a square of fleece stuck up my sleeve that extends over my hand works fine. Warm hands mean working hands.

Raini likes having the heating pad in her crate. She's been napping in there several times. Shad's even tried it.

Temp in the house is better today. The fact that it's almost 20 degrees warmer outside may have something to do with that.

Time for bed. G'night.

I live in MN why?

Days like today make me wonder what is causing me to stay in MN. It's the only state I've lived in all my life, almost everyone I know is here, and truthfully, winter isn't that long. Although bitter cold can make it seem like forever.

Not sure if the new valve I had put in last week is working or if it's just that damn cold, but it's in the 60's in my unit. I'm getting some heat, cause the register next to my desk isn't ice cold, still, brr. Thankfully the electric mattress pad is still working, I turned that up on high for an hour before I went to bed last night, hopped into a nice toasty warm bed. I found one of my timers, so the pad will turn on around 9 and stay on until midnight.

I slept like a rock last night, literally. I went to sleep and didn't move, woke up at 4:45. I needed that kind of deep sleep, after not sleeping the night before. Taking the tryptophan at 9, then taking a melatonin right before I went to sleep did the trick.

I even caved and put a heating pad in the crate under the fleece for Raini and Shad. Raini is in and out, warming up and then going elsewhere. Raini slept with me last night, and cuddled under the comforter for a while while I meditated this morning.

Now, you would think with this cold weather, and working in an almost brand new (less than a year old) building, it would be warm in there. Not so. I had my 'magic' scarf around my neck and over my hands to keep them warm as I was trying to analyze data. I need to dig out some fleece and create a 'mouse house' for my trackball. Hands do not work well when cold. Being a massage therapist, I need to protect them. I like my hands the way they are, thank you very much.

Not much to say about work. Analyze data, try to make sense of what I'm seeing, try to figure out what is causing the system to pull in info that doesn't seem relevant. Add to that the place is closed next Thursday and Friday, so it's a short week. Boss is out after Monday, as both she and her hubby work there, and someone has to stay home with their kids while they are off from school. Following week we're closed on Thursday only, so I can still get in 36 hours.
Start bringing in some cash and catching up on the bills.

I did break down and buy one thing for the house - new shades for my bedroom. They are almost blackout shades, no cords and have a metallic backing to reflect the heat/cold. The shades I have now are see through - not good enough if someone walks through the back yard and I'm changing clothes.

Brrr....

Dunno about you, it's too early in the season to have temps this cold. Don't know that it got above 0 degrees today, and it's supposed to drop to -15 tonight. Add on the windchill... Had to stop and put gas in Taez tonight. That was a cold few minutes filling until I hit $20, which was about a half a tank of gas.

First day of work went well. Usual run around with getting back into the system, then having to deal with 238 emails from the people I previously worked with.

This is going to be an interesting project. You would think for a company with 38,000 people that they would have a policy about how to buy software. They don't. Every business unit, which used to be a stand alone company until bought out by this company, is in some ways still using it's own method of buying software. That's going to make the project I'm working on harder.

I expect as we move through this that a policy and procedures will be developed for company wide use, no matter what the business unit. Until then, I get to slog through the Visio and Project files, matching up licensed users to PO's before we uninstall those who don't need it or aren't licensed. Joy.

The weather is dictating what I'm getting done, as well. I'm sitting by a large bank of windows, so even with a polartec jacket on, I was still cold. I'll grab a loose piece of fleece tomorrow to put over my legs, see if that helps. If not, perhaps an afghan I have from Grandma Beck will get hauled to work and put into use.

Didn't do much over the weekend. Started another afghan out of yarn I already have. I'll make a lap robe out of that. Need to get some other yarn to go with a ruby red I have that I'd like to use up and get out of here.

I did make yogurt and yucca buns. Played with the yucca dough a bit to see if I could make it into something resembling a pizza crust, since it's 2 cups of shredded cheese to 1 cup of tapioca flour. It worked well when you partially bake it, add the sauce - bar-b-que for this - plus meatballs. Tasted pretty good. Second day, not so much. Gotta play with the recipe, see if there's a bit more give there somewhere.

Now, if I can just sleep tonight. First I couldn't get to sleep last night, then I couldn't stay asleep. Bah. Oh well, since I took a shower when I got home tonight, I can sleep in until 4:50 am, meditate and still get out the door by 7:15.

Fer sure

Nine am Monday I am officially back to work.

That said, I'm still cleaning. Finished up the filing I didn't get done yesterday. Went and got the 2+ weeks worth of mail, so the postal carrier will be happy, sorted through that. While I was sorting I found a check for $138, so that helps things out for the next two weeks until I get a pay check.

I got a bill for my health insurance that I need to get a certified check for. Oops. In that same pile I also got the tax estimate for property taxes on my farm - they are going up 42% from last year. Ouch.

Haven't been very productive otherwise. I do believe I've run out of steam on the cleaning. Things are better, not perfect, but better than they were when I started a month ago.

I think I will spend this weekend cooking. I need to make meals for work. Perhaps tomato risotto with beef, some squash risotto with chicken, perhaps enhance the soup I made this week. Yogurt for sure.

I am very happy to say that Jones clan is coming down for the holidays. Spend Christmas day with Dominiks, then Jones come to town. That is the balm my soul needs, to be with people I can be myself with.
And yes, I am getting pictures of the entire group - I'm thinking a shot on the Dominik's back porch, with everyone lined up around the stairs - will be the perfect thing for my family area. New pictures for a new year.

I'm also thinking about letting the blood family know about this blog. Then they can keep up with me if they want to.

Ugh, now to deal with the hunger. I had a pear for lunch, hot chocolate and granola bars for a mid afternoon snack, and now I'm HUNGRY. May have to clean out the frying pan and fry up a couple more burgers, or maybe some hash browns and a burger...

Back to work

Good news, finally. I go back to work next week, possibly on Monday. The interview I had this morning went very well, she was impressed with my skills.

Here's what I will be doing. The company has 38,000 employees, not including all of us contractors. They have a 3 year contract with Microsoft that is coming up for renewal, and one of the MS products, the company owns 6,000 licenses and the software is installed on 18,000 machines. What I will be doing is comparing lists of current employees and contractors against the list of machines, eliminating those no longer with the company or scrapped machines. Then its basically continuing to sort the list, see who really needs the software, who doesn't, make arrangements for the software to be uninstalled from the machines and go from there.

I have from now until April 24 to do this. Here's the thing that was hinted at but not said - this could turn into a full time job. No one is currently watching over the licenses compared to users. Just this one project alone will take five months, can you imagine going through EVERY piece of software they have and doing this? If I can write the procedures well enough, they may be able to justify a new job come May when their new budget starts. If I'm already doing the job...

What sucks is I have to let the full time interview I had scheduled for Monday go. Guaranteed income vs a possible chance? I have to take the guaranteed income. Get caught up on the bills, talk to the mortgage company and association to make payment arrangements so I'm OK with them.

Then I need to work like crazy on the copywriting and get that off the ground.

So, I have the rest of today, minus a run for another drug test, plus three more days to finish my cleaning. Better get busy, continue my sorting and filing. Some of this stuff I have to handle a couple times to get it to the right file spot.

I'm now thinking I will keep the desk in the living room. I just had an idea to move it into the corner where the pantry is, possibly angling it into the corner so it faces east, move the pantry down where the freezer is now, move the freezer over. Do my bills there, maybe even move the G4 tower out there so I can play on the computer without having to come into the office to do stuff. Keep the personal stuff out there, the business in the office.
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Damn it, I didn't want to give up that full time interview. I don't have a choice, given this is a 20 week position. They won't wait 20 weeks for me.
Yeah, I have work. It hurts, letting the interview go, on top of the other grief I'm feeling.

I've found myself missing Mom a couple times over the last few days. Letting go of all this stuff that doesn't serve me has allowed that to surface. Emotion is energy in motion, let it flow over me and through me, and when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see it's path and only I will remain. (If that seems vaguely familiar, it's a riff on The Litany Against Fear from Dune by Frank Herbert.)

The grief may also be from this time of year. I HATE the holidays. About the only good thing from it is getting together with the people you care about, spending time and creating new memories with them.

The quote from Neale Donald Walsch today is "....that happiness is good health and a bad memory. Ingrid Bergman said that, and it is so true. Memories, of course, bring up moments that are past, whereas happiness is always found in the moment that is here, now.
Constantly remembering bad things, or sad things, can rob you of your present -- that is, your pre-sent -- joy.
Happiness has been sent to you in advance by God. It is here, in this moment, if you will seize it...and share it. "

More news

More interesting news. Got a call from the temp agency, they are putting me up for a 5 month position that would be doing Excel data analysis, starting on the 17th. I may have to go do another drug test, which isn't a problem since I know I'm clean and they are paying the bill.

I'm back to cleaning. I'm re-sorting the stuff from the living room desk, putting it where it needs to go. Decide if I want to keep the paper boxes, which are actually shoe boxes from when I worked at Walmart 15 years ago. I'm thinking they will go out to the recycling bin. In the future, when I need to sort and store things, I will be able to purchase new storage that works and is more pleasant to the eye than green paper boxes.

I'm starting to think part of the tiredness is two-fold. I haven't been with people since class three weeks ago, other than the grocery store and dropping off recyclables. Part of it may be grief, for all the things I've let go. As I've fallen asleep the last couple nights, I've thought about some of the stuff. I gave it away with my blessings for it to go to a new home where someone else needs it more and will use it and love it. I'm doing my best to flip my thoughts when they come, just need to roll with what the body is feeling.

Still trying to figure out the balance between focusing on what I want and letting things go with the Law of Attraction. I know if I 'want' something, I'll be wanting it forever. If I switch to 'I am' statements with gratitude and relief, that's more like I have it now, it just needs to appear in my life.
Some days I can be really patient, other days not.

Maybe I do need to just go back to bed and let myself sleep. See if my soul can get through to to my mind while I dream.
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Edit 5 pm

Got a call at 3:30, do you want to interview for the temp job tomorrow morning at 9 am? Sure.

Scramble to put away the stuff I'd been sorting from the kitchen table (made it that far!), hopped in the shower. Went to get my hair cut tonight, which I was going to do, along with the grocery shopping, tomorrow morning.

The position is for five months doing Excel data analysis. See what happens.

Some good news

Just checked my email and got a note from the company I turned my e-screen in to asking for when in the next two weeks I was available for an interview. I replied that I have a very flexible schedule and am waiting to hear back when I am scheduled for.

Whew. I had a few moments earlier today where I was in tears, wondering how I'd get through this.

Yes, I know an interview doesn't mean I have the job. It's the hope I need to keep going. And another kick to finish the cleaning I've started. Once I am back on the job, who knows when I'll have time to clean like this again?

I suppose, when I go out on Thursday to get a few groceries, I need to spend a few bucks and get my hair trimmed. My bangs are almost below my eyes, and the back could use some cleaning up as well. Make myself presentable.

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Not sure what's going on with my body. It's been really hard to come out of meditation this last week. I've ended up sleeping another half hour to two hours after the last CD shuts off. Perhaps all of those years of four hours of sleep catching up to me, along with the shorter days.

As G reminded me, winter solstice is less than two weeks away, and the daylight will start getting longer. They may be colder in January and February, but longer.

---
Still going through book 3 of CwG. Almost everything continues to ring true for me. One thing I know for sure, the man in my life will have to read the series if he hasn't already, see how much he agrees with or not. That may be as much of a test for him as meeting my created family.
---

Soup is on. I browned up some hamburger, threw in some beef stock and french onion soup stock, added some veggies, beans and barley, call it good. I may add a can of condensed milk to give it some creaminess, richness.

I do believe a glass of vino is in store tonight, as well. Finish the bottle I opened Thanksgiving. Gotta love the vacuum sealer and caps I bought while I was in TTV.

Conversations with God, the books

While I was out doing my platelet donation on Saturday, I went to Half Price Books to see if they had volume 3 of the Conversations with God series. They did, so it came home with me. I finished reading book 2 between naps on Saturday, then dove into 3 yesterday.

I do have to say that CwG is the closest I've come to seeing someone else write about how I view and relate to the Universal Consciousness. Since I was little, I've objected to calling that Consciousness God, because frankly it didn't feel or seem right to me. I knew the Missouri Synod Lutheran church I was forced to go to, to my young mind (between 8-15 years old) had their story wrong. I knew it, just couldn't articulate it, and when I did my so-called elders who knew better didn't.

CwG resonates to my truth, which may not agree with your truth, and that is perfectly fine. I am not religious, spiritual, very much so. I'm not fond of the boxes religion puts around my relationship with the Universe.

If you haven't read them, might be something to look at. You may think the books are blasphemy, have an open mind. See if it resonates with your truth. If you think it is blasphemy, take a hard look at what is causing you to think that way. Is it your own beliefs, or is it what someone else told you to believe? Put on your critical thinking cap and start picking things apart. Does it make your heart sing, does it feel like truth to you?

Just try it. Never know what might happen.
---
As I've been cleaning, I came across a quote in one of my old yearly tablets that I keep track of business things in. It is:
Act as if you are worthy to have what you want, and the Universe will prove you correct - Alan Cohen.

How true is that?
---
Sent in my e-screen this morning.

Other than that, time to Photoread, yet again, the copywriting manual. Then I need to finish cleaning off and out the desk in the living room, then the kitchen table. Between I need to decide if I keep the desk or put it up on Craig's List. If I keep it, I need to energetically clean it, because it comes with a load of history that is no longer relevant.

I do believe

Things are starting to move in the direction I prefer.

I received an e-screen today for the job I applied for on Wednesday. Went to check the job description and it had already been taken down, so it looks like they want to move fast on this one. The e-screen is basically a written interview to help narrow down the candidates. I've got most of it done, need to tweak a few answers.

The give away question asked if I had done any business writing. Let's see... "I have done several pieces of business writing. I was a newspaper reporter, photographer and proofreader for almost three years, covering school, city and county governments, and local events. While at [CM] I wrote a user manual for a software application. At Home Depot I wrote user manuals and policy/procedure manuals for the phone center and the kitchen and bath departments, along with co-writing the cashier handbook that became a district standard. At [T] I wrote the procedure manual for handling the 27 sources of leads the company dealt with. At [J] I edited and re-wrote the procedures for the college lead generation. I have co-authored a book, ‘Sacred Healing’, with 11 other coaches. I am also taking a correspondence course in copywriting to expand my writing skill set." How's that for an answer?

I also got a call from my not so favorite temp agency offering me a CSR job for a law firm. The pay was way below grade for dealing with upset customers, and I am SO over doing CSR work. That they wanted me to decide right then if I wanted it or not caused me to say no, call me for admin only.
Was I foolish to turn down two weeks of work that I don't like to do? Possibly. There are just some things I am no longer willing to do, and that type of work is what caused me to stop using that agency in the first place - they couldn't see me doing anything else.

On to bigger and better things. I'm getting better about snapping myself out of unproductive thinking and back to what I want to see and have happen in my life.

Photoread the copywriting again today. Practice makes permanent, ya know, so I'm getting this stuff into my head and letting it be cross referenced and parallel processed in the subconscious so I can pull it up at will later.

I do believe the majority of the shredding is done. The fifth contractors bag is about half full. I have not yet tackled the kitchen table, so there may be more there. Still, it felt good to have that done.

Platelet donation tomorrow. While I'm out I am going to stop at Half Price Books to find the third Conversations with God book, mail the presents to Jones clan and find a Fed Ex for the last of the toner cartridges.

Off to watch Stargate: Atlantis and Sanctuary.

Thinking

As noted previously, I've been re-reading Conversations with God volume 1 again, when I've needed a break from the cleaning.

Thanking ahead, claiming in 'I am' statements got my attention last night. According to Walsch, the masters knew that to thank ahead for what they wanted by thinking it, saying it out loud, and taking action on those thoughts was what produced the reality they were seeking.

In particular, as Walsch was writing, he, too, lost his job, and was wondering how he was going to take care of his family with no income. God's reply was that he had left the job mentally and emotionally long before he physically lost the job.
Ouch. Yes, I had said in my own head I was so done with that job, and I made it so. In recognizing that, I also have the power to make the next job happen. It's been a matter of wanting it, claiming it in my head, then stating it out loud for the Universe to notice.

When I was out and about yesterday, several times out loud I created my story about getting a job that met my work values, my work pleased my boss and co-workers, it met my money requirements, left me with plenty of energy at the end of the day so I could come home and work on the copywriting to learn how, then to work on jobs I pick up. I embellished the copywriting part of it, that it was easy to do, the learning came easy, I could offer customers full service from writing copy to taking the photos to laying the piece out and finding a printer for them. I did the first couple contracts while still on the job full time. I put away the money I made on those to be able to pay myself a salary once I quit the job. I was half way into the second contract when I lined up the contracts for three, four and five. With those lined up, I started the transition out of the job and into the copywriting full time.

When I got home, I continued to repeat the story out loud. Then I read the 'I am' part, and started to understand. About 4 pm yesterday I got a call from one of my temp agencies that wanted to put me up for a 2-3 week gig while a department transitions from one admin to another. See what happens with that. It's the first call I've gotten in four weeks. I'm ready to go back to the job now, please.

That's the other key. I did not say, until yesterday, that I was ready to go back to a job. I've been working this whole last four weeks on my own stuff, but I didn't say, out loud, that I was ready to go back to a job. When I did, the Universe noticed.

I know I can manifest stuff and relatively quickly. Taez is just one example. The last job was also an example, with a reminder to be careful what you wish for. I think this time I've set better boundaries about the job and the people I expect to work with. And frankly, the company culture where I would like to have a job at is a complete opposite of the last - they didn't get to be a $13 billion (yes, billion) a year company by playing small. Their values and beliefs about human life and potential are in line with mine, and I know I can easily fit in with the people there.

Besides, with all the cleaning and space clearing I've done in my helpful people & travel, career and knowledge & wisdom areas, something can start moving.

I have started PhotoReading my copywriting materials. I did the paraliminal yesterday, then Photoflipped the manual for general information and to open the file. Today I Photoflipped for more specific information, re-enforcing what I did yesterday. Then I briefly re-read the PhotoReading book, because I knew I was forgetting a couple steps.

I know PhotoReading works, I saw it when I took the class a couple years ago. Perhaps when Paul teaches it in March I can take it again for a discounted rate. Refresh my memory, even though I have the PhotoReading kit from Learning Strategies.

Off to PhotoRead some of the supplementary copywriting material I have picked up over the last couple months.

When will it end?

Cleaning, that is. I am getting tired of cleaning and would dearly love to go back to work now, please. I did apply online for the tech comm admin job at the company I like, so we'll see what happens with that.

Here are the photos I promised from a couple days ago.



As you can see, the office now has clear floor space and I can move around without anything blocking my way. What a relief to have this opened up, I'm facing a good direction and the door (although I do have to move slightly, since I'm sitting behind a 24" monitor). It's just good to be out from under the clutter.

I do need to reset the office energy. Mr. Maintenance, besides taking forever to do the shut off and new zone valves, stank to high heaven. His cologne reeked, the POP gas he used to solder the plumbing joints stunk, plus all the old boiler water. Yuck. Need to burn some paulo santo wood again, reset the energy.

So here's what the desk area in the living room looks like.

Yesterday I sorted off the entire top of the desk, went through the drawers, then went through five plastic bins that were between the desk and the pantry. What was in the bins mostly went in the garbage or recycling, or is in the process of being shredded into the fifth contractors bag of shredding.

When I wasn't cleaning off the desk, I was working on the shelves above my couch. Most of the knick knacks that I've gotten over the years went to ARC today. (Note: if you're trying to clean up ceramic figurines that have smoke and dust on them, try the Mr. Clean miracle sponges. Took off the crud, didn't take off the paint.) Washed the glass shelves and the other items that are going back up.

Today I made a trip to ARC and Ocean Tech. Ocean Tech got my electronics recycling. I realize now I forgot the inkjet printer and the boom box. Oh well, next trip. I keep going like this and there will be another trip to ARC before the end of the year, and another to Ocean as well.

On the way, I stopped at UPS to ship back a broken modem, used toner cartridges and drum unit. Some of the toner cartridges have been around since the early 90's, when I bought the HP 4MP for Trekadence, so Bill and Shawn could put out the newsletter. (I also found a Wyld Gryphons tape, the 'musical' group those two did at that time.)

Now if I could just get Womanizer and Circus out of my head... Watched Brit on GMA yesterday morning, and the songs are stuck in my head.

Ugh

Maintenance guy was here today switching out the shut off valve. What should have been a couple hour project turned into an all day fiasco, leaving me with wet carpets in both the office and living room, plus needing to clean up after him. I'll drag the carpet cleaner in tomorrow.

I did get more cleaning done today. Worded on the desk and the boxes beside the desk, along with cleaning the glass shelves above my couch. Lots of what was on the shelves is now in the ARC pile. Time to bless this stuff and let it go.

In the sorting and recycling, I found the rest of the parts for my iPod vehicle adapter, the repair manuals for my bike and truck, and a whole mess more of shredding to do. Several trips to the garbage and recycling bins were made, with more to be done.

I am tired. Would have been interesting to wear a pedometer today to see how many steps I took going back and forth between places.

Perhaps photos tomorrow. Time for supper.

Next...

I'm declaring the office 95% done with the cleaning. There are a few more minor things that could be done, but for now it's good enough. There is open floor space, the felines have at least three places to nap, and most everything else is put away.

Next spot is the desk that is in the living room. I started cleaning it, discovered another pile of stuff from 1995. Oy. So most of that is going to the shredder. There is some other stuff I need to decide if it's going back to its original owner or to ARC, with ARC likely to win. There's only so much I can do, might as well give it to a place that can use it. That also means I don't have bring that person back into my life again. She's moved on, and most likely moved up north, so I have no way to get a hold of her. If she hasn't asked for it back by now, she's forgotten I have it.

Heard back from the HR gal at the company I was temping at. She thinks I'm capable of doing an analyst job, even though I've never worked with SAP and have extremely limited experience with Oracle. I'm leery about it. On the other hand, she does have an admin job coming up in technical communications, which I would be up for.

In between, I've been re-reading bits and pieces of Conversations with God, volume 1. It hit home again with me about the thanking ahead part, that I need to thank the Universe for having what I want, especially when I don't have it yet.

Thanking ahead brings up some stuff I need to work on, things I need to do some acceptance work around. I think I've mentioned this before, about the behaviors of some people who have money in contrast to how I usually behave. Does my behavior, ethics and values have to change in order to become wealthy, or do I simply need to let go of some old things that no longer serve my current situation? Probably a bit of both.

I do believe I will give the dust some time to settle and go start the edging on the afghan. With a little luck I may even finish that tonight. Photos of cleaning and the afghan tomorrow.

Yeah...

Well, yesterday turned out not near as good as I had hoped. Made about a third of what I did Friday night. What work I did do helped alleviate people's pain, so I did some good.

Finished picking out what I wanted in trade, so now it's to get those presents to the people they need to go to. I do believe the US Post Office will be making some deliveries on my behalf this year.

Other than that, work on the afghan continues. I now remember why I don't make afghans with small blocks - I am not fond of stitching them all together. It's a royal pain in the fingers as it takes at least an hour to do one row. I do believe I'll stick to bigger blocks, like I did for McK's afghan. Much easier.

Raini continues to nap in unusual places. Lately it's been in the passage to the bathroom, or by the heat registers in my office. She'll sleep with me at night, but won't meditate with me.

Shadow, now, is starting to get the shakes Raini gets. I'm wondering if it's a feline version of Parkinson's, or some type of tremor. Shad is just once in a while as she's on my lap. Raini will shake hard enough that if she's standing or sitting she'll fall over. If she's in my lap, not so bad. At least most of the house is carpeted, so it's not like she's landing on bare concrete and hurting herself worse.

While I was at the event yesterday, I got to talking to one of the gals that owns the company. She asked how my Thanksgiving was, and I told her I'd spent it alone. She immediately invited me over for their family's Christmas holiday.
We'll see where I'm at in 25 days. I would rather not get involved in another family's holiday dynamics. I hated the holidays as it was with my own family, what would cause me to want to get involved in someone elses? No thank you.

I also had the unfortunate luck to run into a former friend yesterday. I knew there was a chance she might show up, and she did. I kept it short and civil. Just as she was about to leave, she came back and said she had no idea why she might have landed on my former friends list, that I was more than welcome back in her life.

When I was friends with her, the running joke was that she was the Drama Queen of Denial. She has an unbelievably short memory, and one that doesn't remember her wrong doings. When you try to confront her with something that happened even just minuets ago, she denies it happened because she doesn't remember it. Her defense is that she lives in the now. She doesn't understand how that short memory has caused major problems in her life, from her daughter being abused by her son to her divorce to several friends like me walking away because we don't want to deal with her stuff.

With my long memory, I do remember what happened, what the blow up was about, and what caused me to walk away. I have no interest in getting back into that kind of drama, the daily fireworks, the woe is me, or the network marketing BS. I won't be going back to that. I'm not that desperate for friends to put up with that crap ever again.

Here's to hoping the feng shui starts kicking in tomorrow.

Some days

Some days you get lucky.

A couple weeks ago a gal I know that owns a jewelry line asked if I would come and do chair massage during their 'girl's night out' event tonight. Sure, why not. When I said yes, I figured I'd have a job by now, this would just be icing on the cake. We know how that went.

In 5 hours of doing chair massage, I made $90 in tips, plus jewelry or their other items in exchange for doing it for tips only. The jewelry and scarves give me gifts for my created family and another friend, which I wouldn't have otherwise. The $90 in tips is groceries and gas money that doesn't have to come out of the checking account.

To sweeten things even more, they are letting me come back tomorrow. Again, for tips only, and I can also sell gift certificates. The gift certificate money will go straight into the business account, the tips into my pocket. I might be able to make a couple hundred bucks tomorrow. If I gain a couple clients out of the deal, even better. I know I got at least two out of tonight, possibly more.

Win-win. I get cash and clients, the gal and her associates get free massage after long days on their feet. I may even get paid massages out of them as well.

This gives me hope. Now I need to thank ahead for what I'm about to receive tomorrow and in the future.

Gobble gobble

Or in my case, moo. Yes, I did make the roast, along with roasted sweet and regular potatoes and brown rice bread dressing. Strange, just like I am.

Between watching TV, working on the afghan and tending the food, I've been thinking about what I'm grateful and thankful for this Thanksgiving day. Here's some of the list:
-I'm still alive, with all parts of me attached and functioning
-Raini and Shadow are still alive
-We still have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies
-I'm still more than capable of working for a living
-I have friends that care, even if they can't do much to help me right now
-I do have things cooking with the copywriting that will earn me some money once I've gotten through the course
-I still have hope that something will work out

Not much of a list right now, but it's all I've got. We'll see where I'm at come Christmas.

Hope you all had a good day, and enjoy your time off. If you enjoy your retail therapy, go for it tomorrow. I am more than happy to stay home and out of the crowds.

Cleaning, again

More sorting and shredding. I have the last two boxes sorted into the main file boxes, so that's done. More to shred and haul out to recycling.

While I was going through the boxes, I found holiday cards from 2002-03 and work related notes from a former friend. That stirred up a hornet's nest of memories. Things best out to the recycle bin with my blessings to move on.

As I was washing dishes, several things ran through my head to write about him. At this point, what's done is done. All I can do is change my current reaction to the perceived events of the time.

In sorting, I found some recipes for gnocchi, which can be a potato pasta, made from either regular or sweet potatoes. I also found a recipe for squash gnocchi as well, and ricotta cheese. Yum. Perhaps I will make some from the extra mashed potatoes I'm going to make tomorrow. Mashed with butter and loads of raw onions, sweet baked and mashed. And lefse, if I'm up to it.

The meat? I'm debating back and forth if I should pull a roast out of the freezer and do that, or if I should go spend the money on a turkey breast. If I really want poultry, I could thaw out the chicken drummies I got on Monday in my Fare for All pack.

And even if I don't do turkey, I could still do the dressing. I think. I don't remember Mom's recipe off the top of my head. I did find, in one of the old Sons of Norway cookbooks I have, a recipe similar to what Mom used to do, just sub apples and celery for the other aromatics they used.

Can I say that at this time of the year, it really sucks to be gluten and corn intolerant? I could just wuss out, do the bread thing and pay for the pain later. Take lots of digestive enzymes and arnica between meals and on Friday to deal with the resulting inflammation.

And truth be told, if I set foot outside this place right now, I'll spend money I can't afford to spend. Use what I have on hand, crack open a bottle of wine, and get through the desperation and deprivation in a haze.

Yes, Raini is doing better. Back to eating and drinking on her own without me prompting her with a needle in her back.

Sorry I'm a bit crabby. Hormones are to blame. I suspect I will be very glad when menopause comes - hot flashes to keep me warm and no more cramps to deal with.

Cleaning, continued

Got back into cleaning today. Put my bookshelf back together, then started sorting a couple of baskets and a box of stuff into the proper file boxes. I've got two smaller file boxes to sort through, get those done tomorrow, along with more shredding.

The rest of my copywriting kit showed up yesterday afternoon. They sent me the first part that I already have, as well as the second part. Oh well, put that part into another binder for later use.

As I sorted and put away today, I was listening to the CD's that came with the feng shui kit. I heard for the second or third time to document the changes I make so I can see how long it takes for them to start working. I printed off the transformation diary I'd scanned in, so I went back through here to note when I did what.

Changes can take a multiple of 9 to kick in: 9 hours, days, weeks, months, even years. I'm hoping the changes have been enough to get things to move in 9 days. Not sure I can wait 9 weeks.

Things I've done, besides cleaning here in the office, include putting up a crystal between my stove and sink so the fire and water don't clash in my kitchen (mental note about that for when I build my house). I tossed the boxes that my stand mixer came in that have been sitting in my doorway for almost a year. Multiple trips to the dumpster and recycling bins.

After I finish up in here, I'll tackle the dining room table next. That's my next biggest stockpile of statements, receipts, etc. Get that cleared off, go through my fabric to see if I have anything to make placemats out of. Perhaps, if I permanently set my table for eating only, I won't be so likely to put other stuff on it.

Then, when I get the desk in the living room cleaned off, I can make that my bill paying area. I'll have to check the direction, that may not work. Lots to consider after I clean that off and out. Maybe I'll put it on Craig's List or Freecycle and get rid of it. Keep only what I need.

New moon tomorrow. Good time for manifesting and making my desires known. This is what I want, Universe.

Musings

Had a bit of another aha this morning. The universe has probably arranged for me to not be working so I can spend time with Raini before she goes. The thought came up when I heard her throw up for the third time in two hours this morning. I got up, put my sweats on and plugged her in. She didn't struggle, as if she understood she needed the fluids to keep going. I'll give her the last of the bag later, just to make sure.

It's a different way of looking at my current circumstances. Doesn't put any money in the checking account. It does take a bit of the pressure off, that there's another reason for this time.

Went to the vet to pay off a bill from the last time we were in. They didn't fight me on getting another bag of lactated ringer for her. They understood my reluctance to bring her in if I could avoid it, as I'm one of many of their clients that is now out of work.

From there, went up to Fare for All, picked up the regular pack and a few extras. I almost started crying as I walked out of there, because it was the deprivation, the sheer feeling of lack overwhelmed me. A chunk of it was my own, some of it was the families around me coming in. Thankfully the place is open every Monday, so other than milk and bananas, I'll probably do most of my grocery shopping there.

From there, went to Walmart, got the yarn and a few other groceries. Stopped at the bank to deposit a check I found while cleaning from 5 years ago. I had loaned some friends some money so they wouldn't lose their house, and they gave me an undated check for $100. The account was still open, so I cashed it.

I'm slowly coming to realize my fear of lack is what is bringing more of it into my life. So I turned the lamp back on in my wealth corner. I am changing my attitude and facing my fear. Someone at some company out there needs my skills and wants to put me to work. I just need to attract them into my life.

Cleaning continues at a slower pace. The worst of the head and chest congestion are done. Whether they will flare or not when I move to the next area is debatable, see what happens.

I think I will spend the rest of the day putting the afghan together. The squares are now finished, just need to crochet them together and put the edging on. I'll post a pix when it's completed.

Class revelations

Today was the last of the Coaching for Resiliency classes. A couple good things came out of it.

One was the issues of the word 'or'. Used in the wrong context, 'or' sets up a double bind under the 'either or'. I can do this or that is a phrase we're used to using. What we unwittingly do in trying to honor the underlying value is delete the thing we choose not to do in this moment.

Huh? Example: I can go to a movie with friends or I can stay home to clean house. Both have an underlying value of taking care of myself. The most likely scenario that will happen is that I go to the movie, then come home and don't clean. The cleaning gets deleted.

What causes the not chosen option to get deleted and not done? 'Or' sets up a deprivation or scarcity issue, that in having one or the other, I can't have both. In the moment of choice, that is true, I can only do one at a time. That means I can only have one, there are no other options.

'Or' also freezes time, stagnates it. If used with addiction, that could be a good thing. Today you can choose to use or not. It's only for today, which does not negate the previous choices you made or the choices you could make tomorrow.

How to get around this? 'And'. 'And' leaves the other choice on the table to be done at a later time. I can do this and or I could do that, and or I could do blah. Whatever I choose to honor and do in that moment leaves the other choices out there to be honored in a different moment.

Pat came to realize this when she took her son to the toy store. She gave him a limit of $5, then tried to pull an either or on him. He, being the wise kid he is, said no, you gave me a dollar limit, not an either or. He recognized the deprivation and did not want to lose the option of getting the other toy at a different time.

You get around this by setting parameters that are inclusive and name the value you are honoring. If you give the child $5 to buy a toy of their choice, they can choose which toy they want now, or if they are wise to the idea of saving, they can save the $5 for next time and get a toy that's $10, which gives them even more options.

'And' opens time, it's positive, in motion. I can do this and I can do that. I can do both of them, which do I chose to honor in this moment.

If your head is spinning over this short review, think about talking about it in depth for 40 minutes. For me it's quite the aha, that 'or' is a deprivation and how a lot of procrastination is set up. If I can do this or that, not making a decision because either way I'm going to be deprived of the other deprives me of both. Hello! A couple of us looked at each other and went, well that explains a lot.

The other thing Pat encouraged us to do was think of coaching as a brainstorming session. The client shows up with a willingness and openness to change. I show up with all my tools, my curiousness and a sense of humor. We work to co-create their new way of being. I throw out ideas, have you thought about looking at it this way, and what I do either works or doesn't and I try something else.

That takes the pressure and the performance anxiety right out of the equation. I didn't break them, so I don't have to fix them. Makes a world of difference.
---
Raini is hanging in there. I tried to get her plugged in to fluids this morning, didn't go over so well. Try it again later. At least she's eating and working it through her system.

Tomorrow I'm heading to Fare for All to pick up some groceries, see what they have for Thanksgiving. I haven't been officially invited anywhere, so I'm planning on making my own. I've got a couple boxes of the brown rice version of Bisquick, so I'll use that to make bread for stuffing. If I don't get a turkey from Fare for All, I'll either get an overly large chicken or a small turkey, thaw it out, brine it up and roast it. Day after boil the bones for stock. Make mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, see if I can remember how to make lefse. Do what I can with what I get.
Then I have to run up to Walmart to get two more skeins of Ocean to finish off the afghan, be done with that.

Otherwise, I've picked up the knitting needles again. Three decades ago I knew how to knit and purl, could not for the life of me remember how to cast on. Had two glasses of red wine with supper last night so I was a bit buzzed, then I figured it out. Just had to not be in my right mind. Or my left.

Raini is sitting on the desk looking at me, like, 'Mom, you were gone all day and now you're sitting at the stupid computer AGAIN not paying attention to ME.'

Suppose I better go pay attention to my oldest while I still have her.

Day 8 - be careful what you wish for

As those of you who have cats know, at times it can be near impossible to type with a cat on the keyboard or in your lap. Didn't think a four pound cat could cause such chaos.

Chaos seems to be the word lately. Yes, I intentionally set it off. Now it has a life of its own.

I know that cleaning and re-arranging as I have has stirred up stuff in my body, in essence a healing crisis. I've changed the energy in my space, so the energy in my body is responding. The head and chest congestion continue, causing me to cancel my platelet donation I had scheduled for today. To add to the body issues, my feet are pulling up different sensations. Not pain, but sensations I normally do not feel.

Think about it. I have changed the foundations of my life by cleaning and re-arranging my office. Not only that, I put up the activation cards in my office and bedroom. No wonder my feet feel different, as my feet are my body's foundations. I notice the sensations when I'm sitting or in bed, not when I'm actually on my feet.

I love my shredder. It's gone through two full contractors bag, which did go out this morning, started on a third. I shred till it gets hot or decides it's done for a while, let it cool off and come right back to it. Been shredding on commercials between my shows.

As for the oldest furry kid, I did get another 100 cc into her last night. She walked away, came back an hour later and was not squishy. She absorbed that entire 100 cc in an hour, that's how dehydrated she was. I'll poke her again today, get more into her just to be safe. She did eat, so that's a good sign. Otherwise, klingon kitty.

Shad has gotten better. I rattled her cage Thursday night, and that seems to have gotten through her rather thick skull. She's left Raini's food alone, even let Rain eat her soft food this morning without issue. I hugged her and told her thank you for letting Rain eat without a fuss. Ignoring her most of yesterday may have helped as well.

The checkbook is starting to get scary. I'm not behind on anything, yet, every bill is current. Between what I have in cash, savings and checking, I can probably make it to the first of the year without dipping into the farm checkbook. After that, I don't know.

At times, I'm finding it hard to find a positive thought, to know in my heart the universe doesn't hand me anything I can't handle. If I can come out alive out of the crappy childhood I had, I can survive anything. I am resilient. If I lose everything and have to start over again, well, then I have to start over again.

I don't think it will come to that. Something good will happen to keep me working, keep my head above the financial waterline. I just need to find a way to make that thought resonate throughout my body so the universe knows I mean it.

Day 7

Sort and shred, shred and sort. That was my day yesterday.

And keeping an eye on Raini. She didn't eat much yesterday. This morning she vomited twice, so I grabbed the sub-Q fluid, heated it up and plugged it in her. Not real happy with how many times I had to poke her to get some fluid into her, but we finally got it flowing. I'll give her more later today. See if we can stretch this out to Monday before I have to take her into the vet, or if I can avoid that trip.

Otherwise, I took the time this morning to create the activation cards in Word. The kit comes with a set of 5x7" index cards with the symbols for the eight directions on them. I know how I work, so I took time to scan them while I had access to a copier that could scan them in. I then cut out the symbols in Photoshop Elements, saved them as JPEG and plugged them into Word. Printed them off so I have two sets for my best directions. Now I just need to write my goals/intentions on them and put them up on the walls in my office and bedroom.

By having them in a Word doc, I can print them out for others as needed, or when mine need updating. The cards are not offered for refills like some of the other items are, hence why I created my own.

I've had the kit since June. I think part of why I haven't done much with it until now is that in some ways I'm scared of success. I'm used to being a failure in other people's eyes, and my own. Success, not so much. When I put the cards up, that means I'm ready to succeed. I suspect parts of me are going to fight and sabotage to make the success not happen. They will be re-assigned as needed.

See if I can pull in some of the money I'm owed, create some opportunities for myself. Anything is possible.

The rest of my copywriting class is on it's way. I ordered it Wednesday, it shipped yesterday. Time to make that happen.

Day 6

And on the sixth day I rested.

In other words, I shredded a bit yesterday, read some fan fiction, watched TV and worked on my copywriting assignments. And worried a bit about Raini.

Rain has taken to napping in the office a lot. She either goes behind the chair by the file cabinet or between the closet and angled cabinet. Cats have a knack for finding areas of flow, then bask in it. Since I turned this room upside down, she's been in here, not in her crate, while she naps. I found several pieces of polar fleece and other fabrics I have around, so I'll wash them up and put them in the areas where she naps so she's not right on the floor and a bit protected for her old bones.

Shad, on the other hand, is continuing her diva bitchiness. There are days when I wish I had not brought her home, and yesterday was one of them. She's frustrated and pissed off that Raini gets more canned food than she does. Part of it is economics right now, part is her attitude that she's queen of the house. Don't think so. No, I won't give her up to a shelter. These two have been together 17 years, to separate them now would probably kill both of them.

I'm going to make time today to write and put up the activation cards in my bedroom and office. Did the energetic cleaning last night and again this morning. Called in archangels Michael and Raphael to help me clean house and deal with what's going on in my body.
Then it's sorting and shredding, putting the books back on my bookcase, re-organizing the shelving where my printer, fax machine and paper are on. Oh, and find the eucalyptus oil I've got around here somewhere, see if that helps the head and chest congestion. And prep for a liver cleanse tomorrow night.

Day 5

Well, making progress. Made a trip to ARC to drop off three bags of stuff and the office chair I've had since the early 90's. While I was out, I stopped at the bank and got a certified check to pay off the association, got a few groceries and the cables I needed.

There's actually open space on the floor in here now. I'm not done with the physical cleaning yet, got a whole lot more to sort, shred and recycle, put away, etc. The computer is up and running, the printer is connected to the router so I can print.

Now I need to shift the energy in here. Clear out the old energy on the etheric, emotional and spiritual level. Clear out all of my old stuff, clear the people who lived here previously. Make the space mine.

I may even name the room. Name it is to claim it. Funny that I can name my truck Taezen and my motorcycle Chael, yet I have never named the space I spend most of my life in. Bountiful? Abundance, abundancy? What do I want to give metaphorical birth to? Have to contemplate that one for a while.

Day 4

Here's proof of what I got done yesterday.


Why are things at angles? Well, as stated previously, the building is not built on a true north/south vector. In order for me to be at the correct directions, things are angled. The desk faces magnetic south, the recliner magnetic east. In angling those two items, everything else loses space to make up for the angles.

Now the question becomes, what do I do with the stuff that no longer fits in here? An older computer chair I've had since the early 90's is going to ARC, along with three more bags of stuff. Older computer stuff I'm taking to the electronics recycling center up at the county transfer station.

Then there's my old G4 tower and CRT monitor. Last time I turned it on, it still works just fine. It has OS 9 something on it, question is, can I upgrade it to X or not? If not, then I need to wipe it, several times, before turning it in for recycling, or take out the hard drive and physically destroy it. Perhaps a call or trip to First Tech would be a wise idea. A trip might be good, take the Powerbook with me to see if it can be fixed or if that too needs to be recycled.

The cleaning is messing with me, both energetically and physically. I've vacuumed as I've moved stuff, been using the disposable dusters to clean things as I go, even got the air cleaner/ionizer going full tilt. Nose is running, lungs are congested, I feel like crap. Nothing like purging old, stuck stale energy out of the space and myself.
I'll do some energetic clearing today. Get the old stuff moving out now, then re-set things again when I'm done for this room. Set up the feng shui enhancements, get things moving again.

And just know that I intentionally caused chaos in order to restore the good energy flow.

Day 3?

Ok, brain is a bit disjointed. I have moved a lot of stuff around, and the back is complaining. Thankfully, the majority of the moving is done. I need to vacuum a bit more, move the recliner over, and the office is pretty much done. Still stuff to sort and put away, as well as getting a longer Ethernet cable to hook up to the printer. Crap, that means I have to hook the router up. One more cord to add to the back of the desk.

Here's what it looked like before I started moving this morning.


What you're not seeing is more shredding. Filled up one contractor's garbage bag, started another. I've got two more file boxes to go through and shred. I'm about finished with the junk from my Traveling Vineyard days. Most of that stuff had credit card numbers on it, so I had to shred it. Get up early Thursday morning to haul those bags out right before the garbage truck shows up, so no one can walk away with them.

The poor felines are so confused. They aren't quite sure what Mom is doing, other than messing with their space. They will live. Hopefully I will survive this as well.

I'll be glad when I'm done as well. All the dust is getting to me. I've got my air cleaner on, and I've been opening the window when I get hot to get some fresh 30 degree air in. The nose and lungs will be glad when this cleaning frenzy is over. The rest of the body will as well.

Now that I've got the cables hooked back up correctly and I'm back on the net, I suppose I better get back to work. More tomorrow.

Day 2...

OK, didn't get much done yesterday. Did some shredding of checks from a business I used to own. Still, it's something. I kind of figured out how to move all this stuff around. The books will have to go out into the dining room, the chair gets moved over, as does the book shelf.

Then the cabinet gets cleared off and cleaned out - that's been storage for media and cables/cords of all sorts. The cabinet gets moved down by the closet, leaving room for the closet doors to open. The desk gets cleaned off and moved over, set up the desk along with all the cords, etc. Then the chair can move into the corner where the desk was. I expect that's as far as I will get today.

Meanwhile, I need some feedback on the afghan I'm making. Here are a couple shots of the 40 blocks I have made right now, laid out on my queen size bed.



So, do you think it's big enough? It doesn't quite cover the bed, which my afghans usually do. I've tinkered with the idea of adding a border of the blue using the same stitch combo as made the blocks, just to do something different. If I keep it as is, I need to make 8 more blocks, which I can probably put together with the yarn I have on hand. I'll need more to stitch it together and do the edging.

For those of you who do crochet, the yarn colors are Red Heart Aran and Ocean in the super size skeins. Takes me about an hour to do a block, not including tucking in the ends. Now, do I put it together with the aran or the ocean? I was thinking the ocean, just to be different. Make the aran the accent color, not the background, which is what aran or sandytones is usually used for.
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In other news... I gained 3.5 pounds in the last month. I highly doubt that weight gain is muscle. Looks and feels like I need to do an unconscious clearing to change what's causing me to not want to drop the weight.

Day 1

It may not look like I got much done, according to these photos. What you aren't seeing is multiple trips to the garbage and recycling bins, an hour spent shredding old items from my high school and college days, and four loads of laundry done.

The closet now has both massage tables in it, along with 10 boxes of my book, and a few other things. I've decided my desk will back into the corner where the corner cabinet is right now so that it faces magnetic south. That allows me to have a wall at my back, face the door and be in a good direction for me. The recliner will go in the corner where my desk is now to face east.

Where everything else will go will shake out as I move things around.

I am going to allow myself one more purchase. I have wanted, for a very long time, a set of matching maple tray tables. I'll use one as a table next to my recliner for my CD player, notebook, water mug, etc. Two will go in my bedroom as matching bedside tables. The other will float around as needed.

Here goes

So, my dear friends, it's time to clean house. I made the decision this morning that I am going to clean house and keep cleaning until one of my temp agencies finds me something to do.

I'm starting in the office, as I've been threatening to do for a while. With that in mind, here are the 'before' photos. Granted, they were taken in July, not much has changed since then.


Yes, it's a mess. I spent some time reading through my Diamond Feng Shui book last night, so I'm trying to figure out where to put my desk so I face one of my success directions, where to move my recliner to so when I meditate I'm facing a good direction, etc.

Doesn't help matters any that the whole f@#$%^& building is at odd angles to magnetic north. Builders who no nothing of feng shui... bah.

Well, time to start. Go rescue my clothes out of the washer and dryer and start planning and moving. I'll post daily updates so you can see my progress.

Oww...

I like Dr. R, and sometimes he's a pain. In this case, literally.

There are lots of things going on that are influencing what's going on in my body, above what I'm doing to it and putting into it. The grand cosmic scale of things changing is tweaking what's going on in my head and hence my body.

Me being so tired is a result of the exercising I'm doing releasing toxins back into my body. The brain fog is part of that, so he recommended SAM-e to help with that. I probably better do a liver cleanse as well here, soon, along with hitting Present Moment for the kidney cleanse herbs as well. Get the liver functioning better, clean out the gut, clean out the kidneys, the whole system works better.

Body is also inflamed again. Partially due to the wheat I've been consuming, part due to the exercising. I brought in a bottle of Intenzyme Forte to Dr. R, it tests very strong for me, so I had the office order me a 500 count bottle. I also stopped and got 2-100 count bottles from my dentist while I was out, cause I need to take 6 a day - three with meals, three on an empty stomach along with the homeopathic Arnica to take out the inflammation.

The inflammation is what's causing the pain, along with really tight hamstrings and hips. My body is shifting out of the homeostasis it's been in, doesn't know what to do. Patience and awareness, being kind to myself, staying away from the foods that hurt me.

That said... I was so hungry last night on the way home I stopped at Taco Bell and got a chalupa/hard shell combo. Wheat and corn together. Surprisingly, I'm not near as painful as I thought I would be. One is probably masking the other.

While I was running through Whole Foods to get supplements and a few groceries, I was looking at natural or organic based moisturizers. I'm about out of hand/body lotion, and I need something different for my face. Found something that will work for the body, no joy on face. Keep looking. Time to keep the chemicals off and out of the body.

Got an interesting surprise yesterday morning. One of the gals in the office brought me a thank you card. The entire group in the row I was in signed it. Also in there were two $10 gift checks.
That's the first time I've gotten a thank you card for being a temp.

'Nother day

Another day, another dollar.

Or in this case, several hundreds of dollars. Finally got my federal refund and my econ stim checks yesterday, so I put them in the bank today. They are enough to cover what I owe the association with some extra, so I'm OK on that one. Whew.

Other than that, waiting for the temp agencies to come up with something for me to do next week.

I'm taking Thursday and Friday for myself. I'm tired, have been for the last week. I'm chalking it up to toxins coming out of my fat cells and acting up in my body. I see Dr. R Thursday morning. Have him do the electronic stim on my hamstrings so I can actually bend over and touch the floor, get some other muscles loosened up.

I'm also re-arranging the office. I need to plan out where to move the desk to, how to shuffle things around inside this 11 x 14 room. Gonna be interesting.

Talked to HR today. Main reason I didn't get the job? They were afraid of my business, that I would put too much time into that and not into my work.
It's like they need to see that when I'm at work I give 110% to what I'm doing. I do my business on MY time. The only time I left work early at the last job for my business was when I took a half day off to go teach Quantum Touch in a location that was an almost 5 hour drive away. Grr.

Pulled out my Archangel card deck last night. I intended to pull three, came out with four. All of them were about intentions, setting them, letting them go. One had to do with moon cycles, which given that it's a full moon tomorrow night into Thursday, is appropriate.

I need to clearly write out my intentions, what I'm grateful for, and start repeating it day and night. Right now I'm only doing it before I go to bed. Gotta step things up if I want to get off the temp merry-go-round.

Intuitives and Law of Attraction

Went to the Edge Life Expo today. Sat in on one lecture that had some resonance for me. Not sure I'm ready to go there yet.

After the lecture, walked around the hall. Picked up flyers and stuff for my copywriting swipe file and to later go back and offer some ideas to people to make their stuff more interesting.

I only bought one thing - a package of Palo Santo wood. It's a gorgeous smelling wood that's used for clearing space, like sage is for smudging. Palo Santo smells better to me than sage. I'm thinking it might be good as a perfume scent. Might have to play with a piece or two, try pulling out the aromatics with alcohol or oil.
And I can use it for it's original purpose - to clear out the old, stale energy around my home and get things moving again.

As I was swiping, I came across the animal intuitive I talked to last spring about Raini and Shad. I sat down with her for 15 minutes and asked how the furballs were doing. She cleared some stuff from Raini, told me to keep her hydrated as she starts moving on.
Asked why Shad is doing her howling. The howling comes from her heart-felt frustration at both me and herself. She's a diva, so she thinks she should come first, yet she knows Raini isn't good, loves her, and still doesn't quite understand why Rain gets more attention. Now that I know it's out of frustration with both herself and the situation, I can be a little more compassionate. I need to reach out to her with my heart energy.

I asked the intuitive if losing my job had any impact on them. No, they were happy to see me get out of there. She confirmed I had done all I could, time to move on. She picked up that I'm still dealing with beliefs that I only need enough to get by on, that I don't deserve $100k or better a year. I don't remember her exact words, just the gist that I'm just as worthy of making $100k as anyone else who is.
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Now, contrast that to what happened yesterday morning. As soon as the senior engineer came in, he pulled up a chair to talk to me about the position. He asked me if I had heard anything, I told him that when I hadn't heard by Wednesday, I presumed I hadn't gotten it. HR said they would take care of it and didn't. He was not happy to hear that.
He told me he'd already given HR a recommendation for me, that the department thought I had gone above and beyond what was needed. Huh.
I told him that I was leaving the position in a better place than when I had gotten it, that I had loaded stuff on the jump drive that was in the desk. I told him where I would leave it and what would be with it. He was impressed that I'd pulled that together.

Later on, a couple of people in the row where I've been sitting told me they've already sent on recommendations for me to HR. They were amazed at what I could do and how fast I got stuff done when asked. All I did was my job. If it amazed them what I could do, that leaves me wondering about how good the last admin was.

As I was listening to the senior engineer and one of his staff, the staff guy brought up that he is getting his daughter the Livescribe note taking system. First person I thought about when I looked it up on Target's ad was P. It's a way to take notes and record them. I'm not about to try and describe the way cool technology, just go take a look at it. Perfect for college kids, perfect for those who are auditory learners so you can take a few notes and listen to what was actually said later, perfect for reporters who need to be accurate in their reporting. A Bond gadget with real life application.
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Got a call from a former associate. We used to both be in Smart Travel and Traveling Vineyard several years ago. She now runs her own jewelry line, travels all over the US doing shows. She called to ask if I was interested in doing chair massage at a sale she's having the day after Thanksgiving. She's calling it a girl's night out, profits go to a local women's shelter.

She doesn't want me to charge, but I can set out a tip jar. Or what I may counter propose to her, is that I do charge for the massages and donate what I make. Done that before. Then I can hand out my cards and brochures, ask for the sale, see what happens. Oh, gift certificates would be a great idea.

Here's the funny thing about gift certificates. Out of all the gift certificates I've sold or donated over the years, only one has ever been called in. And I ended up getting a paid one out of that as well. Charge $40 for a half hour, $75 for an hour, see how many I can sell.
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Now, if I can just figure out what the part of me is doing when I buy food that I know causes me physical issues, then gobble it down, live through the pain, then do it again, I'll be one step ahead of the game.
Did it last night, did it again today. I'm not sure where in the decision loop, in the TOTE model I'm missing the "I know this is bad for my body, I know I'm going to be in pain after I eat it, do not buy this" to buying it and then consuming it, and now paying with pain for doing it.

I know that wheat makes my joints hurt something fierce, and that Reeces peanut butter cups also compound that pain along with inflaming the neck lymph nodes. I know I get a sugar spike/crash that sends me into an unexpected snooze. And I know both of them are in direct conflict with my desire to let go of the excess weight. Yet I still do it.

Parts issue. What values do eating those foods serve? What comes to mind is hiding food from mom when I was little. It was a way to get attention from her, when she found out, because otherwise she didn't have time for me. Rebellion, trying to become an individual, trying to be different from them.

If I remember correctly, a visual squash would be called for right about now.

I wonder if my procrastination has anything to do with the parents? Stuff to meditate on in the morning.