Weather woes

Ugh, I am not fond of bad weather, and we are in the middle of ongoing severe weather. It started this afternoon and we have warnings going for at least another two hours tonight. There have already been several tornados on the ground, along with lots of straight line winds.

This line is moving at 55 mph, so it's moving out quickly. Still, it's enough to rattle me.

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Changes in supplements may not be helping me. I sat down with Bristlecone on Thursday to go over my test results. The results were not good. My hormones are seriously out of whack - estrogen is really high, putting me at risk of ovarian cancer. My cortisol is low, which means my adrenal glands are in exhaustion, which could move to burnout and a very shortened life. My thyroid is putting out reverse T3, so I'm not able to use the T4 I'm putting out. I'm also low in bone marrow iron.

All together, I'm adding about ten more supplements to the ten or so already on my list. Things like ferrochel iron, vitamin C, and betaine HCL for the iron shortage; raw thyroid and GTA to balance thyroid; Isocort to supplement the cortisol; progesterone cream to balance the estrogen overload; flaxseed oil caps and high EPA fish oil to boost Omega-3 levels and help take down the inflammation and reduce the risk of heart disease. They may also want me to add metformin to help keep the glucose levels down. I can do that through diet and more exercise.

I had to create a schedule of what to take when. It's a complex schedule, with different things at six different times of the day. Throw in the progesterone cream twice a day on days 12 to the end of my cycle and... ugh. Short term chaos to provide long term gains. Get things straightened out now so I can have a long life. Be around to spoil 'my' kid's grandkids.

Gaining (losing?) ground

I just realized, after doing some formulas in my weight loss tracking spreadsheet, that I have let go of 26.8 pounds of weight since February when I started tracking.

That is just under 10% of my starting weight I've let go. It's almost all fat - my muscle mass has fluxed about a pound either side of 90 pounds the whole time. If I can keep this muscle mass as I continue to let go of the fat, I'll be right where I want to be when I'm at my goal weight of 175 - and I may be able to go higher than that.

I tweaked my spreadsheet because of something Dr. Rory said Friday night. He asked me if I'd really thought about about what my weight loss means to me, how it really impacts me. When he asked me, I hadn't thought about it. What does letting go of the weight mean to me?

Letting go of the past. Letting go of the toxins that have been stuffed in my body, mentally, physically and emotionally. Letting go of the things I've let hold me back in the past.

What am I gaining? My physical health. I'm physically stronger, have more endurance and cardiovascular health. My acne is pretty much gone. I'm more interested in being active, in trying new things, or in the case of martial arts, going back to something I've been interested in for a long time. I'm also gaining some confidence as well.

Long term, what does that mean for me? As I continue to let go of the fat and gain strength and confidence, almost anything is possible. I re-gain some control over my life, even if it's just an illusion. An illusion can be as real as I want it to be.

One of my first goals on letting the fat go was to hit 250. That is easily within sight now, just a couple of weeks away. I'm better understanding what I need to do to let go of the body fat. Part of it has been following what Bristolcone set up for eating patterns and food. Another part is learning more about the Primal/paleo lifestyle, which is based on the work of Gary Taubes' Good Calories, Bad Calories. (High protien and high fat, low carb diet like our primitive ancestors ate.)

The next part is to get back to more primal exercise. I've been reading Mark's Daily Apple, the website tied to The Primal Blueprint. The more I read, the more it makes sense to me. The food choices are right in line with what I'm doing through Bristolcone. The exercises get back to the basics, like bodyweight exercise (squats, lunges, pull-ups, push-ups, jumping jacks). So, time for me to do the same.

I've taken the last two weeks off from lifting. One of the last self defense classes left me with bruised knees, so I took the week off to heal. Then I took another week off to see if I could let go of weight without doing any exercise. Didn't let go of any weight the first week, did the second. Now to add in the bodyweight exercises and see what happens.

Listen to my body. Eat when I'm hungry - truly hungry, drink when I'm dry, sprint when I feel like it, lift heavy when I want to, take a nice walk daily otherwise. This is something I can do for the rest of my life.

Now, my body is hungry, so I'm gonna go make some supper.

Well...

Don't quite know where to start. Actually, I do, just where to go with it.

Thursday morning the boy asked me to be a reference for him. He's fed up with the BS enough that if he doesn't get the answers he wants in the next month he's going to start looking for another job.

My heart crashed through the floor when he asked. I told him I don't want him to leave, and he answered that he doesn't want to leave, either. He's reached his limit - he's in the numb, doesn't care, yet the clarity is starting to come in. He's starting to wake up and realize there is so much more to this world.

Professionally, I don't want him to leave. He's still got way more to contribute, not only to the SCCM team but to licensing and ITAM as well. He's been through this before at other companies he's worked for, and he's got a lot of good ideas on where to take things. He's even willing to take a couple days to write a couple scripts for me so I can take care of putting people into and out of the uninstall collections.

I also know he has my back. He's helped me deal with the idiots we're working with, and the jokes about what to do with all the dead bodies we plan on leaving behind has been good stress relief.

Personally... beyond the broken heart and not being able to see him on a regular basis, I'd miss our chats. Motorcycles, the idiots we work with, martial arts, his kids and grandson, his sarcasm and wit. His gorgeous body and face (hey, I'm human, deal!)

I asked him what he wants, how does he want the situation to turn out? At that point he wasn't real sure. I'll keep poking him on that until he does get a clear picture, so then I can focus on it as well.

For now, I'll send him my info so he has it for references. I'll also be asking the universe for an outcome where I get to keep him in my life and he's happy with whatever outcome happens.
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For some people, this is a three day weekend, given it's the Fourth of July tomorrow. For me, I gotta work. However, I've taken some steps to start being able to comfortably work at home. I hit MicroCenter this morning to buy two-20" monitors and some other goodies to set up my work desk here at home. Now I need to go clean off said desk, set up the monitors, dock, keyboard and other stuff so I can actually get some work done.

I've got a boatload of stuff I need to do. Most days last week I was almost constantly being interrupted by people coming to my desk, phone calls, IM's, one crisis after another. Put one fire out, another flares up. I've got some stuff I need to have done by Tuesday night, but several other things have to be done before I can compile that data. Set up the desk tonight, maybe put in a few hours. I may work all day tomorrow and part of Monday, see how much I can get done.

If I get a lot done, one of the things I may do when I get hired is ask for the ability to work from home at least one day every other week, maybe even every week. Be available by IM only, if you call me it damn well better be an emergency that only I can deal with.
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Otherwise... Chael is home and running very well. It's a relief to not have to worry about the chain and sprockets. The new Iso grips are helping. Not so much of the vibration comes through to my hands. Now I just need to get the throttle lock put on so I can rest my right hand once in a while.