Yeah...

Well, yesterday turned out not near as good as I had hoped. Made about a third of what I did Friday night. What work I did do helped alleviate people's pain, so I did some good.

Finished picking out what I wanted in trade, so now it's to get those presents to the people they need to go to. I do believe the US Post Office will be making some deliveries on my behalf this year.

Other than that, work on the afghan continues. I now remember why I don't make afghans with small blocks - I am not fond of stitching them all together. It's a royal pain in the fingers as it takes at least an hour to do one row. I do believe I'll stick to bigger blocks, like I did for McK's afghan. Much easier.

Raini continues to nap in unusual places. Lately it's been in the passage to the bathroom, or by the heat registers in my office. She'll sleep with me at night, but won't meditate with me.

Shadow, now, is starting to get the shakes Raini gets. I'm wondering if it's a feline version of Parkinson's, or some type of tremor. Shad is just once in a while as she's on my lap. Raini will shake hard enough that if she's standing or sitting she'll fall over. If she's in my lap, not so bad. At least most of the house is carpeted, so it's not like she's landing on bare concrete and hurting herself worse.

While I was at the event yesterday, I got to talking to one of the gals that owns the company. She asked how my Thanksgiving was, and I told her I'd spent it alone. She immediately invited me over for their family's Christmas holiday.
We'll see where I'm at in 25 days. I would rather not get involved in another family's holiday dynamics. I hated the holidays as it was with my own family, what would cause me to want to get involved in someone elses? No thank you.

I also had the unfortunate luck to run into a former friend yesterday. I knew there was a chance she might show up, and she did. I kept it short and civil. Just as she was about to leave, she came back and said she had no idea why she might have landed on my former friends list, that I was more than welcome back in her life.

When I was friends with her, the running joke was that she was the Drama Queen of Denial. She has an unbelievably short memory, and one that doesn't remember her wrong doings. When you try to confront her with something that happened even just minuets ago, she denies it happened because she doesn't remember it. Her defense is that she lives in the now. She doesn't understand how that short memory has caused major problems in her life, from her daughter being abused by her son to her divorce to several friends like me walking away because we don't want to deal with her stuff.

With my long memory, I do remember what happened, what the blow up was about, and what caused me to walk away. I have no interest in getting back into that kind of drama, the daily fireworks, the woe is me, or the network marketing BS. I won't be going back to that. I'm not that desperate for friends to put up with that crap ever again.

Here's to hoping the feng shui starts kicking in tomorrow.

Some days

Some days you get lucky.

A couple weeks ago a gal I know that owns a jewelry line asked if I would come and do chair massage during their 'girl's night out' event tonight. Sure, why not. When I said yes, I figured I'd have a job by now, this would just be icing on the cake. We know how that went.

In 5 hours of doing chair massage, I made $90 in tips, plus jewelry or their other items in exchange for doing it for tips only. The jewelry and scarves give me gifts for my created family and another friend, which I wouldn't have otherwise. The $90 in tips is groceries and gas money that doesn't have to come out of the checking account.

To sweeten things even more, they are letting me come back tomorrow. Again, for tips only, and I can also sell gift certificates. The gift certificate money will go straight into the business account, the tips into my pocket. I might be able to make a couple hundred bucks tomorrow. If I gain a couple clients out of the deal, even better. I know I got at least two out of tonight, possibly more.

Win-win. I get cash and clients, the gal and her associates get free massage after long days on their feet. I may even get paid massages out of them as well.

This gives me hope. Now I need to thank ahead for what I'm about to receive tomorrow and in the future.

Gobble gobble

Or in my case, moo. Yes, I did make the roast, along with roasted sweet and regular potatoes and brown rice bread dressing. Strange, just like I am.

Between watching TV, working on the afghan and tending the food, I've been thinking about what I'm grateful and thankful for this Thanksgiving day. Here's some of the list:
-I'm still alive, with all parts of me attached and functioning
-Raini and Shadow are still alive
-We still have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies
-I'm still more than capable of working for a living
-I have friends that care, even if they can't do much to help me right now
-I do have things cooking with the copywriting that will earn me some money once I've gotten through the course
-I still have hope that something will work out

Not much of a list right now, but it's all I've got. We'll see where I'm at come Christmas.

Hope you all had a good day, and enjoy your time off. If you enjoy your retail therapy, go for it tomorrow. I am more than happy to stay home and out of the crowds.

Cleaning, again

More sorting and shredding. I have the last two boxes sorted into the main file boxes, so that's done. More to shred and haul out to recycling.

While I was going through the boxes, I found holiday cards from 2002-03 and work related notes from a former friend. That stirred up a hornet's nest of memories. Things best out to the recycle bin with my blessings to move on.

As I was washing dishes, several things ran through my head to write about him. At this point, what's done is done. All I can do is change my current reaction to the perceived events of the time.

In sorting, I found some recipes for gnocchi, which can be a potato pasta, made from either regular or sweet potatoes. I also found a recipe for squash gnocchi as well, and ricotta cheese. Yum. Perhaps I will make some from the extra mashed potatoes I'm going to make tomorrow. Mashed with butter and loads of raw onions, sweet baked and mashed. And lefse, if I'm up to it.

The meat? I'm debating back and forth if I should pull a roast out of the freezer and do that, or if I should go spend the money on a turkey breast. If I really want poultry, I could thaw out the chicken drummies I got on Monday in my Fare for All pack.

And even if I don't do turkey, I could still do the dressing. I think. I don't remember Mom's recipe off the top of my head. I did find, in one of the old Sons of Norway cookbooks I have, a recipe similar to what Mom used to do, just sub apples and celery for the other aromatics they used.

Can I say that at this time of the year, it really sucks to be gluten and corn intolerant? I could just wuss out, do the bread thing and pay for the pain later. Take lots of digestive enzymes and arnica between meals and on Friday to deal with the resulting inflammation.

And truth be told, if I set foot outside this place right now, I'll spend money I can't afford to spend. Use what I have on hand, crack open a bottle of wine, and get through the desperation and deprivation in a haze.

Yes, Raini is doing better. Back to eating and drinking on her own without me prompting her with a needle in her back.

Sorry I'm a bit crabby. Hormones are to blame. I suspect I will be very glad when menopause comes - hot flashes to keep me warm and no more cramps to deal with.

Cleaning, continued

Got back into cleaning today. Put my bookshelf back together, then started sorting a couple of baskets and a box of stuff into the proper file boxes. I've got two smaller file boxes to sort through, get those done tomorrow, along with more shredding.

The rest of my copywriting kit showed up yesterday afternoon. They sent me the first part that I already have, as well as the second part. Oh well, put that part into another binder for later use.

As I sorted and put away today, I was listening to the CD's that came with the feng shui kit. I heard for the second or third time to document the changes I make so I can see how long it takes for them to start working. I printed off the transformation diary I'd scanned in, so I went back through here to note when I did what.

Changes can take a multiple of 9 to kick in: 9 hours, days, weeks, months, even years. I'm hoping the changes have been enough to get things to move in 9 days. Not sure I can wait 9 weeks.

Things I've done, besides cleaning here in the office, include putting up a crystal between my stove and sink so the fire and water don't clash in my kitchen (mental note about that for when I build my house). I tossed the boxes that my stand mixer came in that have been sitting in my doorway for almost a year. Multiple trips to the dumpster and recycling bins.

After I finish up in here, I'll tackle the dining room table next. That's my next biggest stockpile of statements, receipts, etc. Get that cleared off, go through my fabric to see if I have anything to make placemats out of. Perhaps, if I permanently set my table for eating only, I won't be so likely to put other stuff on it.

Then, when I get the desk in the living room cleaned off, I can make that my bill paying area. I'll have to check the direction, that may not work. Lots to consider after I clean that off and out. Maybe I'll put it on Craig's List or Freecycle and get rid of it. Keep only what I need.

New moon tomorrow. Good time for manifesting and making my desires known. This is what I want, Universe.

Musings

Had a bit of another aha this morning. The universe has probably arranged for me to not be working so I can spend time with Raini before she goes. The thought came up when I heard her throw up for the third time in two hours this morning. I got up, put my sweats on and plugged her in. She didn't struggle, as if she understood she needed the fluids to keep going. I'll give her the last of the bag later, just to make sure.

It's a different way of looking at my current circumstances. Doesn't put any money in the checking account. It does take a bit of the pressure off, that there's another reason for this time.

Went to the vet to pay off a bill from the last time we were in. They didn't fight me on getting another bag of lactated ringer for her. They understood my reluctance to bring her in if I could avoid it, as I'm one of many of their clients that is now out of work.

From there, went up to Fare for All, picked up the regular pack and a few extras. I almost started crying as I walked out of there, because it was the deprivation, the sheer feeling of lack overwhelmed me. A chunk of it was my own, some of it was the families around me coming in. Thankfully the place is open every Monday, so other than milk and bananas, I'll probably do most of my grocery shopping there.

From there, went to Walmart, got the yarn and a few other groceries. Stopped at the bank to deposit a check I found while cleaning from 5 years ago. I had loaned some friends some money so they wouldn't lose their house, and they gave me an undated check for $100. The account was still open, so I cashed it.

I'm slowly coming to realize my fear of lack is what is bringing more of it into my life. So I turned the lamp back on in my wealth corner. I am changing my attitude and facing my fear. Someone at some company out there needs my skills and wants to put me to work. I just need to attract them into my life.

Cleaning continues at a slower pace. The worst of the head and chest congestion are done. Whether they will flare or not when I move to the next area is debatable, see what happens.

I think I will spend the rest of the day putting the afghan together. The squares are now finished, just need to crochet them together and put the edging on. I'll post a pix when it's completed.

Class revelations

Today was the last of the Coaching for Resiliency classes. A couple good things came out of it.

One was the issues of the word 'or'. Used in the wrong context, 'or' sets up a double bind under the 'either or'. I can do this or that is a phrase we're used to using. What we unwittingly do in trying to honor the underlying value is delete the thing we choose not to do in this moment.

Huh? Example: I can go to a movie with friends or I can stay home to clean house. Both have an underlying value of taking care of myself. The most likely scenario that will happen is that I go to the movie, then come home and don't clean. The cleaning gets deleted.

What causes the not chosen option to get deleted and not done? 'Or' sets up a deprivation or scarcity issue, that in having one or the other, I can't have both. In the moment of choice, that is true, I can only do one at a time. That means I can only have one, there are no other options.

'Or' also freezes time, stagnates it. If used with addiction, that could be a good thing. Today you can choose to use or not. It's only for today, which does not negate the previous choices you made or the choices you could make tomorrow.

How to get around this? 'And'. 'And' leaves the other choice on the table to be done at a later time. I can do this and or I could do that, and or I could do blah. Whatever I choose to honor and do in that moment leaves the other choices out there to be honored in a different moment.

Pat came to realize this when she took her son to the toy store. She gave him a limit of $5, then tried to pull an either or on him. He, being the wise kid he is, said no, you gave me a dollar limit, not an either or. He recognized the deprivation and did not want to lose the option of getting the other toy at a different time.

You get around this by setting parameters that are inclusive and name the value you are honoring. If you give the child $5 to buy a toy of their choice, they can choose which toy they want now, or if they are wise to the idea of saving, they can save the $5 for next time and get a toy that's $10, which gives them even more options.

'And' opens time, it's positive, in motion. I can do this and I can do that. I can do both of them, which do I chose to honor in this moment.

If your head is spinning over this short review, think about talking about it in depth for 40 minutes. For me it's quite the aha, that 'or' is a deprivation and how a lot of procrastination is set up. If I can do this or that, not making a decision because either way I'm going to be deprived of the other deprives me of both. Hello! A couple of us looked at each other and went, well that explains a lot.

The other thing Pat encouraged us to do was think of coaching as a brainstorming session. The client shows up with a willingness and openness to change. I show up with all my tools, my curiousness and a sense of humor. We work to co-create their new way of being. I throw out ideas, have you thought about looking at it this way, and what I do either works or doesn't and I try something else.

That takes the pressure and the performance anxiety right out of the equation. I didn't break them, so I don't have to fix them. Makes a world of difference.
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Raini is hanging in there. I tried to get her plugged in to fluids this morning, didn't go over so well. Try it again later. At least she's eating and working it through her system.

Tomorrow I'm heading to Fare for All to pick up some groceries, see what they have for Thanksgiving. I haven't been officially invited anywhere, so I'm planning on making my own. I've got a couple boxes of the brown rice version of Bisquick, so I'll use that to make bread for stuffing. If I don't get a turkey from Fare for All, I'll either get an overly large chicken or a small turkey, thaw it out, brine it up and roast it. Day after boil the bones for stock. Make mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, see if I can remember how to make lefse. Do what I can with what I get.
Then I have to run up to Walmart to get two more skeins of Ocean to finish off the afghan, be done with that.

Otherwise, I've picked up the knitting needles again. Three decades ago I knew how to knit and purl, could not for the life of me remember how to cast on. Had two glasses of red wine with supper last night so I was a bit buzzed, then I figured it out. Just had to not be in my right mind. Or my left.

Raini is sitting on the desk looking at me, like, 'Mom, you were gone all day and now you're sitting at the stupid computer AGAIN not paying attention to ME.'

Suppose I better go pay attention to my oldest while I still have her.

Day 8 - be careful what you wish for

As those of you who have cats know, at times it can be near impossible to type with a cat on the keyboard or in your lap. Didn't think a four pound cat could cause such chaos.

Chaos seems to be the word lately. Yes, I intentionally set it off. Now it has a life of its own.

I know that cleaning and re-arranging as I have has stirred up stuff in my body, in essence a healing crisis. I've changed the energy in my space, so the energy in my body is responding. The head and chest congestion continue, causing me to cancel my platelet donation I had scheduled for today. To add to the body issues, my feet are pulling up different sensations. Not pain, but sensations I normally do not feel.

Think about it. I have changed the foundations of my life by cleaning and re-arranging my office. Not only that, I put up the activation cards in my office and bedroom. No wonder my feet feel different, as my feet are my body's foundations. I notice the sensations when I'm sitting or in bed, not when I'm actually on my feet.

I love my shredder. It's gone through two full contractors bag, which did go out this morning, started on a third. I shred till it gets hot or decides it's done for a while, let it cool off and come right back to it. Been shredding on commercials between my shows.

As for the oldest furry kid, I did get another 100 cc into her last night. She walked away, came back an hour later and was not squishy. She absorbed that entire 100 cc in an hour, that's how dehydrated she was. I'll poke her again today, get more into her just to be safe. She did eat, so that's a good sign. Otherwise, klingon kitty.

Shad has gotten better. I rattled her cage Thursday night, and that seems to have gotten through her rather thick skull. She's left Raini's food alone, even let Rain eat her soft food this morning without issue. I hugged her and told her thank you for letting Rain eat without a fuss. Ignoring her most of yesterday may have helped as well.

The checkbook is starting to get scary. I'm not behind on anything, yet, every bill is current. Between what I have in cash, savings and checking, I can probably make it to the first of the year without dipping into the farm checkbook. After that, I don't know.

At times, I'm finding it hard to find a positive thought, to know in my heart the universe doesn't hand me anything I can't handle. If I can come out alive out of the crappy childhood I had, I can survive anything. I am resilient. If I lose everything and have to start over again, well, then I have to start over again.

I don't think it will come to that. Something good will happen to keep me working, keep my head above the financial waterline. I just need to find a way to make that thought resonate throughout my body so the universe knows I mean it.

Day 7

Sort and shred, shred and sort. That was my day yesterday.

And keeping an eye on Raini. She didn't eat much yesterday. This morning she vomited twice, so I grabbed the sub-Q fluid, heated it up and plugged it in her. Not real happy with how many times I had to poke her to get some fluid into her, but we finally got it flowing. I'll give her more later today. See if we can stretch this out to Monday before I have to take her into the vet, or if I can avoid that trip.

Otherwise, I took the time this morning to create the activation cards in Word. The kit comes with a set of 5x7" index cards with the symbols for the eight directions on them. I know how I work, so I took time to scan them while I had access to a copier that could scan them in. I then cut out the symbols in Photoshop Elements, saved them as JPEG and plugged them into Word. Printed them off so I have two sets for my best directions. Now I just need to write my goals/intentions on them and put them up on the walls in my office and bedroom.

By having them in a Word doc, I can print them out for others as needed, or when mine need updating. The cards are not offered for refills like some of the other items are, hence why I created my own.

I've had the kit since June. I think part of why I haven't done much with it until now is that in some ways I'm scared of success. I'm used to being a failure in other people's eyes, and my own. Success, not so much. When I put the cards up, that means I'm ready to succeed. I suspect parts of me are going to fight and sabotage to make the success not happen. They will be re-assigned as needed.

See if I can pull in some of the money I'm owed, create some opportunities for myself. Anything is possible.

The rest of my copywriting class is on it's way. I ordered it Wednesday, it shipped yesterday. Time to make that happen.

Day 6

And on the sixth day I rested.

In other words, I shredded a bit yesterday, read some fan fiction, watched TV and worked on my copywriting assignments. And worried a bit about Raini.

Rain has taken to napping in the office a lot. She either goes behind the chair by the file cabinet or between the closet and angled cabinet. Cats have a knack for finding areas of flow, then bask in it. Since I turned this room upside down, she's been in here, not in her crate, while she naps. I found several pieces of polar fleece and other fabrics I have around, so I'll wash them up and put them in the areas where she naps so she's not right on the floor and a bit protected for her old bones.

Shad, on the other hand, is continuing her diva bitchiness. There are days when I wish I had not brought her home, and yesterday was one of them. She's frustrated and pissed off that Raini gets more canned food than she does. Part of it is economics right now, part is her attitude that she's queen of the house. Don't think so. No, I won't give her up to a shelter. These two have been together 17 years, to separate them now would probably kill both of them.

I'm going to make time today to write and put up the activation cards in my bedroom and office. Did the energetic cleaning last night and again this morning. Called in archangels Michael and Raphael to help me clean house and deal with what's going on in my body.
Then it's sorting and shredding, putting the books back on my bookcase, re-organizing the shelving where my printer, fax machine and paper are on. Oh, and find the eucalyptus oil I've got around here somewhere, see if that helps the head and chest congestion. And prep for a liver cleanse tomorrow night.

Day 5

Well, making progress. Made a trip to ARC to drop off three bags of stuff and the office chair I've had since the early 90's. While I was out, I stopped at the bank and got a certified check to pay off the association, got a few groceries and the cables I needed.

There's actually open space on the floor in here now. I'm not done with the physical cleaning yet, got a whole lot more to sort, shred and recycle, put away, etc. The computer is up and running, the printer is connected to the router so I can print.

Now I need to shift the energy in here. Clear out the old energy on the etheric, emotional and spiritual level. Clear out all of my old stuff, clear the people who lived here previously. Make the space mine.

I may even name the room. Name it is to claim it. Funny that I can name my truck Taezen and my motorcycle Chael, yet I have never named the space I spend most of my life in. Bountiful? Abundance, abundancy? What do I want to give metaphorical birth to? Have to contemplate that one for a while.

Day 4

Here's proof of what I got done yesterday.


Why are things at angles? Well, as stated previously, the building is not built on a true north/south vector. In order for me to be at the correct directions, things are angled. The desk faces magnetic south, the recliner magnetic east. In angling those two items, everything else loses space to make up for the angles.

Now the question becomes, what do I do with the stuff that no longer fits in here? An older computer chair I've had since the early 90's is going to ARC, along with three more bags of stuff. Older computer stuff I'm taking to the electronics recycling center up at the county transfer station.

Then there's my old G4 tower and CRT monitor. Last time I turned it on, it still works just fine. It has OS 9 something on it, question is, can I upgrade it to X or not? If not, then I need to wipe it, several times, before turning it in for recycling, or take out the hard drive and physically destroy it. Perhaps a call or trip to First Tech would be a wise idea. A trip might be good, take the Powerbook with me to see if it can be fixed or if that too needs to be recycled.

The cleaning is messing with me, both energetically and physically. I've vacuumed as I've moved stuff, been using the disposable dusters to clean things as I go, even got the air cleaner/ionizer going full tilt. Nose is running, lungs are congested, I feel like crap. Nothing like purging old, stuck stale energy out of the space and myself.
I'll do some energetic clearing today. Get the old stuff moving out now, then re-set things again when I'm done for this room. Set up the feng shui enhancements, get things moving again.

And just know that I intentionally caused chaos in order to restore the good energy flow.

Day 3?

Ok, brain is a bit disjointed. I have moved a lot of stuff around, and the back is complaining. Thankfully, the majority of the moving is done. I need to vacuum a bit more, move the recliner over, and the office is pretty much done. Still stuff to sort and put away, as well as getting a longer Ethernet cable to hook up to the printer. Crap, that means I have to hook the router up. One more cord to add to the back of the desk.

Here's what it looked like before I started moving this morning.


What you're not seeing is more shredding. Filled up one contractor's garbage bag, started another. I've got two more file boxes to go through and shred. I'm about finished with the junk from my Traveling Vineyard days. Most of that stuff had credit card numbers on it, so I had to shred it. Get up early Thursday morning to haul those bags out right before the garbage truck shows up, so no one can walk away with them.

The poor felines are so confused. They aren't quite sure what Mom is doing, other than messing with their space. They will live. Hopefully I will survive this as well.

I'll be glad when I'm done as well. All the dust is getting to me. I've got my air cleaner on, and I've been opening the window when I get hot to get some fresh 30 degree air in. The nose and lungs will be glad when this cleaning frenzy is over. The rest of the body will as well.

Now that I've got the cables hooked back up correctly and I'm back on the net, I suppose I better get back to work. More tomorrow.

Day 2...

OK, didn't get much done yesterday. Did some shredding of checks from a business I used to own. Still, it's something. I kind of figured out how to move all this stuff around. The books will have to go out into the dining room, the chair gets moved over, as does the book shelf.

Then the cabinet gets cleared off and cleaned out - that's been storage for media and cables/cords of all sorts. The cabinet gets moved down by the closet, leaving room for the closet doors to open. The desk gets cleaned off and moved over, set up the desk along with all the cords, etc. Then the chair can move into the corner where the desk was. I expect that's as far as I will get today.

Meanwhile, I need some feedback on the afghan I'm making. Here are a couple shots of the 40 blocks I have made right now, laid out on my queen size bed.



So, do you think it's big enough? It doesn't quite cover the bed, which my afghans usually do. I've tinkered with the idea of adding a border of the blue using the same stitch combo as made the blocks, just to do something different. If I keep it as is, I need to make 8 more blocks, which I can probably put together with the yarn I have on hand. I'll need more to stitch it together and do the edging.

For those of you who do crochet, the yarn colors are Red Heart Aran and Ocean in the super size skeins. Takes me about an hour to do a block, not including tucking in the ends. Now, do I put it together with the aran or the ocean? I was thinking the ocean, just to be different. Make the aran the accent color, not the background, which is what aran or sandytones is usually used for.
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In other news... I gained 3.5 pounds in the last month. I highly doubt that weight gain is muscle. Looks and feels like I need to do an unconscious clearing to change what's causing me to not want to drop the weight.

Day 1

It may not look like I got much done, according to these photos. What you aren't seeing is multiple trips to the garbage and recycling bins, an hour spent shredding old items from my high school and college days, and four loads of laundry done.

The closet now has both massage tables in it, along with 10 boxes of my book, and a few other things. I've decided my desk will back into the corner where the corner cabinet is right now so that it faces magnetic south. That allows me to have a wall at my back, face the door and be in a good direction for me. The recliner will go in the corner where my desk is now to face east.

Where everything else will go will shake out as I move things around.

I am going to allow myself one more purchase. I have wanted, for a very long time, a set of matching maple tray tables. I'll use one as a table next to my recliner for my CD player, notebook, water mug, etc. Two will go in my bedroom as matching bedside tables. The other will float around as needed.

Here goes

So, my dear friends, it's time to clean house. I made the decision this morning that I am going to clean house and keep cleaning until one of my temp agencies finds me something to do.

I'm starting in the office, as I've been threatening to do for a while. With that in mind, here are the 'before' photos. Granted, they were taken in July, not much has changed since then.


Yes, it's a mess. I spent some time reading through my Diamond Feng Shui book last night, so I'm trying to figure out where to put my desk so I face one of my success directions, where to move my recliner to so when I meditate I'm facing a good direction, etc.

Doesn't help matters any that the whole f@#$%^& building is at odd angles to magnetic north. Builders who no nothing of feng shui... bah.

Well, time to start. Go rescue my clothes out of the washer and dryer and start planning and moving. I'll post daily updates so you can see my progress.

Oww...

I like Dr. R, and sometimes he's a pain. In this case, literally.

There are lots of things going on that are influencing what's going on in my body, above what I'm doing to it and putting into it. The grand cosmic scale of things changing is tweaking what's going on in my head and hence my body.

Me being so tired is a result of the exercising I'm doing releasing toxins back into my body. The brain fog is part of that, so he recommended SAM-e to help with that. I probably better do a liver cleanse as well here, soon, along with hitting Present Moment for the kidney cleanse herbs as well. Get the liver functioning better, clean out the gut, clean out the kidneys, the whole system works better.

Body is also inflamed again. Partially due to the wheat I've been consuming, part due to the exercising. I brought in a bottle of Intenzyme Forte to Dr. R, it tests very strong for me, so I had the office order me a 500 count bottle. I also stopped and got 2-100 count bottles from my dentist while I was out, cause I need to take 6 a day - three with meals, three on an empty stomach along with the homeopathic Arnica to take out the inflammation.

The inflammation is what's causing the pain, along with really tight hamstrings and hips. My body is shifting out of the homeostasis it's been in, doesn't know what to do. Patience and awareness, being kind to myself, staying away from the foods that hurt me.

That said... I was so hungry last night on the way home I stopped at Taco Bell and got a chalupa/hard shell combo. Wheat and corn together. Surprisingly, I'm not near as painful as I thought I would be. One is probably masking the other.

While I was running through Whole Foods to get supplements and a few groceries, I was looking at natural or organic based moisturizers. I'm about out of hand/body lotion, and I need something different for my face. Found something that will work for the body, no joy on face. Keep looking. Time to keep the chemicals off and out of the body.

Got an interesting surprise yesterday morning. One of the gals in the office brought me a thank you card. The entire group in the row I was in signed it. Also in there were two $10 gift checks.
That's the first time I've gotten a thank you card for being a temp.

'Nother day

Another day, another dollar.

Or in this case, several hundreds of dollars. Finally got my federal refund and my econ stim checks yesterday, so I put them in the bank today. They are enough to cover what I owe the association with some extra, so I'm OK on that one. Whew.

Other than that, waiting for the temp agencies to come up with something for me to do next week.

I'm taking Thursday and Friday for myself. I'm tired, have been for the last week. I'm chalking it up to toxins coming out of my fat cells and acting up in my body. I see Dr. R Thursday morning. Have him do the electronic stim on my hamstrings so I can actually bend over and touch the floor, get some other muscles loosened up.

I'm also re-arranging the office. I need to plan out where to move the desk to, how to shuffle things around inside this 11 x 14 room. Gonna be interesting.

Talked to HR today. Main reason I didn't get the job? They were afraid of my business, that I would put too much time into that and not into my work.
It's like they need to see that when I'm at work I give 110% to what I'm doing. I do my business on MY time. The only time I left work early at the last job for my business was when I took a half day off to go teach Quantum Touch in a location that was an almost 5 hour drive away. Grr.

Pulled out my Archangel card deck last night. I intended to pull three, came out with four. All of them were about intentions, setting them, letting them go. One had to do with moon cycles, which given that it's a full moon tomorrow night into Thursday, is appropriate.

I need to clearly write out my intentions, what I'm grateful for, and start repeating it day and night. Right now I'm only doing it before I go to bed. Gotta step things up if I want to get off the temp merry-go-round.

Intuitives and Law of Attraction

Went to the Edge Life Expo today. Sat in on one lecture that had some resonance for me. Not sure I'm ready to go there yet.

After the lecture, walked around the hall. Picked up flyers and stuff for my copywriting swipe file and to later go back and offer some ideas to people to make their stuff more interesting.

I only bought one thing - a package of Palo Santo wood. It's a gorgeous smelling wood that's used for clearing space, like sage is for smudging. Palo Santo smells better to me than sage. I'm thinking it might be good as a perfume scent. Might have to play with a piece or two, try pulling out the aromatics with alcohol or oil.
And I can use it for it's original purpose - to clear out the old, stale energy around my home and get things moving again.

As I was swiping, I came across the animal intuitive I talked to last spring about Raini and Shad. I sat down with her for 15 minutes and asked how the furballs were doing. She cleared some stuff from Raini, told me to keep her hydrated as she starts moving on.
Asked why Shad is doing her howling. The howling comes from her heart-felt frustration at both me and herself. She's a diva, so she thinks she should come first, yet she knows Raini isn't good, loves her, and still doesn't quite understand why Rain gets more attention. Now that I know it's out of frustration with both herself and the situation, I can be a little more compassionate. I need to reach out to her with my heart energy.

I asked the intuitive if losing my job had any impact on them. No, they were happy to see me get out of there. She confirmed I had done all I could, time to move on. She picked up that I'm still dealing with beliefs that I only need enough to get by on, that I don't deserve $100k or better a year. I don't remember her exact words, just the gist that I'm just as worthy of making $100k as anyone else who is.
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Now, contrast that to what happened yesterday morning. As soon as the senior engineer came in, he pulled up a chair to talk to me about the position. He asked me if I had heard anything, I told him that when I hadn't heard by Wednesday, I presumed I hadn't gotten it. HR said they would take care of it and didn't. He was not happy to hear that.
He told me he'd already given HR a recommendation for me, that the department thought I had gone above and beyond what was needed. Huh.
I told him that I was leaving the position in a better place than when I had gotten it, that I had loaded stuff on the jump drive that was in the desk. I told him where I would leave it and what would be with it. He was impressed that I'd pulled that together.

Later on, a couple of people in the row where I've been sitting told me they've already sent on recommendations for me to HR. They were amazed at what I could do and how fast I got stuff done when asked. All I did was my job. If it amazed them what I could do, that leaves me wondering about how good the last admin was.

As I was listening to the senior engineer and one of his staff, the staff guy brought up that he is getting his daughter the Livescribe note taking system. First person I thought about when I looked it up on Target's ad was P. It's a way to take notes and record them. I'm not about to try and describe the way cool technology, just go take a look at it. Perfect for college kids, perfect for those who are auditory learners so you can take a few notes and listen to what was actually said later, perfect for reporters who need to be accurate in their reporting. A Bond gadget with real life application.
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Got a call from a former associate. We used to both be in Smart Travel and Traveling Vineyard several years ago. She now runs her own jewelry line, travels all over the US doing shows. She called to ask if I was interested in doing chair massage at a sale she's having the day after Thanksgiving. She's calling it a girl's night out, profits go to a local women's shelter.

She doesn't want me to charge, but I can set out a tip jar. Or what I may counter propose to her, is that I do charge for the massages and donate what I make. Done that before. Then I can hand out my cards and brochures, ask for the sale, see what happens. Oh, gift certificates would be a great idea.

Here's the funny thing about gift certificates. Out of all the gift certificates I've sold or donated over the years, only one has ever been called in. And I ended up getting a paid one out of that as well. Charge $40 for a half hour, $75 for an hour, see how many I can sell.
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Now, if I can just figure out what the part of me is doing when I buy food that I know causes me physical issues, then gobble it down, live through the pain, then do it again, I'll be one step ahead of the game.
Did it last night, did it again today. I'm not sure where in the decision loop, in the TOTE model I'm missing the "I know this is bad for my body, I know I'm going to be in pain after I eat it, do not buy this" to buying it and then consuming it, and now paying with pain for doing it.

I know that wheat makes my joints hurt something fierce, and that Reeces peanut butter cups also compound that pain along with inflaming the neck lymph nodes. I know I get a sugar spike/crash that sends me into an unexpected snooze. And I know both of them are in direct conflict with my desire to let go of the excess weight. Yet I still do it.

Parts issue. What values do eating those foods serve? What comes to mind is hiding food from mom when I was little. It was a way to get attention from her, when she found out, because otherwise she didn't have time for me. Rebellion, trying to become an individual, trying to be different from them.

If I remember correctly, a visual squash would be called for right about now.

I wonder if my procrastination has anything to do with the parents? Stuff to meditate on in the morning.

Bummer

I didn't get the job.

Mixed feelings about it. One thought that keeps running through my head is that their opinion of me is none of my business, yet I need the feedback to know what I'm missing so I can land a job.

I'm also wondering how much of a smack this is from the Law of Attraction. I didn't focus enough on wanting and seeing myself getting the job, so I didn't get it.

I've been sitting there, bored, reading on the internet, getting paid very well for doing very little work. Everyone is out of the office next week, so I get to sit there for three days again doing practically nothing.

Job. Just Over Broke. I used to hear that all the time from certain MLM teams I was involved in. Guess what, they ain't much better.

Feedback is what a lot of things come down to. Last job was a lack of feedback, and what I did get wasn't helpful. Failure on both sides.

I voted. Did you?

I am so glad this political season is finally over. I have had it with the ads, the continuing news coverage. I’m to the point where I don’t care anymore about what happens, I just want this DONE with.

To say that I’m sick of politics and the political process in this country is an understatement. The negative ads, the mud slinging… What if politicians were limited only to touting their own agendas? Tell me why I should vote for you, what difference do you think you can make? What are your actual views, stands, agendas? Leave the mud slinging to the national committees.

And no, I will not be going into politics myself. I have too many skeletons and ghosts (literal and figuratively) in my closet to even consider it. I don’t consider myself to be that much of a lowlife, thank you.

Other than that, been thinking more about what Pat said on Sunday about contracts between partners. She’s talking in the sense of personal partnerships, be it between married couples, significant others, however you want to explain long term committed relationships between two people, including friendships.

Couples, married or not, awake or not, seem to think that once the commitment has been made, you’re done. Not. During class, Pat stated that the contract between the two needs to be re-negotiated on a regular basis, at least yearly or at every major life-changing event (birth, new job, new house, going back to school, major illness/injury, other life altering interruptions). What are the values and beliefs? Is what we are currently doing sustainable during and after this change, or do current structures, habits, time schedules, goals, etc need to be evaluated in light of this?

Granted, I’m not in a relationship that has that kind of impact on me. It’s just me and the cats I need to worry about. That said, I do want a relationship in my life.

Having thought about that relationship, one of the first things that popped into my head was negotiating ahead of time how we would deal with conflict. Do we keep a mutual journal of things that irritate us about each other so we can express it and deal with it so it doesn’t blow up? Can we agree to some rules about how we deal with big issues so we don’t end up in a screaming match? Makeup sex not withstanding, I frankly do not ever want to get into the fights my parents did on a regular basis. If I ever have kids (you know that’s a bitter cold day in hell) I don’t want them to deal with the fallout or feel like they have to get between us to stop a physical fight.

Can I construct a relationship that has little to no conflict to begin with?

Yeah.

So, here I sit at work with not a whole lot of business work to do. I’ve been reading articles on the copywriting website, getting things printed out that I need to read through.

I feel a cleaning rampage coming on for this weekend. If I am truly going to commit myself to becoming a copywriter, then using that skill to create other sources of revenue, I need to clean out my office. Yes, I’ve said before that I needed to do it, just have not done it. This weekend is it. The entire house is going to be in disarray for a couple days, oh well.

Clean off the floor so I have space to move. Then move the desk to my feng shui proper spot so the energy flows. Arrange everything else around the desk so it makes organized sense to me. Clean out the closet so what needs to be in there can be, the rest gets hauled out for junk or off to ARC.

Oh, and hit the Edge Life expo this weekend. I want to go see what people are up to, see if there is anyone I know or need to know about. Also a good time to pick up marketing material for my swipe file and to market to later.

As for the job… well, I’m going to presume that I didn’t get it. It’s their loss. Some company out there needs my skills and brain for a year or two while I get other things pulled together. Meanwhile, I’ll leave this position in a better place then when I got it, with the right info at the right place so they aren’t stumbling around blind when they get here. And if I did get it, then I can focus on what I really need to do.

Still no answer

Ugh. I hate not knowing. Do I re-start the job hunt, or can I settle down and really get to know the people I’m working with?

Class yesterday was interesting, as it always is with Pat. Yesterday and the 23rd focus on language, not so much the content as the structure of what people are saying. NLP – neuro-linguistic programming – works with the idea that we frame our experiences with language. An event has no meaning to us until we put language to it, which then frames the event.

Over the years we’ve learned what to frame and what not to frame, or given our issues, what to incorrectly frame. Think about it: how many times do we walk down a hall and not think about that walk again? I do it many times a day, because there is no reason to put language to that walk, no experience that I need to remember it for. Now, if I meet someone in the hall that asks me about a project I’m working on, then I will remember that walk, because I remember the chat that happened during the walk and the internal dialog I had with myself about what the other person said and my responses.

Coaching language is like learning a foreign language – current English grammar and syntax do not apply, so running it through the filters for normal English language would not apply. Those filters would only confuse the issue. If I look at it and speak it as a new language, I should have a better shot at remembering and asking a good question.

Here’s an example from yesterday (and one I’ve said in my own head a few times): He doesn’t think I’m good enough. Coaching language would come back with: How do you know he doesn’t think you’re good enough? What are you good enough for? Who is he? Is anyone good enough?
You’re trying to recover lost information to get the person back to the original event. Once they are there, then the event can be re-framed with different language and the problem will go away.

The class was fun, especially when Pat gets going with some of the stuff she strings together. It’s a matter of practice and actually listening to the structure to find out what’s not being said, recovering the lost information and re-framing from there.

Practice makes permanent.

At least the weather is decent. Rode Chael to class yesterday, rode him to work today. Probably ride again tomorrow. After that, the season may be done for, as it’s supposed to snow here in MN Friday night.
At least with gas prices in the $1.99 range, I can afford to drive Taez. Last time I filled up, it was under $40 for 18 gallons of gas. That beats $70 a tank any day.

Not MIA

Just struggling with a week of stress after the interview.

I know a decision was made on Friday about who they are offering the job to. Several of the people in the meeting had to walk by my desk , and I don't know what to make of their facial expressions. When I do kinesthetic testing, either by noticing or the thumbnail trick, I get back that the job is mine. Yet my gut was in an uproar yesterday because of the not knowing.

Ugh. Nothing worse than not knowing. Do I need to go back to the job hunt or can I settle down and start working for them and by extension really working on my copy writing so I can start putting some money in the bank?

To keep my mind off of it last night I buried my nose in Lynn McTaggert's book The Intention Experiment. McTaggert, being a journalist, takes a more scientific view of the law of attraction and the part intention plays in the law. I read that between watching the DaVinci Code for the first time.

This morning was the usual wash clothes routine. Had to get that done this morning because I didn't want to haul heavy stuff around after I donated platelets this afternoon. I have managed to pop the veins open after carrying heavy stuff around, so I got what I could done early.

Had to laugh at the staff at the Red Cross today. They're a good group. Since my platelet count is so high, I'm only on the machine, active, for 61 minutes. The lead guy told me today that if the change is ever made to allow quads instead of triples like I do now, I'm one of the first people he's calling. If I can kick out a triple dose in an hour with an average of 450k platelets per CC of blood, a quad should only take 20 more minutes. I think I can sit still for that long.
I don't know how some people can sit there for three hours to do a single. I know my bladder wouldn't take it, and I doubt my patience would, either. I'll count my blessings that I have good veins that can take being punctured every three weeks to kick out platelets that someone else isn't blessed with.

This is one time where my weight is an advantage. Based on the premise that you start with 6 pints of blood up to 150 pounds, then add another pint for every 25 pounds thereafter, I'm running about 18 pints of blood through my system. I can easily give up a triple dose of platelets, a pint of plasma and whatever else they need without risking my life. As I let go of the weight, the volume will reduce. I'm wondering if the count will go up due to the same amount of platelets in less volume, or if it will remain the same? Don't know, doesn't matter at this point, figure it out when I let go of 100#.

Tomorrow is another class day. The next two are on language and how to weave it to help clients. The teacher is a master at unwinding problems without having to do the structures and techniques she taught us in the original class. Enough of us bugged her about it that she finally put together a class and is teaching us how she does it.

It's part of the certificate she's calling 'Coaching for Resilience'. Give me something to market.

And it is the time change tonight. An extra hour of sleep. YEAH! I need it.