Shadow work

I've been off doing some more shadow work. It's actually kind of fun, making a list of all the things I hate or dislike about other people, knowing full well that what I don't like in them is what I don't like in myself.

It's been kind of freeing, actually. Like this morning during our team meeting, I took a broadside potshot at the guy who needs to pull together three SCCM reports for me. I sent the service request to him August 26, he finally accepted it September 8, and now here it is October 19 and he's just now starting work on it after the potshot during the meeting today.

I have cut him some slack the last two weeks because A) his wife had two discs in her neck removed and three vertebrae fused, so he had to work from home for 10 days, and then B) his pregnant daughter caught H1N1 and ended up airlifted to a hospital downtown because she ended up with severe pnumonia, couldn't keep anything down, etc.

The fact remains is that he's had several weeks to work on this and has not. I needed those reports two weeks ago, he put them off, he's fair game for the potshot. I worded it like, 'We're about ready to rip Project and Visio off system, but I'm waiting on SMS and SCCM reports because I'm working with months old data.' He got the public hint and sent me an email that he would be working on it after he got his daughter home from the hospital today and would have at least one to me by EOD tomorrow.

The other thing that has made this fun is that my boss is buying into this. She asked me to come up with a presentation about shadow work, both from the perspective of the guys not knowing I do this, and to get them to own up to the incessant whining, backstabbing, etc that goes on with this bunch.

I have the presentation plotted out in a mind map - I had time today since I was waiting on the reports. I've got some music in mind, a video clip from Torchwood: Children of Earth I'd like to use, the structure, the blindside, etc. The boys aren't going to know what hit them.
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Got some work done in the garage this weekend. The board has decided now to have some new sheetrock put in the garages. That means that everything has to be pulled off the walls, piled in the middle, the crew puts in the new rock, then I get to put my stuff back up on the walls. Grrrr. So I'll have to haul garbage out and get stuff down on Saturday so I can neatly pile it up in the middle.

That also means I need to find a place for Chael sooner rather than later. I rode today for the first time in three weeks. He didn't want to start - gas had evaporated from the carbs. He finally started, didn't sound quite right. Find a place to store him and go from there.
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Kitchen Window has their annual knife event this coming weekend. They are giving 10-60% off knives, plus three blades sharpened for free, Japanese blades are $3 instead of $10. I want to get a Shun 5" utility knife, so I don't have to haul out the 8" chef's knife all the time. The 8" is a bit unwieldy when trying to trim up chicken thighs of the fat and skin before I bake them. Even 10% off will bring it down to about $125 for the blade. Worth it in my eyes for a wicked sharp blade.

Things to contemplate

Head's been busy with all sorts of stuff running through it.

Went to see Dr. R last week for my monthly visit. My neck was stiff and unyielding, and several other things just weren't right. I asked him what was causing me to be so damn inflexible. His reply? My shadow side is surfacing, and I need to delve into it. He recommended a look at The Shadow Effect and Anger Resources book Embracing the Dark Side: Learning to Recognize and Handle the Anger Within and Around You. I ordered the DVD set, still thinking about the workbook. I have Ford's The Dark Side of the Light Chasers already, so I'm re-reading that.

Dr. R told me that a lot of what I'm dealing with is other people pushing my boundaries. They are reflecting back to me the things I don't like in myself. Instead of stuffing them away and ignoring them, I need to look at them head on and deal with them within myself.

We're heading into winter, a time where a lot of people won't be able to keep running from themselves. They will find themselves inside doing stupid or destructive stuff because they aren't willing to go inside and face their own shadows. What are you most afraid of? What do you keep denying? How are you not what you hate?

So I've started with what I already have, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. I'd read through it before, but now it has even more relevance. A couple weeks ago I started purposefully draining my anger, hate, disgust, fear, resentment, etc during my meditations. I connected my roots not to the center of the earth, but to the Canadian oil sands that are north of here. Where better to send the oily sludge that is the lower vibration emotions than to oil sands where they can be made use of?

Draining myself of the anger, hate and resentment had an almost immediate impact on my thinking. I didn't get so caught up in my own little revenge stories that would run through my head. It was easier to stop them if they did try to start. Moved my energy in a different direction, things change.

Time to look at the shadows, see what's lurking there. Besides the Shadow cat... It struck me as a bit funny, when I thought about it. I lost my light when I euthanized Raini, and all I'm left with is my Shadow. Had I put 2 + 2 together, I might have seen this coming earlier and not had to deal with such a stiff neck. Oh well, I get it now.