Quick notes

Quick note on how things are going.

The new DSL is up and running. Had some fits and kittens to get my modem to work with Qwest, but now we're up to speed.

The new windows are in. That was an ordeal. I came home after a BNI meeting this morning to find my patio door WIDE open, two windows already torn out and a mess all over. Evidently the construction manager didn't bother to tell the crew I had cats or to only work on the office window until I got home so I could keep an eye on the cats. The construction manager will be getting a formal written complaint. The guys didn't bother to clean up after themselves, either.

Thankfully Tabby stayed under my bed and the open door didn't tempt AB to take a walk about.

I've made three BNI meetings so far this week. I've gotten one referral and one of the guys I talked to, his wife is a writer and his brother-in-law is a copy writer. I'll follow up with them next week once the website is built.

The next thing tonight is the third class for the website building. I need to sit down and write the content - at least now I know what content I need to write. Between meetings tomorrow I'll get that rolling.

Friday I head back to my old job to help the boys that took over my job. Sounds more and more like the boy will end up doing most, if not all, of my job. Cell phone guy is pushing back and not wanting to do what I assigned to him. Have a chat with them and my old boss about all of this and see where they want to go.

Ren Fest was a blast on Sunday. Spent 9+ hours walking around with Jones and Dominik clans. Made it before opening cannon and left not long before closing cannon. Due to a friend's generosity in getting the clan in for free, I am going back this coming weekend to pick up the sky chair I want. Since it's the last weekend, there should be some discounts so the merchants don't have to take stuff home.

Class is about to start, so more later.

Changes

Lots of things moving and changing in the next week.

Time to move up in internet speed. I've been using a local ISP since I hooked up to the net years ago. First it was Goldengate, who then got bought out by IP House. Now I'm running into the issue that Qwest limits the MPS that IPHouse can do. In my area I've maxed out at 1.5 MPS. If I want anything faster I need to move to Qwest as my ISP since they own the fiber optic backbone.

So I've bitten the bullet and put the order in to move to Qwest as my ISP. I'll email IPHouse and tell them to shut down as of next Thursday. Good timing, as they bill on the first of the month.

New windows are FINALLY being installed next Wednesday and Thursday. Given that my current windows are leaking like sieves in the monsoon we're dealing with, it's a really good thing. That I had to go round and round with the contractor to get those dates, not so fun.

Next Friday I will be back in my former office for most of the day. I'm having lunch with the boss who was out for my last two weeks so we can play catch up. I'm also meeting with the boy before lunch to go over stuff and with the cell phone guy after lunch.

The emails have been flying back and forth this week. Cell phone guy is trying to remember how to do something he should have been doing weekly - meaning he's three weeks behind on that task. That is causing the boy problems because he needs that weekly purchase data to keep up with the licensing tasks. Given how the boy can intimidate people, I suspect there is some friction between the two of them I may have to work on when I'm in the office next week. Mirrors...

House cleaning. Started in on the living room yesterday because there may be a Jones invasion tomorrow night. If everyone and the friend shows up that's 9 more people in a space for 1. It will be tight, but we can do it.

I can see most of the living room floor, which is a huge thing. No more carpet skating. I need to figure out what to do with my old cassette tapes and video tapes that have outlived their usefulness. Find new homes for things or move them out entirely. I sense another 'thing purge' about to happen.

I'm starting to pull stuff together for The Write Support. I've attended a couple networking events and have started handing out business cards. I'm also gathering business cards to connect with. I'm watching The International Freelance online conference today, trying to pick up info to help me get the word out. Between sessions I'm researching author groups, small publishing houses, virtual admins, copywriters, marketers, script/screen writers, playwrights, anyone that needs research done. (If you have ideas for others I should go after, comment with your idea.)

Next week I've got an online class that will help me build a marketing website. This class is specifically for freelancers in research, copywriting, writing and photography markets. They are offering four nights of class plus a critique of the site once it's up and running. There's also another class specifically for researchers, so I'll take advantage of that.

I also need to hit more networking groups. I did one yesterday morning. A small group, not so sure they would work with my long term plans. I need to see what other groups are available besides BNI. I'll hit BNI groups here on the west side of the Cities as an initial method to get the word out. I expect in the long term my pursuit of my target markets will bring me the most business.

And communication issues. Found out Sunday when P came over that my name wasn't in the entry door security panel. We went through it, I wasn't in there. Emailed the association so that's been fixed.
But it has caused problems. I had to go pick up a package from UPS in Maple Grove because they couldn't find me on the directory. Now I have to go to St. Paul because Fed Ex drivers are crap. They attempted to deliver once, then sent me a post card. I will not use Fed Ex because they are so unreliable about delivery.

Finally, for the first time since I got my driver's license, I weigh less than what my driver's license says I do. That means I'm 40 pounds lighter since I started tracking in February. Still got a ways to go, I'm almost half way there.

Sometimes...

Sometimes you need to get sick before you can get better.

Such is my life this past week. I picked up a job, supposedly Tuesday to Friday, for a medical device company that takes other companies products that have been used, clean them up, refurbish them if they can be, and sends them back out for use. This can include anything from surgical tools to pacemakers, defibulators and more.

Been working in the HR department doing all sorts of things. Part of Tuesday, all of Wednesday and most of Thursday I spent stuffing T-shirts into envelopes and mailing them. I've scanned, re-wrote policy, figured out how to add drop down lists to Word docs and more. Yeah rah. I got extended to tomorrow, so I can finish up all the stuff they wanted done.

I also got sick. Friday morning I woke up to a really unhappy gut. Got a few bites of breakfast down, then dealt with pain the rest of the day, along with a bit of a fever. Came home, crashed in my chair to sleep off the worst of the fever. (I'm a firm believer in letting a fever run it's course. The body creates extra heat to kill whatever is ailing you.) I slept from 5:30 Friday night until 7 the next morning.

Went to the farmer's market to get a few things, stopped and picked up plain yogurt on the way home to see if the gut would tolerate that. It did, and the pain subsided as the day went on. I felt good enough that I went ahead with plans to see a new friend for supper Saturday night.

SS is someone I met on the job and was my main Accounts team contact. We didn't find out until shortly before I left that we had a lot in common. I'd given her some of the Alison Armstrong stuff, so she offered to cook supper for me.
What a joy that turned out to be. Turns out we have much the same view points on spirituality, food, cooking, how the world works, what to do about the men in our lives. On top of working full time she's also attending Le Cordon Bleu cooking school at night.

Now, granted, I'm not about to go to cooking school, and I'm far from a foodie. I do like to cook and play and see what I can figure out. And I love eating things that taste good, smell good, and are good for me. Add in good conversation with someone who gets what I'm talking about... ahhhhh.

So she's coming up to my house in October (AACK!) so I can cook for her. (Gives me a deadline to clean house.) I'm thinking a pumpkin or squash soup, a leg of lamb or beef roast and veggies, and some type of dessert. She can bring a good cabernet or merlot and we'll eat and talk.

I have another reason to clean house that comes in less than two weeks. G is bringing two of her girls to the Muse concert October 5 and needs a place to crash. Then they can drive from here to Willmar the next morning to deal with other issues. So, first I must find bottom to the living room so that the sofa bed can be pulled out. And I need to fix my recliner so it too can be used as a bed.

Got a call from my former boss Thursday night. The !@#$%^&!! VP cut her budget, and the first thing he cut was the money to bring me back in November. They are in the middle of a hiring freeze, so she can't even bring in the rest of the people she needs to make Win7 happen.
We're in the middle of figuring out when we can do lunch, so I can get a better idea of what's going on. I suggested she plan a meeting with the two guys that took over my job after lunch so they can vent and ask questions. Then she can hear and ask questions as well.

I am taking care of myself in the process. Friday and Saturday this week is the International Freelancer's Day online conference. Since it's no cost and covers topics I need to know about, I'm taking the time to watch it. It's perfect timing to help get The Write Support off the ground.

Energy and resources

Physically, I feel like my energy and resources are tapped out. I've been sleeping as much as I can this last week and it still doesn't feel like it's enough. Whether that's from the low carb flu, since I'm cutting back on the carbs as much as I can, or from the sheer physical exhaustion of working 88 straight weeks with no down time, doesn't matter.

I have gotten a few things done between naps this week. The resume has been updated for admin work and turned in to the staffing company. They found me a four day job for next week at another local medical device company. It's something they need done with Publisher, so I'll spend four days doing that.

Been pulling together stuff to do my taxes. I've got the profit and loss statements done for both the farm and Inquire. I've found a few tax documents, at the moment I have yet to find my W-2 from the staffing company. I may have to do some scrambling on that one. Hopefully the local accounting office can print me a new one so I can get my taxes done tomorrow afternoon. Or the Universe is kind enough to point out to me where the first copy is in my mess of a house.

In pulling the tax stuff together I have found a bit of the house. The kitchen table is kind of cleared off. Not enough to actually eat at the table, but getting there. I can see the surface of it. I can also see under the table, where all the dust bunnies are at.

Went to see Dr. Rory Friday. He could sense my exhaustion, yet he said there was a vigor underneath waiting to be tapped into. He gave me permission to keep napping and taking care of myself. While poking and prodding he found three nasty knots in my ribs, besides the rib that won't stay in place. Not surprising since I was figuratively tied up in knots for weeks about the job.

Been working on some stuff for my internet research business. Been looking up virtual admins, small local publishing houses, authors, copywriters, marketers. Anyone who needs research done. I need to move the website to a different provider so I can get a basic front page built. I've got a class in a couple weeks on how to write a specific internet research site to bring in business.
There are a couple chamber mixers coming up that I'll hit, along with some BNI and other networking groups as I get time in the coming weeks. Get my name out, get the emails out, get this thing cooking.

As I've told the boy and others, I'm getting tired of this merry-go-round. I need some stability. Even if I do the internet research part time and put the money away as a slush fund, it helps. If I do get my job back, then the money can go towards having plastic surgery next summer. Or I can get a different vehicle. Or I can look at moving out of this @#$%^& place I live in.

This place I live in... I suspect we've got some big issues we're about to get hit with. The structural engineers have warned us to not use the decks and catwalks because they are structurally unsound. Now it turns out there may be even more structural problems with the building. There's an owner's meeting Thursday night to get the latest.
I suspect a good tornado would be the best thing for this place. Take it down by an act of the Universe so they can start over again.

Didn't hear from either of the boys this week. I suspect they are at the 'I don't know what I don't know' stage. Drop them an email and let them know my availability. Also didn't hear from my boss, don't quite know what to think about that, other than I know how crazy her schedule can be.

So, back to conjuring up a W-2.

The boy

Ok, so I promised a post about the boy. See how far I can get without bursting into tears. Hopefully I've cried myself out on this one. If not...

The tears are of joy, not of sadness. Joy because somewhere along the line he figured out that I had feelings for him. Joy because he continued to treat me as a sister even after he figured it out. And most of all, joy because he's still willing to be friends.

Most of last week is still a blur. I was working 12-15 hour days trying to pull together all I know about software licensing into a form the boy and the cell phone guy could use and remember. I used my Livescribe pen to record as much as I could, thinking at the time that when I watched him walk away on Friday that I would not see him again.

I spent most of Thursday and Friday with him, either in meetings or one on one. He's very process driven, how does this flow from one thing to the next? Not everything I was doing was logical in his eyes. A lot of what I was doing screamed for automation, so his head was going a mile a minute on how to create a properly laid out and normalized Access database, then tie SCCM and PeopleSoft or Oracle into the database. He'd jump ahead of me, asking questions that were three or four operations ahead of where we were at.

He was a lot more open last week. More willing to talk, let me poke fun at him, physically let me touch him, poke him in the belly when he said he wasn't a marshmallow. I mentioned to him one of the gals I've been working with is going to cooking school, which set him off on a 10 minute spiel about how he likes to cook, how he tweaks recipes, cooks on weekend mornings.

All last week I've been pulling together a gift for him, the cell phone guy and the project manager. I think I mentioned a couple weeks ago about finding Alison Armstrong and her work after studying men for 20 years.

For the cell phone guy, I included the Radical Forgiveness audio. He's still got a huge chip on his shoulder from his father abandoning him and from the kids he grew up with calling him a bastard. He's getting high blood pressure and migraines, I suspect because of the unresolved anger that still comes through.
For the project manager, I gave her an audio book of some of Alison's work. She's raising four boys and one girl, plus her husband. Hopefully it will help her understand her boys better and help her daughter when she's old enough to understand.

For the boy, I gave him everything. A copy of Radical Forgiveness, if not for himself for what his oldest daughter will have to endure as a single mom. All of Alison's work, from the Conversations that introduced me to her work, to The Amazing Development of Men, Keys to the Kingdom, Understanding Women and Celebrating Partnership. I also gave him Celestine back.

As I walked him out - I still had a lot to do before I could go home Friday night - I was in a fear-full place. I was sure at the time that when I watched him walk away it would be the last time I would ever see him. I wasn't hearing much of what he was saying.
I did hear something about there being someone else in the cities that looks much like him with the same interests and personality.

He needed yet another shot of caffeine and a snack for the ride home, so we walked over to the last vending machines before you walk out of the building. I did manage to get out that he had been a blessing to me, and that the biggest reason he's been a blessing is that I knew he had my back. By this time I was in tears, and when I said it, the next thing I knew he'd pulled me into a hug and didn't let go until I did.
He told me he was only an email or a phone call away. Something about hope being for laying around on the couch at night, the next morning you get up and do. And that there was someone out there waiting for me.

That was when I finally had the a-ha that he knew. For how long I don't know, but somehow he knew I cared about him and was still willing to be friends with me. Willing to be a reference for me. Willing to continue our martial arts conversations by email - at his home email address. Willing to do lunch if I'm not half way across the cities, and if I am it will just take some more planning to make it happen.

That's why I've been in a state of shock over the last couple days, and bursting into tears when I think about this. Knowing how I feel about him, he's still treated me like a sister and is still willing to stay in contact. There's no words to describe the comfort and safety knowing he still has my back.

Some day I will ask him how and when he knew. What did I do, how did I slip up in my hiding? It will be interesting to find out when it became obvious to him. I need to know so I can better hide my feelings in the future.

He was perfect for me in all but two ways - not quite awake and not legally available. All the rest, the little things like cooking, his height & build, his manners, the way he treated me, the martial arts and motorcycles, etc, etc, etc are all the things I want and need in someone to be my life partner. I'm hoping the next one is the one. A friend that has all the qualities I'm looking for that I can learn to love, respect, trust to have my back and more.

Well done...

As in brain fried, emotions fried, physically fried well done. I suppose I could say job well done as well.

Yesterday was my last day at the job. I think it's been clear I didn't want to go and the people I was working with didn't want me to go. Contracting rules made the decision for me.

In four and a half days I did my best to hand over what I've been doing for the last 20 months to two of the best men I know: the boy and another guy. The other guy has been working with me since February to help with the data analysis, so he's got an idea of what is going on.

The boy (who will get a post of his own tomorrow or Monday when I don't start crying every time I think about him) has been... willingly and unwillingly... picking up the daily stuff I do. Since he's so process driven, he nitpicked everything I was doing to understand the how and why of it. He got ahead of himself in some ways ('be patient,' I'd tell him, to which he replied 'I don't have patients, I have victims.') Hopefully he understands it and remembers it when he comes back next Wednesday.
He's also going to look at automating this as much as possible. He's got some experience in Access database management, and his wife is an Access whiz who could, for a week or two of work, come in and build a database that could hold all the data long term.

I told both of them to call me with questions, things they need explained, and that I'm willing to come up for refresher courses if they need.

What doesn't help matters any is that the project manager is done next Friday as well. Her contract is up and she's moving to a different project in the company. That leaves the boy essentially in charge. He's got a big mouth and is willing to use it, so we'll see what happens.

The people I talked to this last week were amazed that the VP's and others were not willing to make this happen. They are talking to their bosses (who have some power and pull) to go kick the VP in the butt. It simply comes down to the fact that I saved the company at least $1.4 million in recycled licenses on two applications alone, and who knows how much will be recycled when the analysis is finished on the other four applications.

Meanwhile, I'm tired, physically and emotionally. I put in 12+hour days the last couple weeks, and Thursday and Friday were long.
I've already been in to donate platelets this morning and hit the farmer's market on the way home. I need to go eat lunch so I can go to my martial arts class, then go to Whole Foods for groceries. Then I am coming home to sleep and relax for a a while, put my nose in a book and forget about things.

Maybe then I can pull things together to get on with the rest of my life.