Back to work

After two months of freedom I'm back to work on Monday. I'll be working at the same company for a VP in a different business unit and location. She needs a fill in admin, as her current contract admin picked up a permanent job in the company and the VP needs to interview and settle on a permanent admin herself.

No, this isn't a position I want long term. Go in, babysit, make sure the place keeps running, hand over the keys to the next person. I'll be there for about a month.

Been working like crazy on finishing a wedding afghan for a co-worker. See if I can fit in lunch with her before the current admin leaves. It's seven plus miles between the two buildings, so an hour lunch will still take almost two hours with travel time and walking within the buildings.

Talked to the Boy's dad over the weekend about becoming his student. We talked for 45 minutes on the phone, him trying to figure out where I fit into his training and me trying to explain what I'm looking for. I'll head out for class November 9 to see if tai chi is what I'm looking for.

When you hear tai chi, you're probably thinking of the pictures of older folks in China doing the movements in slow motion in the park. While that is part of tai chi, it is in fact a deadly and healing martial art. What can harm can heal and healing can be hurtful. Intent and how you use the knowledge is the difference.

If the Boy's dad accepts me as a student, his tai chi class is Tuesday nights at 7. I've already set an intention that Tuesday nights will be calm, the roads dry and the temps above zero.
I may also prod the Boy into resuming his tai chi studies as well. I'll be taking at least three hours a week just for class - an hour's drive out and back, an hour for class, more for drive time if the weather isn't good. He's got a few blocks to walk/drive - maybe 90 minutes. See what happens.

If you haven't heard, Minnesota has been brutally windy the last two days. Our barometric pressure hit levels that are normally seen in a category 3 hurricane. We've been dealing with steady winds of 25-45 mph with gusts up to 60 mph. It's been dying down as today wore on.
Enough to make me and AB a bit squirley. Back to normal tomorrow.

Actually, tomorrow I need to organize the kitchen. I've hired a maid service to come in and clean the kitchen/dining room and bathroom before next week. I don't own a mop and bucket, nor do I want to invest in them. This is one of those times that paying someone to come in and clean is worth the money. If I like the service, I may have them come in once every six to eight weeks just to keep the place up.
Pay people for what they are passionate about. If they like to clean, let them do it. I'll focus on what I'm good at.

Lessons and reflections

I'm not fond of mirrors for a myriad of reasons. Some, yes, are due to my current body size and being overweight for 35 of my 43 years. Others are due to the metaphysical implications of mirrors and their meaning.

Metaphysical mirrors seem to be almost everywhere I look lately. Then again, if the only tool you have is a hammer, everything you see is a nail.

So what's the latest mirror? Tabby and AB. I spent an hour with Jodi the animal communicator Saturday morning. AB is winding down. His mind is still clear, his body is starting to fail him. He's been wobbly, his appetite is still good, needs more fluids. We're headed to the vet in an hour because when he purrs I can hear the mucus rattling in his lungs.
At this point all I can do is keep him comfortable. Saturday night he scared me because he just couldn't get comfortable. He'd be on my lap, couldn't sit still, jump down, want back up but couldn't make the jump himself. He was hurting and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. He's got maybe a month left, if that.

Tabby I couldn't have helped if I'd wanted to. Somewhere along the way she was damaged pretty badly and was not about to bond with anyone. By giving her a clean, quiet space for the last 10 months of her life I did the best I could for her.

Whatever happened to her, she wasn't willing to risk bonding with anyone for fear she'd be hurt again. That's a direct reflection on what's happened with me. As Jodi pointed out, part of why I have fallen for unavailable men is that I am unavailable myself. I'm not ready for a relationship yet. When I get my ducks together internally, the external will reflect that back to me. Someone will walk into my life and want me as I am.

As John Berry's song "She's Taken a Shine" says, "She's got a different air/She's taken a shine to him/becoming the woman she's never been/all the guys are wishin' they hadn't been so blind/She's taken a shine to life/now there's a sparkle in her eyes/they all missed a gem, a diamond within/she's taken a shine..."

So it's back to work on the list of what I need to have in the man in my life. The Boy reflected a lot of the good in me, helped me see and realize what I want. I was cleaning out a tablet to separate out my house ideas from my crocheting patterns and came across a list I'd written a year or two ago of the traits I want in a man. The Boy had all of those traits. What I had forgotten to list was legally available. In the next couple days I'll post my list of what I need/want in my male companion - let the Universe know I'm working my way to being ready for him.

Along the way I need to let go of things. Hence Tabby, and soon AB's, leaving my life. Let them go with grace and ease. I get the lessons they had for me, now they can move on to help others.

Some pets, however, seem to stay with me for lifetimes. I asked about Raini, and she's still hanging around. Evidently we've been doing this since ancient Egyptian times. Makes me wonder what has caused her to stay in cat form - why not evolve as I have? Figure it out when I go back to spirit.

Work on other stuff continues. I'm cranking on a wedding afghan. I'm now more than half done with it. I want to get it done so I can get it in to a gal at my former workplace - make a day of it to do lunch with her and check in on the boys doing my job.
Once that's done, I need to experiment with some baby afghans. I found a star pattern I like, but I want to modify it to fill in between the arms. If it works on the baby afghans, then I'll use that pattern for my kids' graduation afghans. First one is due by Memorial Day next year (aack - when did that happen?).

One thing at a time.

Days like this...

Gorgeous day. Not sure if we made another record or not, I'll take 80's in October any day.

Took Chael out for a 95 mile ride today. Went to my martial arts class, then headed out to look at the fall colors. Spent a good 2.5 hours out on the bike just wandering around. Been threatening to do that all summer and finally did it.

I'll admit that part of it I needed to get mileage and drive time to a potential new martial arts school. It's not that my current martial arts teacher is a bad teacher - far from it. There are some key differences in our opinions about chi - the body's energy field - and it's use in martial arts.

My current instructor does not believe in chi, or that the body's energy fields exist. I, on the other hand, do believe in the bio-electric field that I know for sure exists around and within the body. Hello, Quantum Touch instructor and Reiki Master Teacher, plus level three Spring Forest Qigong here? So, yeah, a bit disconcerting to find out he doesn't get it. What caused me to not pick up on this before, not sure, and at this point it doesn't matter.

What it does mean is that I've got until December to find a new instructor. I've paid through the end of the year and will keep going until then. Maybe I'll even continue after that. I do know I need to find someone that understands the energy flow and is open to me tweaking it once I understand the hows and whys of what they do.

One of the first people I want to talk to is the Boy's dad. He's been teaching since 1988 and has been doing martial arts for almost 40 years. I'm not fond of the idea of tae kwon do, but if doing that gets me what I am seeking, so be it.

If I do decide to go with the Boy's dad, it's a 70 mile round trip out to where he teaches twice a week. On top of class fees there's an additional 40 gallons of gas and 560 miles on my truck a month. At night. So another consideration would be weather, especially in January and February when it hits sub-zero for extended periods of time. Is he flexible if I miss class due to weather?

I shot an email off to the boy this morning asking him to forward my contact info to his dad. See if he does, or if I need to get after him - with only one brain cell functioning (so he says) his memory is a little short.

Then there's the furry boy, AB. He doesn't have hyperthyroid, but there are liver and kidney issues. I'm giving him canned food with extra water twice a day and adding milk thistle extract to his food to help with the liver functioning. He's mowing the food down, so he may not be noticing the milk thistle.

He's still a bit depressed without Tabby around. He's taken to sleeping on the bottom tier of a two tier cat hammock I bought for Raini and Shadow a couple years ago. He used to sleep in the living room recliner and be a bit of a pest when I was eating. Now he barely comes out of my room, except to use the litter box and eat.

I've got an appointment with our animal communicator next week. See what she can tell me about how Tabby is doing and what AB needs.

My gray ghost

My grey ghost has crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

For the last couple weeks Tabby hasn't been herself. In the last week she's been really wobbly, walking on her hind hocks (from her knees down), and her pupils weren't even. Since Sunday she's let me get close enough to pet her and pick her up without running away.

This was another of those days that when I made the vet appointment yesterday I knew I wouldn't be bringing her home. I got to hold her right up until they did the final shot. She knew I was there and I loved her.

AB is still going. We'll know tomorrow if he has hyperthyroidism for sure. I suspect he does given how much he eats despite his dental issues. I'll treat him like I did Raini - herbally and with energy work. No radiation or surgery.

I've got distractions coming in about a half hour in the form of the Jones clan. Mom and three of the girls are coming in for a concert. We'll drop the kids off at the concert and go enjoy ourselves.

I'll figure out what lessons Tabby had for me later.