Aha's

Been an interesting week.

The reduction in force layoff happened at the place I was doing software licensing at. My boss was one of the casualities, as was the idiot VP above her. I have no idea what will happen to the IT asset management project.

I emailed her hubby, so he forwarded it to her. After our last conversation where I warned her she was being set up for a fall, she started preparing this. She's ok with it as she was ready for a change. Try being a stay at home mom for a while. We will try to get together in a couple weeks when they have settled into their new schedule.

I had an interview at a local health insurance company yesterday. The IT department of 150 people has one admin and she focuses on the VP. The other six directors are having issues because they have no support. The position is from now until the end of the year, possibly longer depending on how things go. Find out next week if I get it.

As for the aha... That came about due to several things coming together. No such thing as a coincidence...

On Thursday I met with a gal who graduated two years ahead of me in high school. Neither of us us fit in due to our intuititve talents and being abused at home. She's since gone on to be a successful writer and life coach. She channeled some info for me, helped me get a better idea of what I need to be doing.

Today I went to the World Tai Chi & Qigong Day event at Normandale Community College. There were demos of different styles and breakout sessions. One of the sessions was on superconscious energy and thinking. I liked what I heard so I bought his book. When I got home I started reading it. One of the sections in the book is on goal setting.

I read that, and out of quiet of my mind came I don't set goals because if I succeed people hate me and abandon me. It's happened twice in my life, when I got my FFA State Farm Degree and when I graduated from college. I'm fine on the small things, living day to day. But on the big stuff, jobs, finances, love, I've been sabotaging myself because when I succeed people leave me.

Wow. Just wow. Huge aha. Explains a whole lot of my life.

The good news is I've realized this now, when I can still do something about it. I can work on changing the energy of this, do EFT to clear it out of my system and program in new ideas, and go forwards from here.

Tap, tap, tap

So, yeah... MIA for a while again.

Had an in-person interview for a month long (possibly longer) temp job last Thursday. They wanted to fill the position as soon as possible, have nae heard boo so I presume I didn't get it.

Saw Dr. R last week. What he is seeing in me is resistance. My level of resistance has come down from an 80-90% level while I was working down to a 30-40% level now. He thinks my resistance needs to come down even farther before a new job or contract will come forward.

How have I been working on that resistance? A method of energy psychology called meridian tapping, also know as Emotional Freedom Technique. I've known about EFT for a long time, but it never felt right to use it before now.

I've hit a place with my weight loss where I'm actually re-gaining weight. I started looking at options that I already had access to, wouldn't have to spend any money, or very little on, and could do myself. I've been using Learning Strategies paraliminals to deal with the belief issues, new options, new behaviors, etc. That's been helping some what.

So I started looking at what else was in my tool box. In one of my email accounts I came across an ad for the World Tapping Summit, which was supposed to be 11 days of tapping on different issues. I missed most of the summit, but I did pick up the book they were offering and DVD at half off. They also sent along some free ebooks on tapping in general, for weight loss and pain reduction.

I started with what the ebooks had for directions. There were a couple scripts to follow that I was able to use, then create my own scripts from there. That's helped with some of the bigger issues. Then the book and the movie showed up and gave me more ideas to work on.

Several of the things that have come up I've turned to mind mapping to help with. It seems on the big issues there is what I think is the main issue, then there are sub issues. I'm discovering there are sub and sub sub issues to the sub issues - ie a whole lotta layers. By mind mapping the top issue, then I can take each sub issue and map that out, then map out anything else that needs attention. I'm slowly whittling away at all those issues.

I've been hitting things hard one day, then taking a day or two off before going at it again. Give my brain and body time to adjust to the new normal before I clear again and make another new normal. Days I'm not tapping I'm trying to read my tai chi books and get a better handle on that. Or reading fan fiction to completely clear my head and change state.

I've also been trying tapping on the cats. Charmin still has her days of hissing any time she sees Kona. If she's in my arms when the hissing starts I start tapping on her right then and there. I can get some of the points on her, then do the rest on me. It seems to be helping with her attitude and coming out of the office.

The last couple nights I've found Charmin sleeping out on the couch. Came out of a really bad dream about a cat this morning, couldn't see Kona so I went searching for Charmin and there she was. She let me pet her and started purring as the tears came along with the sneezing & allergy fit. She was still on the couch when I got up this morning.

One thing that has been annoying with the tapping and paraliminals is that I'll have an emotional breakthrough and/or connection on something and my body will go into a sneezing fit and allergy attack. I'll have the aha moment, within a minute I'll start sneezing, then my left eyeball starts itching and my nose runs. I don't get it.

Well, on some level I do. I have used dis-ease, primarily allergies, to get me out of things in the past. The fuel oil reaction was in response to my first long term relationship crumbling. The corn intolerance developed after Mom died. The wheat intolerance may have developed early on in response to my inability to communicate my needs or that communication and needs being ignored.

Throw in a death wish, that I wasn't supposed to even be born this time around and bam, you got a doozy to deal with. One piece of the puzzle at a time.