More changes

Time for my monthly update.

I picked up a contract a couple weeks ago that will run for at least the next eight weeks at higher than my normal rate. That's because it's for the same female VP I worked for last November. Yes, the one who within minutes of meeting me emailed HR that I wasn't going to work out, then sucked up to me when I left.

The reason I'm back is the woman she hired as her admin quit. The admin couldn't take the BS and the pressure of the VP's judgements and backstabbing, not to mention arranging things for the VP's son's prom, birthday and graduation.

For me this time around it's about judgement and compassion. It's about her judgement of me, that even in asking to bring me back, she told HR that I was not to be considered for the full time position. It's also about my judgements of her, of how she looks at the world given her upbringing and life. Most of all, it's about my own judgements of myself.

One thing that has continued to come up over my lifetime is that I'm not good enough. This VP throws that into my face so squarely I can't avoid it. At the same time I have other admins who are looking at what I know, how fast I'm picking things up, and they are amazed at what I can do. On one hand I have someone who believes I'm not good enough to work for her long term, and she's unwise enough to put it in an email I can easily find. On the other hand I have people who are amazed at what I know and can do, and many more people who do know what I can do, and can see the potential I can't.

Who do I believe? This is one case where the majority outweighs the few, or the one.
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Had a few other things go my way. My next door neighbor had been griping about getting things cleaned up now that the new siding is up and the gas lines have been installed for the grills. I built a small concrete block extension onto my patio slab so I could put a gas grill out there. In cleaning that up, I had to move the air conditioner I've had sitting outside for the last eight years. I plugged the unit in and it worked! I asked for some help to get it installed, and we did, right before the boiling heat wave hit. I was able to keep the place cool enough so I could sleep.

Now, if I can just get out of my own way when it comes to tai chi...