Lessons and reflections

I'm not fond of mirrors for a myriad of reasons. Some, yes, are due to my current body size and being overweight for 35 of my 43 years. Others are due to the metaphysical implications of mirrors and their meaning.

Metaphysical mirrors seem to be almost everywhere I look lately. Then again, if the only tool you have is a hammer, everything you see is a nail.

So what's the latest mirror? Tabby and AB. I spent an hour with Jodi the animal communicator Saturday morning. AB is winding down. His mind is still clear, his body is starting to fail him. He's been wobbly, his appetite is still good, needs more fluids. We're headed to the vet in an hour because when he purrs I can hear the mucus rattling in his lungs.
At this point all I can do is keep him comfortable. Saturday night he scared me because he just couldn't get comfortable. He'd be on my lap, couldn't sit still, jump down, want back up but couldn't make the jump himself. He was hurting and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. He's got maybe a month left, if that.

Tabby I couldn't have helped if I'd wanted to. Somewhere along the way she was damaged pretty badly and was not about to bond with anyone. By giving her a clean, quiet space for the last 10 months of her life I did the best I could for her.

Whatever happened to her, she wasn't willing to risk bonding with anyone for fear she'd be hurt again. That's a direct reflection on what's happened with me. As Jodi pointed out, part of why I have fallen for unavailable men is that I am unavailable myself. I'm not ready for a relationship yet. When I get my ducks together internally, the external will reflect that back to me. Someone will walk into my life and want me as I am.

As John Berry's song "She's Taken a Shine" says, "She's got a different air/She's taken a shine to him/becoming the woman she's never been/all the guys are wishin' they hadn't been so blind/She's taken a shine to life/now there's a sparkle in her eyes/they all missed a gem, a diamond within/she's taken a shine..."

So it's back to work on the list of what I need to have in the man in my life. The Boy reflected a lot of the good in me, helped me see and realize what I want. I was cleaning out a tablet to separate out my house ideas from my crocheting patterns and came across a list I'd written a year or two ago of the traits I want in a man. The Boy had all of those traits. What I had forgotten to list was legally available. In the next couple days I'll post my list of what I need/want in my male companion - let the Universe know I'm working my way to being ready for him.

Along the way I need to let go of things. Hence Tabby, and soon AB's, leaving my life. Let them go with grace and ease. I get the lessons they had for me, now they can move on to help others.

Some pets, however, seem to stay with me for lifetimes. I asked about Raini, and she's still hanging around. Evidently we've been doing this since ancient Egyptian times. Makes me wonder what has caused her to stay in cat form - why not evolve as I have? Figure it out when I go back to spirit.

Work on other stuff continues. I'm cranking on a wedding afghan. I'm now more than half done with it. I want to get it done so I can get it in to a gal at my former workplace - make a day of it to do lunch with her and check in on the boys doing my job.
Once that's done, I need to experiment with some baby afghans. I found a star pattern I like, but I want to modify it to fill in between the arms. If it works on the baby afghans, then I'll use that pattern for my kids' graduation afghans. First one is due by Memorial Day next year (aack - when did that happen?).

One thing at a time.