Yeah...

I sometimes don't remember how physically and emotionally draining exposing myself can be.

Not many know the full story of my second suicide attempt, let alone my first at 13. When your mom laughs at you when you're trying to tell her about the first six years after it happened, I stopped telling my parents what was really going on in my life. I didn't tell mom about the second until three years later when I took her up to Lake Hattie for a week. Most of my family isn't aware of those incidents - they will be now.

What it comes down to is that in letting go of my excess weight, I need to let go of my past. That means telling people how things went down in my version of reality, and being brutally truthful about my perspective of living with my parents. Some won't know what to think, others will claim it was nothing like that, how could I lie about such good people? My reply: You didn't live with them, you didn't see and experience what was going on. What you believe and what I know are two different things. Besides, your opinion of me is none of my business.

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Yes, I am tired. Busy morning, trying to get Chael ready to get his oil changed. Biggest hurdle was getting gas into his carbs so he could actually start. Once the fuel was flowing, he rolled right over like it was November 5, not five plus months later. We rolled down to the gas station, put in new fuel, filled the tires up to the correct pressure and headed for Fridley.

Took at bit to get his oil changed. Both service guys were a couple people deep when I got there about 10:30. A couple people were screamers about how past service issues had been handled, and a couple long winded people on the phone didn't help matters any, either. Finally got the bike in, and I sat and read while the work was done.

What would have been a $75 oil change I got for the price of a new oil filter, $13, and a new license plate holder, $18. Chael's plate is ripped on the right corner, and it's just easier to put a plate frame on it than fight with getting a new plate from the state. Next winter, I'll do that when I get his tabs.

Once out of there, we rolled down to Micro Center to get a free 2 gig USB drive, then came home. Had lunch, jumped in Taez and got groceries at both Cub and Fresh and Natural. Came home, put the food away, and have been ready to take a nap ever since.
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Saw Dr. R last night instead of Dr. M. R was commenting on how my body has shifted shape, literally and figuratively. It's easier for him to tell what's going on with my muscles in my back. The PT exercises have made a difference back there, even as they cause more muscle aches. He found a couple interesting spots under my rib cage that had air pockets in them, and were crunchy. My feet are also really tipping outward, so I'm walking on the outside edge of my feet.

I'm on the right track. Having insurance pay for this helps a lot. It's under the guise of healing from an accident that I'm now seeing as no accident at all. I had asked for a way to help myself without too much out of pocket expenditure, and I got it. Next insurance check I'm getting a heart rate monitor for my walks, and maybe invest in the next version of PACE.
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Tomorrow is another platelet donation. This one I am intending the phlebotomist does the needle sticks perfectly, that I donate 10.7 to the 11th platelets and that I'm done in under an hour.