Oh, Life, lyrics and all

As promised, the lyrics to 'Oh, Life (there must be more)'

Waves roll out
Out to sea
Tasting the saltwater
Tears upon her cheek

Morning breaks
She's not there
Who could ever find her?
Who would even care?

No one heard
No one came
No angel of mercy
Appears to know her name

Where is hope
When words fail
All the colours running
Inside when life turns pale

In the dock the boats are harboured
Where the water's cold and still
Oh life, she cries, I've lost the will

>from the bridge she sees a lifetime
Being washed upon the shore
Oh life, she cries
There must be more...

Tides roll in
Waters rise
Any chance of reason
Only clouds her eyes

Arms of grace
She won't feel
All the wounds inside her
That time can never heal

The city lights shine seaward
Swirling in a trance
Her eyes upon the water
Alone in her last dance

>from the docks the boats are leaving
As she cries into the dawn
"Oh life, i'm barely holding on"

And she sees her future falling
Till it finds the ocean floor
Oh life, she cries
There must be more

There must be more

And with the early light
She'll sail into the clear
The winds are all behind her
The hour's almost here

>from the bridge she hears the voices
Turn into a roar
Oh life she cries
There must be more

On the dock her soul is sinking
But her spirit longs to soar
Oh life, she cries
There must be more

There must be more
There must be more
Oh life I'm barely holding on

There must be more
There must be more
Oh life there must be something more
___
I don't remember much about the summer of 1998, other than this song and week after week of long hours. What I do remember is coming home the night of August 4 and just wanting to be done with all of it. I didn't think anyone would miss me, other than Raini and Shadow.

I was going to send out a final email to people I knew explaining why and saying goodbye. As things were set up, given the dial up connection I had at the time, as soon as I turned on my email the computer connected and downloaded my new email.

In that batch of emails was one from a young man named Andy. I worked with him at HD and had a pretty big crush on him. We'd gone back and forth with our friendship, because there were times when the boy drove me insane with his unwise choices. In this email he claimed that no matter what happened, he would always be my friend.

That email was the only thing that stopped me that night. It was enough to make me see what was going on, realize just how tired I was, and get the help I needed. I took some time off and drove out to Montana to stay at my brother's place at Nye to just rest and try to recover for a bit.

On the way there I stopped at Devil's Tower in Wyoming. Sitting at the base, watching climbers scaling the sides to get to the top 900 feet up, gave me a different perspective. Instead of being at the bottom of a hole, I was climbing my way up Devil's Tower. There were rope anchors already there, with people both above and below me ready to give me a hand up so I could keep climbing. And even in the darkest night, there are always stars.

When I got back, we shifted my hours so I only worked until 8 pm. That allowed me to sleep and begin to put myself back together. Two years of psychotherapy, Wellbutrin, and another year or two of coaching after my therapist quit set me on the path to where I am now.

Is life perfect, now? Hell no. I'm struggling financially like a lot of others are. My contract has been extended until October, which is no guarantee, but things are looking OK. When I work up the courage to actually go put up the flyers for The Write Support to start my resume writing business, that will be some additional income to help pay for everything I want to do.

So where is Andy now? I don't know. Like a lot of others, I booted him out of my life around the end of 2006. Yes, I could be very needy, which brought out his abusive dark side. I finally gathered the courage to call him on it because I'd had it being his friend at his convenience. I haven't heard from him since.

He played the part he was supposed to in my life. Reason, season or a lifetime. There are very few that are in my world for a lifetime, a few for a season, or a few years. The rest are a gift of the present moment and gone.

Moral of the story? We all get so caught up in our day to day lives that we forget there are others out there we haven't touched or talked to in a while. Reach out, even if it's just to smile at a stranger. You never know what a difference you could make in that person's life.