Brain run amok

Brain's a bit scattered today, trying to think some things through in between being busy.

Busy as in doing four loads of laundry, hitting the farmers market for grass fed hamburger and salad greens, Target, the grocery store, making yogurt, doing umpteen sink fulls of dishes and more. That was just yesterday. Today I cleaned some carpet spots, diced yams and beets for roasting, fried down hamburger for me and chicken for Raini, donated platelets and found the electrical adapter for my CD player. The day's not over yet, either.

Been having some strange dreams lately. There was a guy in high school, Tim, that I had a big crush on. Compared to some of the others, he treated me pretty gently. This was the second time in the last couple weeks I've dreamed about him. Not sure what's up with that, if my non-conscious mind is working through some stuff or if it's bleedthrough from a parallel universe. Or if it's because someone I've been flirting with is named Tim and that's enough resonance to surface the first one.

Tim the first I haven't seen or heard anything of since our 15th class reunion in 2000. At that point he was married with a little girl that was 3-4 years old. He didn't seem happy or comfortable that night. Not many of us were.

As for the Tim that I'm now flirting with, that's all I can do. He's the phlebotomist that gets to stick me with needles when I donate platelets, like I did today. I'm sure the Red Cross has ethics guidelines like my therapeutic coaching and massage certificates do - at least two years after I stop being a client before anything else can happen. So I give him crap about stuff, he makes cracks about my motorcycle, we chat about different stuff, and I get to sit still and watch and listen until the machine has pulled out the platelets it needs. Then I'm off until another three weeks passes.

As I was meditating this morning, the thought passed through my head - does love have to be hard work? You hear the various relationship experts stating that love is hard work, you've got to constantly work at it.

According to whom does it have to be hard? What causes me to need to follow that paradigm that being in a relationship can be hard work?

I choose to change that paradigm, that being in a loving relationship can be easy, joy-full, fun, play-full, open, easy and simple to communicate. The circumstances and situations around us might be difficult, what's between us can be easy.

Yes, I realize, I'm not in a relationship, and it's been decades since I've been in one. I get the sense that by setting that as an intention, it's something to set up from the beginning. Time will tell if anyone will have the guts to play with me and find out.
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As for me being tired, Dr. M thinks it has to do in part with the frequency of my platelet donations. He thinks it's taking too much out of me to be donating every three weeks. Makes my bone marrow work too hard to pump out that many platelets and plasma in such a short time. See what happens, if I'm as tired this round as I have been previously.

Off to my post donation nap.