Running...

Some days it feels like I'm running in circles, or stuck on a hamster wheel.

Put in 18 hours of overtime last week trying to catch up and stay ahead of what's going on at work. Had 10 hours on the weekend, plus Monday, Wednesday and Thursday nights. I've got to put in some time today as well. Do it at home where I've got only a cat or two to distract me, not more than a few idiots running around.

Yes, the money is nice. I got both my quarterly bonus and 10 hours OT on the paycheck Thursday. My check was almost double what it normally is. Means I can catch up on a few bills, pay things ahead. I'll be able to pay the mortgage out of next week's check and still have money left over. Sweet.

As for the four footed distractions... AB has finally warmed up to me. He's been funny this week, in that he's been doing laps around the living room. He'll start out in his usual corner, peek his head out around the couch and look at me. Then he'll quickly slink across the living room to behind the love seat, walk behind my recliner, then try to get by the recliner on the way back to his corner. I started putting my hand down on the side of the recliner so he could smell me and get a bit of a pet on the way by.

This morning he decided to come out from under the end table next to my recliner. With a little encouragement he hopped up on my lap and let me pet him for a half hour. Then he whined about the litter box, so I got up and cleaned that out.

He's been purring and talking up a storm ever since. Loud freakin' purr, too.

Tabby, on the other hand, is still in hiding. I couldn't find her earlier in the week, looked in every known hidey hole. Finally looked way in the back of my closet and found her there. I scared her out yesterday and caught her. She didn't fight back. She was panicked, so I just held and soothed her as best I could, then let her go.

Now that AB is OK with me, I'm hoping he'll talk to Tabby and let her know I'm OK, too.

The martial arts/self defense class is going OK. Sifu gave us an idea yesterday about how to practice elbow and other strikes. He suggested tying a whiffle ball to a string and hang it in a doorway. Then you can adjust the height of the whiffle ball to give you a different place to strike at. He also noted that some boxers have used the technique to improve their dodging skills. Start the whiffle ball moving, then shadow box and move as the whiffle ball comes back at you.

Had a rather sad moment during the class as well. Sifu asked us to move to the mirror to understand how one of the elbow strikes works. Watching myself in the mirror doing the strike was humbling. I had the strike down, but looking at just how big my body really is hurt.
Body perception is WAY off. What size I see myself as and what I saw in the mirror were two very different things. Yes, it's a goad to get me to really push myself during my workouts. I don't want to be this body any longer. It took me time to get here, it will take me time to get to 175.

My chats with my martial arts co-worker continue. The chats have been insightful enough that with some of my well gotten gains I've purchased a LiveScribe pen. It can record conversations or meetings as you take notes. That will be handy for classes I take. It also means that I can unobtrusively record my conversations with him so I can collect the knowledge he's imparting on me.

I asked him if he and his dad were thinking about writing an e-book to put on their website. It's something he wants to do, just hasn't made it a priority yet. I also asked if they had ever taught any self-defense classes, and they have. It's been a while - the early 1990's - since they did one, and they need to update their stats, etc. I may suggest he bring it up to the Wellness Center about teaching the class at work.

No matter where he teaches it, I'll be there. I'll also drag my nieces with as well. Wouldn't hurt them to learn how to defend themselves.

So, time get get moving. I need to upgrade the OS on my Mac so I can use the LiveScribe. I need to do all the usual Sunday stuff like washing clothes and dishes and making lunch and supper for the week. And once I get things rolling, perhaps record a deep trance identification script as well.

New kids

The new kids are doing OK, far as I can tell. Most of the time I find them camped out under/behind the end table I have in my prosperity corner.

AB's been funny today. He'll sneak behind the couch, slink by my recliner, then walk over by the door and peek at me as I've been washing dishes and making yogurt. He'll sit there and watch me do my thing. The moment I move out of the kitchen he's gone.

When I was having my lunch of baked chicken and grapefruit, he was sniffing around my chair. I slowly put my hand down where he could smell the chicken. Sniffed my fingers, did a bit of a head butt against my hand. When I went to pet him, poof, gone again.

Haven't seen much of Tabby girl. I'm presuming she's under my bed, though I haven't look there today. She still spooks really easy. She's the one that will take the longest to warm up.

It's like they've gone back to being wild. They've had so little human contact that they are afraid to let someone in again. That's what Jodi picked up Wednesday night.

I can sympathize, I know all too well about letting people in again. In some ways the three of us are much alike - can we learn to trust and let others in and still be safe? It may be aloof of me, but I'll let them come to me when they are ready.

Can I do that in my own life? Do I reach out or sit back? Do I trust and hope I'm treated with respect and gentleness? Or do I expect the worst, which is what I've gotten in the past?

Yeah, the cats and I are in much the same pickle.
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Been a busy weekend. Work is piling up to the point I don't have a choice but to put in overtime. Acrobat was added to my plate on top of already having a full workload. The things I need to get done for Project and Visio have to wait until I get done with the Acrobat stuff.

I'll be taking over more of the Acrobat stuff come Tuesday. My boss met with with the VP of risk management about Acrobat and how poorly its been handled. Acrobat will be taken away from the person who has been handling it on Monday. Tuesday we need to come up with a new communications plan, communicate to all the people I've previously worked with and do this the right way.

The person and his boss who flubbed it up will be unhappy about it. The boss FUBAR'd the Vista rollout, so I'm not surprised this went belly up.

So, yeah, I'll take the overtime. Ten hours last week, I've already put in 7 so far between yesterday and today, and I know it will be long hours this week. How long will I have to keep this up? Not sure. Depends on how swamped I get, how far behind I am.
At the moment I should be working, however I keep getting kicked off the VPN. I'll give it another 10-15 minutes and try it again. Too much to do to be goofing off.

The money can go towards a trip to Boston with my oldest niece. Thankfully AB and Tabby aren't on a schedule like Shadow was, so I don't have to worry about being home at a specific time to feed them.
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Self defense class is going well. Got the instructor to myself again yesterday. I really need to work on my footwork and coordinating my hands with my hip rotations.

Got to talking with one of the guys at work that I know is into martial arts. I was about ready to pound the joker mentioned above, so I went to talk with this guy. Since he teaches tae kwon do, he knows his self defense. I was telling him about my class, had him look up the website. He likes how Sifu is teaching, and I may even be able to talk him into coming in for a class sometime. (Just listening to those two talk theory would be an education in and of itself. Watching them spar - that I would want to videotape so I could go back pick up what happened.)

He really encouraged me to ask questions. He's thinking that by asking questions, I show I'm interested. Being at every class on time, etc, shows Sifu I'm serious, so I'll start getting the little extra pointers. That I can do. I'll also pick his brain every chance I get.

Then it occurred to me - I'm a certified therapeutic coach, why not do a deep trance identification on both Sifu and my co-worker. Pull in the years of skills they have, the muscle memory, the theory and practice. Pull those into my being, then integrate them so I can make use of what they know and do.

One more thing to add to the to do list.

When one door closes...

Another one opens.

In this case, as the door closed on Shadow's life, I was able to open a door for two more that most likely been euthanized at the Humane Society.

Meet Tabby, 14, on the left, and AB, 15, on the right.

And yes, there is more than a passing resemblance between AB and Shadow. AB is a lithe little boy, more refined than Shad.

Someone here on LJ saw what their mom had posted on Freecycle and posted it in the Twin Cities group. I saw it Friday night and offered. Got the email address, emailed mom, told her I could take both of them. The above photo is from her.

Went down after my martial arts class Saturday afternoon to pick them up. They had AB already crated, Tabby was hiding and didn't want to come out. So I brought AB home Saturday and told mom we could meet up on Sunday to get Tabby home. She came home Sunday night.

Right now both are very skittish. AB at least will come out, slink by me to use the litter box or get something to eat. Tabby will do neither while I'm awake or here. They are content to hide under and behind an end table at the end of the couch. I figure they will come out when they need attention. Otherwise, nary a squeak out of either of them.

I've got an appointment with my favorite animal communicator for tomorrow night. I want to let them know they are safe and loved here, and that they can ask Raini and Shad about how well I took care of them. I also want to check in on those two, especially Shadow, to see why she manifested cancer in her body when she didn't need to.

Other than that, I'm on week one of what I expect will be a journey towards me getting in and staying in shape. I'm aiming for 175 pounds, which may seem a bit high for a 5'6" woman. My lean muscle mass is already 140, so by adding 10-20 pounds of muscle, I can easily be at 175 with enough body fat to keep my cycle going.

The 175 goal is due to my platelet donations. I have to be at 175 or above to continue to donate triples every three weeks. Something about the amount of plasma they have to pull out. Add muscle, remove fat, I hit 175 and then I stay there.

My plan is to do body weight calisthenics Monday and Friday, PACE cardio on Tuesday and Thursday, kettlebells on Wednesday and martial arts on Saturday. Sunday's my day off. Should be enough variety that I don't get bored, cause I'm changing the exercises every 4 weeks for the calisthenics, cardio changes go from 4 to 6 to 8 weeks.

Well, kids, time to toddle off to bed. I have a presentation tomorrow where I go over in detail what I've been doing for the last year. Formatting bullet points in Word sucks. If I can get in early and get some peace and quiet I should be able to finish it up by 10.

RIP Shadow

The second worst day of my life is here. I had to euthanize Shadow this morning.


I noticed after I got back from New Year's that she smelled funny and was drooling. She wouldn't let me look in her mouth. Finally made time this morning to get to the vet. The vet opened her mouth and found that most of her lower jaw was consumed with cancer. I wasn't about to put her through more pain.

This is another one of those that I knew when I took her in this morning that I would not be bringing her home alive.

The house is going to be really quiet now. Well, except for the neighbor and his loud music. No more waking up at 3 am to her howling/toning, trying to get the energy to move for me. Or 5:30 am to get me to feed her.

Shad and I didn't always get along. She was a diva brat, right up there along with the worst of the human divas. She hissed and growled at everything she wasn't happy with. She growled at life in general right up to when the sedative finally kicked in.

As much as I hated her at times, I still loved her and will miss her.

Rest in peace, Shadow. Go play with Raini, Duke and Poochie at the Rainbow Bridge, and I will be there eventually.

I like Wednesdays

Quiet evenings, that's why.

Other than kettlebells kicking my butt and back. Hey, at least I'm continuing with it. Third set of 8 weeks.
I was also in the wellness center Monday night working on my footwork, did a bit of ladders with the kettlebells and stretched.

In my digging around the house I found some David Carradine videos I'd picked up in the early 90's. One is on kung fu, the other tai chi. The kung fu video has a great stretching routine that I need to get into the habit of doing. I know everything is tight - part of the reason why my back hurts during kettlebells. Get things loose and moving again and I'll be in better shape.

I finally figured out how to connect my VCR and DVD/HDD work together so I can move these videos to DVD. I moved the kung fu video on Sunday, I'll work on the tai chi this weekend.

I continue to have interesting conversations with my co-worker about his energy thievery. We got into it a bit yesterday and that conversation left me in limbo as to whether or not I can ever get through his thick skull. Today, different ball game. Talked to him for almost an hour this morning trying to figure out why Visio wasn't loading on someone's computer, then we got sidetracked on other work issues. Caught up with him around 3 and had another interesting conversation. That one was prompted because another female co-worker had talked to him about something where he came off as an arrogant son, as we were talking about her gifted child and her latent abilities she's afraid to use.

This one got a bit closer to where I wanted to head. I told him yet another person came to me about how I deal with him. He admitted it might take him a couple days to a couple weeks to get through his head what he's doing. I told him I'd nicknamed that part of him the Hulk because it's so much bigger than him, or him as a 7 foot, 400 pound linebacker. He liked that idea because he was a linebacker, center and nose tackle on his high school's football team. The conversation rapidly deteriorated from there, it feels like I'm making progress.

The conversation with the mother of the gifted child was interesting. We'd had a meeting about what I'm doing, talked about what I'm seeing with ITAM, etc. As we were coming back to our floor, I told her about my massage therapy and running and teaching energy work, and the questions just started coming.

Her oldest son is 7, and since he was little he's talked about the lights that have kept him up at night. He's not afraid of them, but he does get nightmares. He's also tapped in to past lives, where he was his mom's grandfather. Mom, of course, is a bit unsettled by it because she has latent talents that she's not acknowledging. For me, this stuff is completely normal, and I told her that I'd be more than willing to come out and talk with her son about it. Let him know it's OK, there are adults who have these gifts as well and use them. And maybe along the way mom will start owning her own talent and developing it.

Where to start?

Yes, we're almost 10 days into 2010 and I'm just now sitting down to post for the first time in almost three weeks. Been busy, what can I say?

Work continues. My contract has been extended out to the end of April and I suspect will be extended again after that. I'm no where near done with what needs to be done for Project and Visio, let alone having Acrobat and Visual Studio also added to the pile. I suspect my blogging time may get shorter as the prospect of overtime soon approaches. I'm almost at max capacity now with 40 hours, adding more to the pot means more hours. My boss is aware of it and may be able to leverage that into adding another person.

The holidays were ok. Got to spend Christmas day with Dominik clan, then went out to Jones clan for New Year's. I did take the second oldest niece's boyfriend out with me. Good boy, kept his mouth shut on the way out and back.

The weekend was a great reminder as to why I don't have kids. There were 7 of them between 7 and 17, and all of them had some type of drama going on.

Unwittingly, I got myself in the middle of one of them by bringing the boyfriend out. The oldest has a boyfriend out in Massachusetts, so her younger sister having her boyfriend in the house hurt, a lot. I sat down with her before I left to find out what's going on. Once I got her to open up, the dam burst and it all came out.

Looks like I'll be taking a trip to Boston and Cape Cod, either in April or June. I suspect it will now be June, since their school was closed both Thursday and Friday this week, so they will lose their Easter break days off. That's OK, it gives both of us more time to save the money for plane tickets, hotel and transportation.

That also meant sitting down with the parents to explain to them what I was hearing. The oldest doesn't feel like they are listening to her, cutting her off in the middle of a thought, she loses her train of thought, gets angry and stomps off. So Aunt Beth steps in, clears the air. Now we need to hammer out some rules about how this trip is going to come together.

I can sympathize with her. She can talk to, email and text her boyfriend. The one that I care about, I can't let him know I care. He's married, his daughter is pregnant and due in March, and he doesn't yet know I know. I walk on eggshells, trying to be helpful without giving away how I feel about him.

I may not have a choice about it. I had a couple of meetings with him that left me energetically drained dry, even though I was sending him as much energy as I could. I finally called him on it, asking what he knows about energy flows. Turns out his father teaches tae kwon do, hapkido, tai chi and Qigong, and he's a tae kwon do instructor himself.

The sticking issue is the energy flows he knows are all internal - he doesn't yet know how to tap into the Universal energy source. Instead, he becomes an energy vampire and tries to suck people dry. I've had a couple people come to me and ask how I deal with him because he intimidates people with his intensity. I told him that, and he's a bit baffled.

Now I need to teach him how to tap into that Universal energy source. In telling him the story of how I know what I know, he may figure it out. Then again, he may not.

Meanwhile, he's given me a key to helping me let go of the weight. After I learned about his martial arts training, something in me clicked. I was emailing back and forth with P Monday morning, and about the same time we came up with the same conclusion. My body will let go of the weight as I learn how to defend and protect myself. That means going back to the martial arts, specifically kung fu.

Why kung fu? It's what calls to me. Blame it in part to Kung Fu: The Legend Continues and my lusting after Chris Potter. I did learn a few things from the show, and it brought into my life some books and tapes that I'm now digging out because I need them.

I'm also signing up for classes. This place follows the old traditions of not having belts and degrees, much like the Shaolin temple does things. You progress at your own pace and get what you need. I went to class today and was the only one there, so I got Sifu Naylor all to myself. We worked on basic footwork, basic handwork, a bit of self defense. There are three others in the class, two of which will be out for the next month or so. Looks like I started at a good time.

Bummer

I should have suspected something was up when Jones clan kids didn't remember to ask off for this weekend. And when their projector went kaput.

Whomever runs the party room rentals for my building either never got my check or completely blew off my reservation, because no one got a hold of me to get me the party room key. So I've called several places to see if I could find someone to get me in, no joy.

Then Jones clan called, they started out for the cities. Hwy 7 was crap, so they turned around and went home.

No holiday party. I was so looking forward to this. Spent $95 to rent a projector that now won't even come out of it's case. I was going to get new pix of the kids and family. Bah flippin' humbug.

Trying to reschedule is going to be a treat. G has Knowledge Bowl and speech tournaments most Saturdays right through my birthday, so Sundays are still an option. Question is when. Try it again, see what happens.

At least I got to see Dominik clan Christmas night for supper, and I'm going out to see Jones clan to sew cloaks on Thursday, so not a total loss.

So, I suppose, back to work. More like actually get the work I was supposed to be doing done.

Happy eve of Xmas Eve

Normally I'd say bah humbug right about here. Not feeling it quite so bad this year. Blame it on me being in lust.

Work continues to be a merry go round in things not getting done on time. I had to chew out both the packager and the SCCM boys today because they weren't playing well together. Since they are so much alike, they tend to point fingers at each other when something goes wrong. Shadow effect in full force between those two.

I made it very clear this morning when I sent out a meeting notice that no finger pointing was allowed and that I wanted answers and fixes. To say I was peeved at them is an understatement.

Anyway, meeting went better than I hoped. I've just got a lot to learn about how software is packaged, moved to SMS, then converted to SCCM. This is a side of PC's I never wanted to know. In doing software asset management, guess I'm going to have to learn. Pffftttt.

I'm looking forward to Sunday. Jones and Dominik clans are descending on my party room for the second annual DoJoKo holiday party. Dig out the Wii, put a 5 pound roast in the roaster, get some veggies and chips and dig in. It was a lot of fun last year, and will be even more interesting this year. Add in two exchange students, a boyfriend and his parents... it's gonna be a full house. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Meanwhile, a huge snow storm is headed to Minnesota. I'm hearing forecasts of anywhere from 7" to 20"+ of snow. It started sleeting around 2 when I was out and about and is supposed to snow all the way through until Saturday sometime.
As long as it doesn't top the Halloween Storm of '91's 30"+ we'll be fine. At least it will be in the upper 20's, not sub-zero.

My holiday plans? Work, other than a run to the grocery store tomorrow and a platelet donation Saturday. And the party Sunday.

Hope y'all have a good holiday. I'll post some pix of the party on Sunday or Monday.

gettin' stuff done

It's not even 1 pm and I've gotten a lot of stuff done today.
1. Washed three loads of clothes
2. Washed three loads of dishes
3. Made both regular and keifer yogurt, which are in the Nesco roaster
4. Washed out the microwave and various parts
5. Washed off the top of the stove, took the burners apart and cleaned them

I haven't stopped moving until I sat down to write this. Feels good to get some stuff done.

Might also help that I've listened to my "Get Around To It" paraliminal both yesterday and today. I listened to a couple others as well, and will again today. I've got them, might as well make use of them to help me help myself.

The cleaning bug is in part due to the fact I gave someone a copy of The Celestine Prophecy. His teenage daughter will present him with his first grandchild sometime in March. What he doesn't know, yet, is that child is a Crystal child and is going to come out asking questions. He's the closest in the family to waking up. I wasn't going to interfere until the book fell off the shelf into my hands twice, then the third time hit me on the head when I was sitting below it. Every time it fell out I thought of him. When it hit me on the head, I said OK, Universe, I get it, he needs this book. He finally walked by my desk this week so I gave it to him.

Once he reads it, he's going to have questions. I want to be able to bring him here so if he goes ballistic on learning how I know what I know, he has the space and privacy to do so. If I have control of the space, I can influence the outcome. Home turf advantage, shall we say.

In preparation for that, I re-read for the umpteenth time my copy of Celestine. There were several things I needed to be reminded of as well, things I need to work on myself. I'll work through the Tenth, Eleventh and Twelfth Insights as well.

In a way, after my hate letters, Celestine is a good place to start over again. Remind me of what I already knew and hadn't looked at in a while. Get me back on the path again, the beginner's mind.
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My kids are growing up. Granted, I didn't have the fun of making them or raising them, but they are the closest thing I have to bearing my own.

G was down earlier this week for a teacher's conference, so I met up with her. Thing 2 told her she wanted a coat like I have. G mentioned it to me, and I said yes, I'd be willing to make her a winter coat like I have that is based on the Jedi cloak.

Thing 2 then told Things 1 & 3 that I was making a cloak for her, so now they decided they want cloaks, too. I suspected that might happen. So when they come down for Christmas, we'll head for SR Harris to buy the fleece and nylon fabric for the cloaks, the buttons, thread and cord to match. The following weekend I'll head out and sew like crazy for three days to put them together.

Thankfully it's a really basic pattern with only three parts. The hardest part is that the main body and sleeve of each side are cut out of one piece - depending on how tall the person is, that piece will be between 9-12 feet long. The only seams are at the sides and back - no shoulder seams. I don't have the room to lay out anything that long or wide. Jones clan, however, has a dining room and living room where we can lay out something that long on the floor and cut it out. Then it's sewing the back and under arm seams together, adding the hood, and sewing the fleece side and the nylon sides together and sewing the bottom closed.

Then I get an email from G. One of the two oldest evidently has a boyfriend here in the Cities. She's already asked Mom and Dad if he could come visit for New Years. The trick is if I will transport said boyfriend from the Cities out to their place.
I have no problems doing that. However, to keep everything kosher and safe, I told G that I want both her and at least one of his parents in on the email chain back and forth as we make arrangements. Then his parents know how to get a hold of me if something should come up, they know I'm legitimate, etc. Can't be too safe these days, and I'd rather be up front so his parents know who I am.

So, we shall see how this works out. My babies are growing up.

The fun begins

Not.

Since the communications and the EUA's started on Monday, I have not had time to think while I've been at work. I've come home with a headache every night because I'm concentrating so hard.

This is one of those top of my head blown off headaches. Not sure if I'm not getting enough carbs to keep up with what my brain needs for glucose, or if my crown chakra had just decided to blow open.

Either way, brain fried.

Then there's the Minnesota weather to deal with. We got our first snowstorm of the season. Ugh. I can deal with the snow, it's the cold I'm not fond of. Nor the wind.

At least the drivers I was moving along with at 30-40 mph were well behaved. On the news they said between last night and 1 pm today there were 669 accidents, three deaths and 300+ simple in the ditches. That's just here in the Cities, I think. South by Rochester they got a foot or more of snow.

Sorry I'm not more talkative. I'm too tired. See if I can get some energy this weekend.

Almost a year

It's been almost a year I've been working on this software licensing project. This year has gone by quickly, and in some respects its hard to believe it's taken this long to get to the point where we can start communicating and removing software.

We overhauled the EUA, so it's simple for the end user. The communications have been overhauled for the umpteenth time. The Visio Viewer is in progress of being advertised to the whole company. It's a mad dash to Tuesday when everything goes live.

Fifty-one weeks to get to this point. I didn't think it would take this long. When you don't have an idea of what you're doing, it's an uphill learning curve. The next one will be easier, because we've already done it once. The third will be a refinement of the process, going faster and easier.

So, we'll see what happens as the communications go out. See how many howl, how many come up with licenses, how many don't notice what's going on until their software goes missing.
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The Monday night before Thanksgiving I finally got an appointment with the animal communicator. What should have been a reading on Shadow ended up being commentary on me.

Turns out I'm not the only one with a cat that howls at all hours of the day and night. J did some asking and got back that the howls are in fact the cat's way of 'toning' to help us humans move out negative energy.

I do admit, I was stuck in a pretty bad rut. Most of my 'stories' were negative, angry rants at my parents, my ex-boyfriend from 22 years ago, my half siblings, etc. She called me on it, asked me to write a letter to each person finally voicing all the things I've not been able to tell them. Get it all out on paper, she said, before it eats you alive.

Then I remembered Louise Hay and her story about her vaginal cancer. Cancer is the anger literally eating away at you. Mom died from her cancer, her anger at her life gone wrong.

So I wrote some very hate-full letters. I cried tears that burned my eyes. My throat didn't want to work. As the week went on and I wrote more letters, my runny nose turned into sinus infection that went into my lungs. She told me to burn the letters the night before the full moon - Tuesday night.

When I'd written all I could, I burned the letters Tuesday night. I forgave myself for choosing this family. I forgave my parents yet again for their addictions and their lack of care. I forgave my siblings for not being there when I needed them. I forgave the ex-boyfriend for his transgressions.

I'm catching myself earlier when I start down a path. I clear myself with a vortex of divine white light before I come into the house at night, and before I go to sleep. I clean Shadow with another white light vortex, so she doesn't have to tone at night. I call in the archangels to clean the house and the whole floor of the building I work in of any negative energies, negative entities, negative thoughts or thought patterns.

I can tell a difference when I walk on to the floor. It feels lighter, better. There seems to be a bit more harmony in the department. Time will tell.

This week

What have I been up to this week?

It's been a tough week for most people, I believe. How am I coming to that conclusion? Couple things come to mind. Shadow has been up and hollering at 3 am most every morning except today. I almost threw her against the wall on Friday morning because she just would not shut up.

With her being up, that meant I was up, which equals me being tired and crabby. Not a good combo for me.

Work... ugh. The EUA finally got finished, only to have it turn out to be a disaster. I didn't know it had gone live until someone from the Support Center got a hold of me. It was ugly, people didn't understand it, and the woman who created it never cleared it with me before it went live. The she said she couldn't change it. Our communications person went to the project manager for the new system to see if there was anything he could do. We sat down with that team for a half hour and banged out some changes and got the EUA taken out of production. The systems team is going to make some back end changes that will make it easier for the general public to do the EUA and won't stress the Support Center.

Then I get a service request about putting Visio on Citrix boxes. That is just a bad idea with an audit waiting to happen. I find out someone already approved putting Project out on Citrix without approval. The guy running the Citrix boxes told me his group isn't the licensing police. I shot back that I am the licensing police for ALL platforms and I'm not about to let Visio on a Citrix box until I have the full details of what's already out there with Project. That got me some cooperation, but my boss and I still need to sit down and figure out how to deal with it.

Given how things are going, I'm going in to work next Friday. The building is open and I should have the entire floor to myself. I can listen to music without headphones, I won't have to put up with the boys and their bickering, and I should be able to get some work done. Some of the stuff I want to do has to be done in the office - the VPN is way too slow.

On the personal front, other than being bone weary tired and crabby, I've had a few aha's. After my peer-to-peer coaching last week, I realized how many values I have that are conflicting. The scope of those value conflicts clarified during meditation this morning.

The values conflicts group into four main areas: finances, time management, love and food. They also sub-group, in that finances are dependent on time management, and food is dependent on love. The majority of the issues I'm dealing with fall under those four categories or the sub-groups.

I'm thinking I want to mind map each area. Plot out what my self talk is about the various areas, see if I can find the conflicts so they can be resolved. I suspect if I put the four of them together there will be areas of overlap that may point to a central issue. Deal with the central issue, pull the pin on it, it goes away and the rest falls into place.

I'll putz with that tomorrow between doing some syntopic PhotoReading and doing the rest of the usual weekend chores.

I'm looking forward to sleeping in for four days in a row. I need the break. Even with working from home on Thanksgiving - I'm on my own this year - and going in on Friday, it's a break. No real schedule to deal with.

That's my week in a nutshell.

I had all these great ideas...

And now I'm not remembering them. Go figure.

Where to start? Work. EUA still isn't up and running. The gal finally got to starting it this week, but it won't be tested and actually up and running until sometime next week. The director and finance manager know the reason why it's not ready yet, so they can't yell at me.

Had an incident with one of the boys on Wednesday. Tuesday morning he and a female coworker were talking about some of the inappropriate emails his uncle and father in law sent to his work email. One of the things he said horrified me and left me wondering if he has the balls to say that knowing I'm not 10 feet away, what is saying behind my back?

I stewed on it for a day, then made up my mind to confront him on it. I told my boss about my idea of peer to peer coaching, and she said go for it. I figured she didn't need the details, just that I was doing it.

I emailed him that we needed to have a private conversation. He got back to me asking for a specific time, which was fine with me. He actually cut a meeting short by a half hour to get to me sooner.

On the way to finding a room, I told him I saw him as a wet behind the ears puppy, because he's just turning 28, either last Sunday or tomorrow. Once in there, I told him it was his conversation Tuesday morning that had me concerned. He apologized several times, stating that he didn't remember what he said but that he felt bad for making inappropriate comments. I told him about situational awareness, being aware of who's around you and thinking about what you say before you say it. I also told him about the shadow effect and made it a point to use several of his Republican heroes and how they have fallen as examples.

We ended up talking for an hour about several different subjects. He wants to be a leader on the team, to some day be a manager like our boss is. I told him about my leadership experience and that I would be willing to share some different things with him to help him along. I also told him about my empathic and healing talents, along with the coaching, and that looking at the therapeutic coaching program would help him.

It was an interesting conversation, and I think I got through to him. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when he talked about it with his wife. I can just imagine what he's said to the rest of the boys.

Friday I was at the Women Venture conference. The first break out session of the day was good - Robert Stephens, the founder of Geek Squad. He talked about how he uses Twitter and other social media to keep in contact with his ever growing team. There were several other things he said that I think I can use with the boys.

The second session I should have skipped and gone to something more interesting. Lunch, however, brought things back on track. The main speaker was Marilyn Carlson Nelson, former CEO and current board chair of Carlson Companies (think Radisson, TGI Friday's, Country Inns and Suites, etc). She had a lot of good things to say, along with some statistics that hit home. She also did a bit of a round table with Sen. Amy Klobuchar and Gloria Perez, CEO of the Jerimiah Project.

Since I got out early, I did a bit of shopping on the way home. I've needed new jeans for a while, so I stopped at the store where I've gotten the best fit - ie the inseam is the right length. The store has gone to shaped jeans, based on if you're boxy, curvy or in between. I qualify as curvy, so I started with a pair of what I thought would fit. Get into the dressing room, get them on. They are TOO big. OK, so I go back out to find the next size down, none on the shelf. Clerk says try the next size down, if they are too tight we can order the next size up.

So I go try on what I think is going to be too small. Pull them on - they fit. Perfectly. O. M. G! That's two pants sizes down from what I have been wearing. So, do I chalk it up to actually being smaller, or do I chalk it up to being in a differently fitted jean? Split the difference, I'm still down two sizes.

While I was there I also spotted a burgandy shirt. The red hued shirts I do have are starting to wear out - the polo has holes in the sleeve ribbing, the sweater has a couple snags in it, and the chamois shirt is for winter only. This one is a good color on me - bright or fire engine red makes me look like a huge zit. This color I can wear.

To make it a good shopping trip, the store even had a 30% off sale going on. What should have been over $120 I got for $89.

And while I was out, I also got passport photos taken. My passport expired in March, just have not made time to get it renewed. Now that I have the photos, just gotta spend the $75 to get it done. Never know when I might need to pick up and get out of Dodge.

A good weekend

Well, I've gotten a few things done this weekend. Thanks to P being up in Forest Lake yesterday, I was able to run Chael up to where I wanted to store him and get a ride home. With Chael safely tucked away for the winter, today I got the rest of the garage cleaned up so I could get Taez in.

Here's the before:



Here's the after:



I hauled out two contractor garbage bags full of junk. It's amazing what piles up in almost 13 years of being in the same space.

Now Taezen is parked in the garage. There's space for me to get out of my door, there's plenty of room for the other guy to get in and out of his car, and his passenger can get out as well. I marked the drywall so I know how far in to go - when the outside rearview mirror is even with the mark, there's a foot of space in front and about a foot between the trailer hitch and the garage door. I also marked the front middle of the space, so I know about where to aim Taez's nose.

Ahh, no more scraping windows or trying to get the inside of the windshield to defrost.

While I was at it, I also fixed the door. For the last couple years it's been really hard to shut the inside garage door. I took a good look at it today and figured out why - some dumbass moved the strike plate in a quarter of an inch. Since I know how to use tools so well, I pulled out the screws, re-drilled the holes and moved the plate back to where it should be. Now it will be easy to close the door.

Of course, no good deed goes unpunished. In putting stuff back together, my back has reminded me that it's been pulled. A couple weeks ago in kettlebells my back started hurting really bad - enough that I was crying. Not that I let the instructor see that... So when I saw Dr. R Thursday night, I asked. I've pulled the muscles that run right along side the spine. Moving things around partially un-did what I had accomplished since Thursday.

Now I need to order some Bio-Freeze and use that before kettlebells to help keep my back loose so I don't injure it any further. I need to take care of me before I can take care of anyone else.

TGIF

This has been a better day than most. There was some brain bending work trying to get the MSDN subscriptions to match up with the Visio licensing. Found out the EUA process won't be worked on until Monday, which pushes everything back until late next week. Other people aren't responding to email requests for assistance to do an end run around a stick in the mud.

The drive in was interesting. One of the radio stations is sponsoring the Kiss concert tomorrow night, so Gene Simmons was on. One song in particular got my attention: God gave us rock 'n roll. It almost came off as a gospel version of Kiss, which is just such a contradiction. Didn't hear my song before I got out of Taez, darn. A couple of them did stick in my head most of the day.

Not much for plans for the weekend. I need to get Chael into storage so I can put the garage back together so Taez can go in the garage. Thankfully P is going up to Forest Lake to see some friends tomorrow afternoon. I can run Chael up to the Fridley Hitching Post and store him there. She can pick me up on the way back. Works well. Come next spring I can hit up one of my team mates to pick me up on their way in to work and I can ride Chael home.

My contract was extended. For now it's to the end of the year. My boss and I were talking about it today. She wants to hire me. It has to happen some time in the next year, as the company has a two year contract limit, then you need to take 60 days off before you can come back again.
She believes that what I've been doing so far has proven they can't do it without me. She has a meeting next week with the director, the other manager and the HR dude to talk about what things are going to look like personnel wise. She needs to start planning for budgets now, as the fiscal year is late April, not calendar year.

That would be way cool to be hired on as IT asset management. That pays much better than an admin does. And given all the things I'm getting my fingers into... Active Directory group management, secure AD group, actually getting in there and messing with structure... I should probably ask the guys if they have any books I can Photoread so I don't mess things up.

Now I'm just waiting for G to get back so we can discuss holiday plans and get D clan involved as well.

where'd October go?

Time seems to be moving faster the older I get. Wasn't yesterday September?

Where am I at, what am I up to? Well, still playing with the shadow work. I finally sat down yesterday between doing laundry and making yogurt and watched The Shadow Effect. It's a good documentary on the current state of affairs from both a personal and world perspective.

The second disc was what I was really after. The second disc is all of what's on the first. The bonus is that she stops at different places and asks some pretty thought provoking questions. I'm not all the way through the second disc yet, it takes some time to think about what she's asking and writing it all down.

A couple places made me cry. The one that physically hurt the worst was the forgiveness section. My eyes were fine before and after I cried, but during that segment my tears hurt my eyes. Leaves me wondering how toxic those tears were, given how I reacted and how bad they hurt.

My buttons have been pushed a lot in the last two weeks. We're getting closer to removing Project and Visio and are still hammering things out as we go. One of the issues has been getting me a specific bucket set up for software licensing. One gal is holding up the process, really defending her territory. In doing so she's managed to push my buttons on anger, fear and a couple others. I've had to do other things in order to give my mind a break, then go back to figuring out what was causing those buttons to react. Once I figured it out, I could do the things she needed done so her territory would be kept safe.

I sat down with P a couple weeks ago to figure some things out. The story kept circling around until the noose was set and either I said it or else. The good part is, I don't remember much of what I said, other than doing a conversion of the steel suit of armor to the super spider silk that can stop 4 mm rounds. Trade the weight that doesn't do much for me for something more fitting and flexible and can still protect me.

Then, of course, I get woke up with nightmares of my voice being ripped out of my throat. In the dream someone put a black bag over my head, so I tried to scream. Nothing came out. In the back of my head I heard something about light, so I cranked up the inner light in my belly and expanded that to drive back the darkness. That was a sure sign the house shields needed to be reinforced/replaced.

Time change still has both Shadow and I out of whack. Shad wanted breakfast at 4:30 this morning and would not shut up about it. I held her off until 5. We'll have to work towards 5:30 breakfast for her, only in four months we'll be back to this schedule. Bah.

So, that's what I've been up to. Crochet a bit. Read through the latest Kris Longknife book, twice. Read another book in another series. Figure out what's going on in my head and body. That's enough to keep me busy and out of trouble.

Shadow work

I've been off doing some more shadow work. It's actually kind of fun, making a list of all the things I hate or dislike about other people, knowing full well that what I don't like in them is what I don't like in myself.

It's been kind of freeing, actually. Like this morning during our team meeting, I took a broadside potshot at the guy who needs to pull together three SCCM reports for me. I sent the service request to him August 26, he finally accepted it September 8, and now here it is October 19 and he's just now starting work on it after the potshot during the meeting today.

I have cut him some slack the last two weeks because A) his wife had two discs in her neck removed and three vertebrae fused, so he had to work from home for 10 days, and then B) his pregnant daughter caught H1N1 and ended up airlifted to a hospital downtown because she ended up with severe pnumonia, couldn't keep anything down, etc.

The fact remains is that he's had several weeks to work on this and has not. I needed those reports two weeks ago, he put them off, he's fair game for the potshot. I worded it like, 'We're about ready to rip Project and Visio off system, but I'm waiting on SMS and SCCM reports because I'm working with months old data.' He got the public hint and sent me an email that he would be working on it after he got his daughter home from the hospital today and would have at least one to me by EOD tomorrow.

The other thing that has made this fun is that my boss is buying into this. She asked me to come up with a presentation about shadow work, both from the perspective of the guys not knowing I do this, and to get them to own up to the incessant whining, backstabbing, etc that goes on with this bunch.

I have the presentation plotted out in a mind map - I had time today since I was waiting on the reports. I've got some music in mind, a video clip from Torchwood: Children of Earth I'd like to use, the structure, the blindside, etc. The boys aren't going to know what hit them.
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Got some work done in the garage this weekend. The board has decided now to have some new sheetrock put in the garages. That means that everything has to be pulled off the walls, piled in the middle, the crew puts in the new rock, then I get to put my stuff back up on the walls. Grrrr. So I'll have to haul garbage out and get stuff down on Saturday so I can neatly pile it up in the middle.

That also means I need to find a place for Chael sooner rather than later. I rode today for the first time in three weeks. He didn't want to start - gas had evaporated from the carbs. He finally started, didn't sound quite right. Find a place to store him and go from there.
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Kitchen Window has their annual knife event this coming weekend. They are giving 10-60% off knives, plus three blades sharpened for free, Japanese blades are $3 instead of $10. I want to get a Shun 5" utility knife, so I don't have to haul out the 8" chef's knife all the time. The 8" is a bit unwieldy when trying to trim up chicken thighs of the fat and skin before I bake them. Even 10% off will bring it down to about $125 for the blade. Worth it in my eyes for a wicked sharp blade.

Things to contemplate

Head's been busy with all sorts of stuff running through it.

Went to see Dr. R last week for my monthly visit. My neck was stiff and unyielding, and several other things just weren't right. I asked him what was causing me to be so damn inflexible. His reply? My shadow side is surfacing, and I need to delve into it. He recommended a look at The Shadow Effect and Anger Resources book Embracing the Dark Side: Learning to Recognize and Handle the Anger Within and Around You. I ordered the DVD set, still thinking about the workbook. I have Ford's The Dark Side of the Light Chasers already, so I'm re-reading that.

Dr. R told me that a lot of what I'm dealing with is other people pushing my boundaries. They are reflecting back to me the things I don't like in myself. Instead of stuffing them away and ignoring them, I need to look at them head on and deal with them within myself.

We're heading into winter, a time where a lot of people won't be able to keep running from themselves. They will find themselves inside doing stupid or destructive stuff because they aren't willing to go inside and face their own shadows. What are you most afraid of? What do you keep denying? How are you not what you hate?

So I've started with what I already have, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. I'd read through it before, but now it has even more relevance. A couple weeks ago I started purposefully draining my anger, hate, disgust, fear, resentment, etc during my meditations. I connected my roots not to the center of the earth, but to the Canadian oil sands that are north of here. Where better to send the oily sludge that is the lower vibration emotions than to oil sands where they can be made use of?

Draining myself of the anger, hate and resentment had an almost immediate impact on my thinking. I didn't get so caught up in my own little revenge stories that would run through my head. It was easier to stop them if they did try to start. Moved my energy in a different direction, things change.

Time to look at the shadows, see what's lurking there. Besides the Shadow cat... It struck me as a bit funny, when I thought about it. I lost my light when I euthanized Raini, and all I'm left with is my Shadow. Had I put 2 + 2 together, I might have seen this coming earlier and not had to deal with such a stiff neck. Oh well, I get it now.

Running around...

Today was a day spent mostly on the road.

Went to my nephew's football game at 9 this morning. His coach moved his 72 pound body from safety to nose tackle today. Nose tackle? Hello, when he stood up, the other team's center towered over him by a good 18" and at least 100 pounds. Yet he managed to sneak by the guy twice, once for a solo quarterback sack that put the other team back several yards, and an assist on another tackle. His team won 20-12 with a touchdown in the last 1:15.

From there it was over to see P. I burned her some of my Paraliminals so she can help herself. We ended up talking for almost an hour, and another friend was waiting to meet her. She gave me a copy of a DVD and some hypnosis manuals to read. Something to play with on the boys at work.

The rest of the day included lunch, Whole Foods, DSW for new athletic shoes and a run to Target for long overdue necessities. Expensive day, had to be done.

I've been contemplating looking at stock pots that are deeper than my dutch oven for making my yogurt in. I looked while at Target, the ones they had seem really light. I was thinking cast iron, so I looked at Lodge. All their stuff is 4.5" deep, when I'm looking for something at least 6" deep and 10" across to fit the quart canning jars. I looked at JC Penney, QVC, Amazon, Kitchen Window and Williams-Sonoma, all no joy. Keep looking, I suppose.

Still a few things I need to get done. I need to get my hair cut, cause it's in my eyes with the helmet on. I want to get to Trader Joe's to get their barbeque sauce - it's the only one I've found so far made with sugar, not corn syrup. The tax return is going quickly, gotta play catch up.

She's alive!

Yes, I still live. Ain't been much to talk about lately.

Other than waking up at 3:30 Monday morning clearly hearing the neighbors stereo booming through my unit. Grrrrr. My gut was acting up, so I came into my office to recline in my meditation chair and see if I could go back to sleep. Put on my meditation CD and I could still hear the booms coming through.

Once I got up for the day, I ripped off an email to the association letting them know. The management company noted the infraction and told me they had notified the unit owner.

I get up at 5:30 this morning and I'm hearing the booming again. Grrr. So I throw on some clothes and go knock on the door. If the unit owner had been notified, he didn't bother to tell the renters. I told them I could hear it all the way back in my bedroom and my office, with headphones on. The noise has been bad enough that my glass shelves on the common wall have rattled and stuff has fallen off the shelves. The noise doesn't help Shad's disposition, either.

The dude I talked to apologized several times. The unit owner hadn't talked to them about the Monday incident, so they weren't aware of how loud they were being. He was abashed when I told him it was the first noise complaint I'd filed in almost 13 years of being here.

So far tonight it's been pretty quiet. I can deal with quiet quite nicely, thank you.
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Kettlebells continues. It actually does, in two weeks. Enough of us spoke up about it that a new 8 week class starts on October 7. It's during my lunch hour, so that's going to mess with my eating schedule for the day, I'll live.

I'm also going to work with the instructor on doing some functional fitness training as well. You do different things and are graded on a scale. That scale then tells you what exercises you need to do to correct the imbalances. It's only $25, so that's in the budget. Do the evaluations a month apart and see what happens.
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Other than that, not much doing besides the usual grind. Dealing with the hypoglycemia can be a bright pain, especially when people steal your food. Went to get my 4 pm yogurt yesterday and it was gone. Searched both fridges three times. Thankfully I still had some walnuts and prunes handy to keep me going until I got home.

I know when I'm getting low on blood sugar - my head gets really fuzzy and I get tired. A little bit of sugar perks me right up, so I'm sticking to my shakes and yogurt that release slowly. Still, every 2-2.5 hours I need to have something.

Now if the insulin my pancreas does produce would behave better... Meanwhile, I need to stock up on long lasting snacks.

Even though it's early, I may soon be headed for bed. I'm getting physically tired.