Still waiting

Still waiting to find out the final answer as to what is going on.

Had to wait until Wednesday to find out the meeting with the VP went poorly. My boss is about ready to strangle the VP because he was such an idiot from the start of the meeting. He said no money, no program for now, and funding for ITAM is sketchy even at the start of the next fiscal year - next May.

We have one more chance to keep this program going. The finance director realizes that if we shut this down now, its not a good thing. The finance director has pull with the VP that is directly under the CIO, and above the other VP that said no.
We can self fund this program by charging back for the licenses that were bulk purchased in June 2009. That would give us about $750k to fund the program. That could pay for the program for a couple years. Even if we only charge back for part of the licenses, it funds this - specifically me - until next fiscal year when I can be added to the budget as an FTE.

Emotionally it's been a wild week for me. I've been swinging between grieving, being angry, sad, in tears. Ugh.

Went to see Dr. Rory to get my body worked on. His thing last night was attachment. I'm so attached to the outcome of this. Hello? Tell me how to NOT be attached to this. Help me figure out how to de-tach from this.

I get it consciously that my biggest lesson in this whole mess is how to not be attached to the outcome. What I have yet to find is the method, the HOW of not being attached. For all that I have read and done and worked through, I have yet to hear or read an explanation of the mechanics of not being attached that is understandable.

Add to this my skull being out of correct shape, so I've been dealing with headaches. And not sleeping well. Some of that has to do with the cortisone levels in my body being out of whack, so even if I go to bed at 9:30, I'm not falling asleep until 10-10:30, then waking up at 2:30-3.

Two things to try and fix that. Rory recommended a different sleep aid, so I tried that last night. Fell asleep around 10:30, slept straight through until 5:45, then dozed until 6:15. So I'll try that for a while. The other thing is I'm getting my hands on a Brookstone anti-snore pillow.

I know I snore. Both parents had sleep apnea which didn't help their lives any. I've wanted to try this pillow for a while, but haven't been able to find it locally. One showed up in the Classified Ads the company I work for does every Friday. I was the first one to email about it, so I'll pick it up on Monday.

I've got a lot to do this weekend. I need to work, as there was too much I couldn't get done during the week with all the interruptions and not being able to concentrate. Do what I can in the next 10 days, then hope I have several more years to get done what needs to be done.