Broken, shattered...

How many words can I come up with to describe the state of my heart and the emptiness of my soul?

Broken, shattered, splintered, mangled. Hollow, empty, void...

I could use adverbs and adjectives to expand the descriptors above. I suspect all of you know those same feelings in one capacity or another. No need to expound on them.

Even with as shattered as I feel, I do know there is a good side to this. I get to put my heart back together the way I want to, the way my soul wants me to. This time I get to chuck out the crap that no longer serves me. I can even patch in some pieces that are chosen specifically for their long term benefits.

Putting me back together will have to wait for just a little while. I'm tired, exhausted, and it is all catching up with me. Early to bed tonight and let myself sleep in as long as I can this weekend. Naps are OK, too. Rebuilding a strong foundation takes energy and clarity, neither of which I have in the abundance needed for that type of a project.

I keep going because I have to, not because I want to. Shadow still needs to be fed. There's still plenty of work to do. Bills need to be paid, house has to be cleaned. The world doesn't stop just because my life has. I wonder if there ever will be time to just shut out the world and just grieve.