Inquire within, indeed

It's been a week of rude wake up calls for me.

Thursday the project manager for the IT asset management team called me into a private meeting. The VP that fubar'd the Vista project has green lighted and fast tracked moving ITAM into it's own sub-department of my boss's department. They want to hire 4-5 people and have it running by the end of July.

The PM and I, however, have had some issues. She sees me as having a chip on my shoulder and that I'm withholding information. To me, she's coming off like the boss from my last job, setting me up for failure. She says she wants me to be the data analyst on the team, since I've been doing it for a year and a half and know what's going on. That is, if I'm willing to open up and essentially do things her way, to follow command structure.

I'm at a choice point. Do I want to continue working this job? I like the company, the ideals, and most of the team I work with. The boy also helps.

The biggest question is, do I want to work through what is causing me to hold back info, or do I want to leave and start over again?

I finally snagged some time with my boss Friday afternoon. We talked for 2 hours about what's going on, what's causing me to hold back info, that I don't trust the PM to do the right thing. A lot of this comes down to trusting management to do the right thing, to know what they are doing. I also need to trust myself to question them when things don't seem right.

Called P Thursday night. Interesting issues with the phones caused some issues at first. (Hmm... communication issues with land lines...) Finally connected on a clear line and talked out what's going on. Mirrors and shadows. The PM and I are reflecting to each other things we need to work on in ourselves. In my case, I'm the one sabotaging myself by consciously holding back info. I'm aware of it now, and of how she pokes my buttons. How do I make her aware of this concept and work through it?

Friday night I get home and I can't get into the garage. The association locked me out because I'm behind on my association dues. So my motorcycle is sitting outside right now. I'm going to leave a note on the door to see if the guy I share the garage with will at least give me my motorcycle cover so I don't have to go buy a new one. It's supposed to rain this afternoon and a couple days this week. Last thing I want is Chael wet if I can avoid it.

Then I get a letter from the association about the siding project. They have managed to knock down the pricing on the siding to a more reasonable level. But they need the money by July 1. If I want new windows and patio door, that money has to be in by June 11.

Given those dollar amounts and what I owe in association dues, I'm going to see if I can get a loan on my land to pay for all this and a couple other things. I have a couple medical bills from last summer and Chael needs some work. The land is worth more than 30 times the loan I would be asking for. I think my credit union at home will let me do that, then roll it into the other loan I have on the land when that one comes due for a balloon payment.

The last rude awakening was yesterday morning. I went to Bristlecone yesterday morning for the Bundle testing. Given my family history and my own history of being overweight, I've been insulin resistant for years. I'm at a much higher risk of cancer, etc, than I thought.

My hormones are way out of whack. We'll find out just how out of whack with a few tests. The bundle isn't cheap. With the additional testing I need, I'm looking at over $900 to start. Ouch. My health and longevity are worth the expense now.

Thing is, I'm addicted to sugar. And sugar withdrawl can be just as bad as coming off caffeine, nicotine and hard drugs. This will be going on at the same time the PM is trying to decide if I'm hired or not.

I've weathered other storms, I can get through this one.