Integration

Well... just got home from a visit with Dr. Rory.

I've set an intention for this time off from work to give full rein to the grief I've been denying for years. We're between a full lunar eclipse that happened on the winter solstice and a full solar eclipse on January 4. It's a time of huge changes for most people. If you chose not to change, to be stiff and unyielding, you will pay for it with lots of pain.

My grief came up loud and clear while I was on the table. He poked a couple places in my back and I was sobbing. I told him I was working on letting go of not only my fears but all my hopes and dreams as well. I have to let go of the grief that's been pushed aside and stuffed away to let go of the weight.

He's not the first to comment on my grief. My acupuncturist did as well. During our last session she put a needle into a point on my left wrist that had been hurting. It zinged all the way to the end of my finger. The point she hit is on the heart meridian, which is loaded with grief.

He saw my Open Hearts pendant. My gift to myself this year was this pendant. I bought it for myself as a reminder that I can't let anything new into my life if my heart isn't open. I also can't let anything out, either. If I want to make new choices, the old choices have to go.
Open hearts, open circles, spirals. The dark feminine is coming to the fore.

Rory told me that 2011 is a year of connection, desire, understanding. What he called the dark hag of desire is coming up, the things we desire in our lives are coming to the front and demanding attention. We can either consciously chose to bring her into the light or ignore her and she will come up when she damn well wants to. I choose to bring her up now, to gently coax her into the light so we can work together on my terms.

He also pointed out we have two balls in our lives, one rubber, one glass. Our rubber balls are our careers, our jobs. If we let them drop we can bounce back and re-define ourselves. How many times have I changed careers?

Our relationships with each other are glass. Especially this year, if we let these drop they will shatter beyond repair. Some are already cracked before they fall, they may be able to be healed. Those already in free fall will break this year. Some people may not realize their relationships are in free fall and will try to hang on, only to watch them shatter anyways.

I suspect there will be a lot of divorces and business partnerships dissolving this year. And if they don't dissolve, the death of one of the partners because they chose not to change or adapt to the new energy.

See what the acupuncturist has to say tomorrow, and my Quantum Touch instructor on Thursday. It's going to be an intense week.